How to take care of myself sick? I really need some reassurance and someone to talk to

[No_Longer_Human]

I'm all alone, feverish, nauseous and on the edge of crying. I see those posts "2020 and 2025" everywhere and i worry about mom. I started crying. I know i shouldn't cry because i will feel more nauseous but I'm so alone and helpless

[hypercat54]

I have said this to you many times so will repeat myself one more time. Its because you still have a child mentality and expect and want others to take care of you.

Then you expect to be able to dictate the terms under which they do and kick off when they won't. That makes you feel helpless because you are a child in a woman's body.

The only way you are going to start coping better is if you own your illness and start to understand that only you can sort yourself out. Not other people. Until you get that I'm afraid you will stay exactly the same as now.

And you will still be posting the same things in 10 years time.

I am not saying growing up and becoming an adult is easy at all - it is far from that. But its something we all have to do to have control over our own lives.

Ok I get that your family have contributed to your illness but they can't or won't be able to solve it for you. Only you can do that.

I left home at 18 to move to a big city on my own. The first couple of years were dreadful and I had no choice but to grow up fast. I knew even then that I couldn't expect any help from my family and I was on your own.

But learning to cope alone with the trials and tribulations of life reaps huge rewards and brings freedom and control over your own life.

I know you will say you can't do this as you are too ill. Well I am afraid you either do it or look for others to care for you. Its clearly not your family so you will need to look for care outside of them. But you won't be able to dictate terms and conditions you know either.

Life is hard but very worthwhile when you have yourself. That's all you need. Find yourself. There is no middle ground I'm afraid.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hypercat. I reread it a few times. I need to take care of myself. I'm taking steps. Like I won't call mom for med advice or help or meds. I will just buy what I think it's best and try to love myself even though i hate myself. My health brings me down but I'm starting to see the light. I see your point and it brings me peace. Thank you. I'm trying to parent my inner child. Give myself meds, not let myself starve nor eat food that would be bad for my current state. I started taking small steps as big ones, would overwhelm me and i would go back to my shell. I started going to the youth centre, the counsellor there is giving me books and homeworks i do, and he said he sees progress. Also attending psychology club, movie night and having jam sessions with the other people there. Also searching for a job. I got a bit overwhelmed doing my homework and travelling to show it to the counsellor - there are viruses in the bus. But im fighting. I need to parent my inner child. And it won't be easy. All my life i was told who to be and how to behave. I don't know who i am outside the mental and physical illness. Yet, i need to take over now. But i need to be more cautious and do it with compassion. I need to find a way. First step is to self-regulate and take emergency care of myself like my fever and vomiting. Then some relf-regulation and self-reassuarance. Tommorow i will buy meds and more greek yoghurt as it helps with probiotics and with acid reflux and keeps me fed without overwhelming my stomach. Then clean so i don't get sick. Good rest and self-help books from the counsellor. I applied for a part-time job on the weekends, i will probably apply for a weekend job on some further place. But i shouldn't make decisions in this state. I have laundry and cleaning and pharmacy. But today i need to control my fever and vomiting. Im trying to parent myself and it gives me some ease and my guilt of overwhelming mom and losing her care. Hope that makes sense

[hypercat54 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Wow I'm impressed - no really I am. That's the first time I have heard anything like this coming from you. Wow again

Oh don't try and love yourself s that's far too hard. Try starting small and respecting yourself and the way you are coping. The more you do for yourself the more confidence you will have. It seems like your therapist is teaching you healthier ways to look after yourself and cope with life's trials and tribulations. Better coping methods are essential for those like us who suffer from mental health issues.

I have never loved myself as I know myself too well But I do like myself which is fine by me. You are taking baby steps to make your life a bit better and don't forget that small changes accumulate and lead up to large ones - like a domino effect. Learning about yourself is frightening but also exhilerating at the same time. Its freedom.

Its not all a straight line of progress and sometimes it will feel like you are back to square 1 but its all about learning who you are and what you want (or don't want) out of life. So the general progression is upwards even if it doesn't feel like that.

I can see changes in you even if you can't so well done and keep on going. Take care. x

[No_Longer_Human in reply to hypercat54]

Your recognition of my hard work means the world to me 😭

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

I'm really proud of you! This shows that you are trying, and that's awesome! I don't know about how it is for others to read your comment, but it helps explain you and your situation a bit better for me.

I still think the bottom line is that you are desperately trying to get your parents to see that you bleed too, that it's hard to be you, that you experience things with the same amount of difficulty as everyone else. So desperate, in fact, that you want to remain in the role of the victim (maybe until you achieve whatever it is you are trying to get from them). This is in no way a criticism; it is an observation. Am I correct in this observation? It's okay if the answer is that I am close. Everything you feel is okay, valid, and real. There is no right way to feel, and there is no wrong way to feel. At some point though, it would be of benefit to you to get out of the role of victim. I know it's hard, and I know it's scary. We all need to get there eventually, not because we need to get over what might have happened to us, but because it's how we grow as people. It's a step in our healing and becoming healthy adults. It's part of surviving in this world. You are your own person, and you can do hard things (my psychiatrist told me this some years ago).

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank you. You read me like a book. I needed this clarity, insight. I act like a victim because i want my parents to realise im suffering tremendously and understand me. But they won't. And i need to stop trying, shake off that mentality and get my sh1t toghether. But easier said than done. I always get sick trying. I guess i need baby steps. 7 years i study from home, on my own pace, it's hard to find a job and be independent. But there's progress and there's insight. And im grateful for you pointing them out and being here

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

About to go to sleep. You're welcome dear. Yes, I'm reading a book and boy, some of those chapters🥴 I tell you. But you know what? That's okay. It's not for me or anyone else to dictate how you should live your life (and vice versa). No one has the right to dictate what someone else does or doesn't do (and vice versa). You are doing your best, and that's what counts. That's all anyone can ever hope for. None of us comes with a manual. Each of us has to find our way in life. We are thrown curve balls. I for one have an entire bucket of curve balls. I wish I didn't, but I do. If I had a book with each chapter representing one year of my life, you definitely do not want to know what's in the latest three chapters. Heck, not even I want to know!!I wish my life could go back to the way it was before my mom died. 3 years later and I still don't want to believe she's not here on Earth. My life has been hard (to put it lightly...) ever since. But I'm refusing to go backwards. I need to push on.

You're exactly right when you say it's much easier said than done!! But then again, if doing something was just as easy as saying it, then everyone would be able to do it just like that!! No one promised us a life full of roses.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

I'm so sorry. I'm so scared

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Thank you my dear. Why are you scared?