Paranoid? Physical symptoms stress. Meds withdrawal. Living alone struggles

[No_Longer_Human]

Yesterday i had mom help me with cleaning. But i completely shut down especially when im cutted out of my meds. Rn my relationship with mom and food is the same - i need it and i want it but my body reacts like it's been intoxicated. I missed her. Then at midnight she texted me "i know you are not sleeping" and called me. I was in the bathroom. I ate while she was here because i thought im maybe suffering malnutrition and she cooked but my damn guts can't handle food meanwhile im hungry sometimes. She had me for 41 minutes (i was in the bathroom) on the phone telling me how "it's not your fault your place is terrible and you're crying out of spiders, i didn't teach you to clean". This is a passive aggressive attack on "i spoilt you as a child" and "as a child you always "pretended" to be nauseous". Today when i thought of it, it's not that i was lazy, just she's too dominant. Even now she didn't teach me, she did it herself while i was panicking and trying to handle it without Clonasepam so i don't piss her out. Now that she's gone i worry if i can eat what's left of the food and wash the dishes before mold. But i learnt nothing and im still scared of the spiders. Back to the story she callled me at midnight and paniced me, i thought she maybe drank and is critisising me. Then i decided to scroll a bit reels to calm down. They have me in some sort of trans and i calm down. But i saw a conspiracy reel of Tailor Swift engaging with unholy powers and i got wild fear. Idk if it was paranoia. I burnt some church sage and my window opened and i thought it was unholy powers trying to get the sage away. I prayed and all. I'm usually not taught to be religious and you see how scared i was. I had no holy water so i swallowed sage. It's really alarming but i don't think i will get it considered since the nurse at the daycare told me to swallow sage for my acid reflux and even got mad when i told her im on real meds - probiotics and antiacids. She even said i looked much better on the 0,5 Clonasepam while i didn't even know i had to take 0,5, i was keeping my 2mg dose, i looked better because last time i was puking and now i was on an expensive probiotic. In my country older people especially old ladies (approx 60% of the population and 80% of nurses and doctors) just believe you better drink an eye of tritone, a scale of salamander, rabbit fat, 10 random weeds from the forest and pine honey instead of taking a basic med. Here nobody drinks black or green tea, we just boil weeds from the forest like witches.... Anyway am i going insane? Im overthinking everything. I bought a book on overthinking and it's just techniques i already know, i need mindset recharge, not to tell me to breathe, and im overthinking it. I got another book and im overthinking if it's too heavy for me. Overthinking everything. Im tired. I want to sleep but my belly is swollen like i will give birth and hurts and has me rushing to the bathroom. My head hurts. And i have so much trash. And now im even more scared of the spiders and other bugs because i learnt how they get in and that i should clean did i didn't learn how and im scared too. And also me and mom visited the maze too. And the call at midnight... Ah. My head hurts so much. Life without Clonasepam is unbearable. Even with it, it's unbearable

[CLB1125]

Im sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don’t know anything about the meds so I won’t say anything about them. I understand your fear of spiders. It’s a fear a lot of people have. I don’t know what kind of spiders you have there. Possibly google them and identify the ones you have seen. Unless they are poisonous you have nothing to be afraid of. I know they’re creepy I don’t like them either. And walking into a web just pisses me off to no end. But most of them would rather avoid you as much as you want to avoid them. Knowledge is power. If you can identify them and know they are harmless it might help.

Have you discussed any of these fears with a doctor? Natural herbal remedies are quite common but please know what you are consuming. Has anyone done any testing on your stomach? It sounds like it should be done if it hasn’t been. I don’t know if this would be helpful but when I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers I was put on a bland diet as not to aggravate them. Mashed potatoes, rice, things like that.