Addiction - Anxiety and Pain

[Deepsee]

So I went through some pretty heavy addiction stuff in my lifetime at one point in my late 20s I was homeless and I found my way into 12-step recovery after failing at other solutions - and although 12-step recovery has served me well, I'm finding that I'm feeling limited and stuck and that is not providing the growth opportunities that I want and am feeling called to find - it's a fine framework for a very specific focus I feel -- and I just wanted to talk about it but I don't feel like I can talk about it in 12-step groups because the general solutions set there is to point to one of the 12 steps as the solution and if you're not working those then - that's the problem - whether it's using, depression anxiety or whatever else. The other thing that I'm curious about is that after 20 years of a time invested in 12 step recovery and sobriety - yes I've had my relapses - although I've grown a lot - I'm beginning to question if there are possibilities for me embracing harm reduction - because to be honest, I'm not that happy sober.. I'm not that happy as a mess in a hotel room either, but my point is I'm curious about exploring again and I don't find much support for this ideology within 12 step so I'm wondering if anyone reading this has been down a similar path and found success eventually leaving 12 step recovery - finding other ways to grow - and evolved as a human and ultimately found their balance and the ability to moderate, grow in meaningful ways, and be a bit happier.

[fauxartist]

Many decades ago, I also stepped into an AA meeting to get clean and sober, but after a couple of months, the reasons I numbed myself to oblivion many times to not feel the pain of depression and CPTSD came screaming back front and center....I was told not to seek a shrink because it was all psychobabble.... well....fortunately I started therapy and ACOA at the exact same time as AA, and didn't get talked out of it like the 'dry drunks' grumbling in the corners of every meeting barking out slogans like candy coated crap every time you tried to explain why you drank. The constant put downs and shut-downs of being told your just on your 'pity pot' when your talking about being abused as a kid just had not been helpful.

So.... while AA kept me clean and sober....ACOA gave me insight into other issue's such as abuse and abandonment in: 'The Problems and The Solutions'....and therapy helped confirm what I was feeling was valid, and how to navigate a healing process, and how to cope with what I could not change... Acceptance, forgiving myself for shortcomings, and to screw guilt, shame, blame, and regrets....live 'here and now'....yesterday is gone...cannot change the past....cannot predict the future...all I need to do is to deal with right now, and check the ego at the door as they say....because the smartest thing I've done for myself is get help.

[Deepsee in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks so much! Great reply.

[fauxartist in reply to Deepsee]

You're not alone in this....and don't worry about not getting many replies to your post, because most people won't talk about this topic...they just don't. I've been here for 7 years and have always been open about my 'Dual Diagnosis' and my recovery...but because so many here self-medicate....it's a touchy subject. And for some reason, there is only one other group here that barely talks about this subject, but it's mostly people who want to still drink, it's not really a recovery group. It's a shame there isn't one here, but I don't think it would do well....even though I think it's part of mental health.