... that virtual mental health counseling and med management were the greatest inventions on earth. Now, I'm beginning to realize that, no matter how convenient or safe they help me feel, they simply can't provide the same level of care. It isn't the providers' fault, but it's like it's too impersonal and fleeting, or something. You're on the camera for thirty min or an hour, and then they're gone. Maybe it's just the way it makes me feel afterward, rather than an actual detriment.
Super confused about everything and just generally bummed out. Hoping everyone else is doing (more or less) well tonight
-B
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Beaujie
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I can appreciate that. I like that when it's over, it's just over, period. And there's a positive - since our connection is virtual I can always send them messages. Now, whether they have time to get back to me or not is another story lol. Thanks for your message.
Have you tried other therapies in addition to talk therapy? Maybe you need more.
It would be the same face to face wouldn't it? When the time is up we are left on our own. I think the rest of the time in between session we have to incorporate our own learning etc
I think that for me there's something about the face-to-face human connection that helps me. It's, to my knowledge, the same thing that haunts me while I'm living in, more or less, solitude. It's going to be what I make of it. These doctors are the only people I see from the outside world on a weekly basis, so I look very forward to them, being that I feel "safe" during them.
I have gone to traditional settings for treatment, most recently including Esketamine and Electroconvulsive Therapies. I think the Esketamine was helpful and I might go back for some more of it - but ECT blew up my brain, and I mean that for the worse. Like, many of my semi-recent and farther-out memories are just gone. *Poof.* I figure if I don't have those to find refuge in, then what do I have?
The part about virtual meetings is that, over long enough time, and I can only speak for myself here, they seem to turn me into a mere number to the practitioners. They don't do in-person meetings, and so for them their days consist of many virtual meetings with any number of clients. And so, sometimes I can see why they'd feel the urge to "treat the next number," and then get on to the next one. From past experiences, being there in the room with me and seeing my tears, listening closely to the tone of my voice, my posture, my eye contact, etc. are each ways in which we can connect with each other.
This might not be as important for everyone, obviously, but right now I think I might need to seek out something more "connecting," if you will.
I really appreciate you and your insight, as always, and I hope you're doing so well.
My experience of trauma is different. I wish I would lose memories, lots of them. A checklist and a rocket launcher would be nice.
The worst memories wait for me to snuggle up with a good book, or settle in to enjoy a film. Out of nowhere -- kapow! I'm reliving things I didn't want to go through in the first place.
I'm glad we all have each other here, where even though our experiences may be different, we get it.
Exactly. The times I cherish are the ones that are foreign now. I don't know why this is, but thank you for sharing this, because I was curious if it was the same pattern for others with memory deficits. I'm wishing you the very best as always.
I agree completely - I wish I could choose the memories that disappear. For me, it has been the good ones that have been swept off. Maybe because I wasn't holding onto them as tightly, and taking them for granted? I don't know - just speculating. But the one thing we all have in common is that we get each other. You couldn't be more right on about that.
I'm so sorry it happened. My mom told me the other day that I don't seem like the same personality lately - YEAH, I don't remember half the things we're talking about! And - it's been quite a while since I had ECT, so if the memories don't start reforming soon, I'm going to lose hope that they're coming back, at all.
The hardest part for me is when my family brings up a memory.... do you remember the time.... it breaks my heart that I don't remember. I have a reason to give them now but it doesn't make me feel good 😢
I'm sorry B
All we can do is support each other through this part. It's certainly not something many people believe could happen
I know - I've even had people on here challenge me about not remembering things. Don't know where that comes from; maybe it's from people not being able to imagine not remembering. Like, it's not conceivable, or something. I don't blame them. But now that I know what it feels like, I get it. And you do, too. We've got each other though, for sure.
I get it too. I don't know why my memory is slowly going away, bit by bit, but the losses are permanent. I watch new ones say so long, been good to know you, all the time.
I thought a supplement someone here mentioned was helping for a while, but then I had to drop it.
Thanks very much for this message. I hope you're well. I don't know if you read what I write in the above comment, but I'm in my house 24/7, and so the treatment office might not be the worst thing for me, once a week, and for my immediate benefit. It wasn't until the past two years that I really began with the virtual platform, actually. I liked it at first, but now I feel like I would be able to best explain my emotions, fears, thoughts, etc., if I could look them right in the eye.
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I think I’m going crazy
I think it is time
I can think a bit more clearly 
I think im sinking again
I need help. What's the point in living like this 
