I'm Not Okay

[KatJ1982]

Today is my late brother's birthday. He was murdered 28 years ago, and his death still haunts our family. He passed at 16 which was so unexpected. Losing him at 14, really destroyed my life. It's like a part of me died with me. Older brothers are supposed to protect you, and I felt alone in the world.

I received a call from my estranged father's job in November. He was an addict most of my life, so he chose to stay away. No one had heard from him in a week, and apparently that was unlike him. He was found dead in his apartment on his birthday.

I found out my father completely turned his life around. He had been sober for over 15 years. I am happy that he seemed to have found peace but upset that he didn't try to bond with me. It was very painful handling the affairs of your father but knowing nothing about him. My mother had to write his obituary.

Writing this post, is the first time I allowed myself to really cry. I think I just needed to vent before I could begin to heal.

[Dolphin14]

KatJ

I'm very sorry for the loss of your brother and your dad.

The recent death of your dad and all that was missed in the relationship must have triggered so many emotions and that's understandable.

Were you give the chance to attend therapy after the traumatic loss of your brother?

Do you have a therapist now that can help you process all these emotions?

I'm very glad writing it was helpful.

My thoughts are with you

🐬

[KatJ1982 in reply to Dolphin14]

I began therapy as an adult. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression which is an ongoing struggle. My therapist cancelled our last two sessions. I think the timing of the cancellations may have triggered me. I'm trying my hardest to stay grounded. Thank you for your reply and kind words.

[Dolphin14 in reply to KatJ1982]

We are here for you

[RS1974]

Hugs ❤️ I'm so sorry for your losses ❤️

[KatJ1982 in reply to RS1974]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your support.

[RS1974 in reply to KatJ1982]

You're welcome sweetie 🥰

[Beavis2022]

How horrible, both of you so young, It's got to be affecting you, even now. Then your Dad. Too much for anybody My family is not close, either, to say the least. Who knew the effect all this would have on you, or anybody. I know people who have lost children - you never forget it or go back to your former self.. It's such a shock and very sad. Wish I knew how to help. Maybe this will lessen over time. Talking about it helps - keep writing & I hope you have some supportive people in your life.

[KatJ1982 in reply to Beavis2022]

Thank you so much. I do feel better after venting. I'm going to make an effort to be active on the message boards. It's therapeutic sharing and writing other's posts