Rough Thanksgiving

[ThreeBigDogs]

I moved across the country a year ago to be close to my youngest of five children, who had my first grandchild. We had a strained relationship in the past and I hoped to improve it while solidifying a place in my grandson's life/heart. It has been rocky but mostly positive, and our relationship was feeling strong and positive. Then two days ago my family started fighting. We all seemed to trigger each other. Over the past year, it was revealed that my eldest child duped me into giving her my credit card number and then made 200 unauthorized charges totalling $8k. The charges were reversed and my eldest apologized (literally "sorry" over text). I forgave her and was going to allow her to come for Christmas even though I don't trust her. Two of her siblings are still very angry at the thief and none of them wanted to stay with me whlie she was here, and vica versa. It ended up with the eldest and another child canceling Christmas. Then yesterday morning, Thanksgiving morning, my youngest with the baby implied that what the eldest had done was not that big of a deal, and that it was my fault for having given her the credit card number to begin with. BTW, my eldest told me she needed the money for emergency medical stuff and I was stupid enough to fall for it. Anyway, my youngest daughter's comments to me yesterday made me feel violated all over again and I pulled out of Thanksgiving feeling unloved and uncared for. My youngest and the baby are the only reason I live in this state, which has been very difficult. If I can't have a relationship with her and the baby, I don't know what to do, where to go, or how to move forward. I sent an apology but believe she's blocked me. I'm stuck in myself and am trying to not self-destruct any more. My other family is in Texas; I'm in Delaware. If anyone has encouragement, particular from experience, I'd greatly appreciate it.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry your holiday was spoiled. Our children often take us for granted. Sometimes they expect us to deliver at the expense of our own dignity and self respect. The constant bickering is exhausting.

Take time to pamper yourself and soothe your jangled nerves. Some chamomile lavender tea, 2 tea bags in the cup, can be helpful.

Pooh hug.

[ThreeBigDogs in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, especially for the hug.

[Dolphin14]

ThreeBigDogs

I'm sorry you are upset

This seems to be the time of year that families pick each other apart as opposed to being grateful for each other. Seems like dysfunction blows up.

I'm not sure what the answer is I just wanted to pop and show some support.

🐬

[Starrlight]

ThreeBigDogs, as I see it, you did nothing wrong. Sorry things are rough. I know how unsettling strife between family members can be. My sister cut me off but she is so toxic that I feel relief, hurt too, but I’m focusing on the ones I do have in my life who are good to me.

Remember you are not alone in this. We are here to listen. Love, joy, and peace to you always

💛⭐️

[AllDone67]

You are not alone in this. Being preyed upon by family members is harder in many ways than being victimized by a stranger. This happened to my elderly parents. A cousin's daughter fraudulently accessed their bank account and stole thousands of dollars before she was caught. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Finding supportive friends can be very helpful if you live far away from family.

[ThreeBigDogs]

Thank you all for your support. I'm very isolated and you've moved me to (good) tears.

[fauxartist]

Your were the one victimized.... why are you again being victimized for your daughter's actions by your other kids. Yeah...the one stole from you, she didn't steel from your other kids, so what's their problem, if they don't want to be around her...fine...that's their choice. But they need to stop blaming and shaming you, and making this about them....this happened to you and you dealt with it. It's none of their business after that, they are not the ones who were victimized.

And as far as blaming you...that's complete B.S..... she is your child, and of course your going to want to help her for medical reasons, .....this is all on your daughter for steeling the money.... blaming you is B.S. and very low. I's let them know this didn't happen to them, so quite making it an issue, your the one who lost the money for trying to help your kid.....after that....it's their business, and their opinion doesn't matter....drop it. It's finished.

Sounds like they are making a lot of drama at your expense, and they have other issues they are projecting into this by making it such a big deal...but that's their problem....not yours....and don't take their crap on....leave it with them. If things don't pan out.... you did your best.... and I'd make another effort with the grandchild in a while....but don't be the victim....you were just trying to be a good dad....they should be grateful for that....I never knew my father.

[ThreeBigDogs]

Thank you. (I'm actually a woman so was trying to be a good mom). Getting through the next month without any family is going to be rough. So many family opportunities to be together that I will miss. I will be alone on my birthday and Christmas. I've done it before but extremely different circumstances. I am at my daughter's mercy regarding seeing my grandson. All of my kids have pulled out of coming for Christmas due to this drama and I can't blame them. It is difficult to be victimized and not have self-pity/take on being the victim. But I know I can't allow myself to be swallowed by it. I'm trying very hard to adopt the perspective that it doesn't matter - that nothing is wrong; things are just different - to not have an attachment to them or the outcome. This has triggered past trauma that makes it all the more difficult. And I realize my kids are reacting from past trauma, too. What seems to make everything worse is that it has all transpired via text.

When I think about not seeing my grandson for a long time, I stop breathing. I can't see how to move forward, but I can manage the next minute. His playpen and toys and hichair are here. I have a car seat in my car. I have to drive past their house. I'm just so very sad. Things have turned out the opposite of what I wanted and why I moved across the country to be here. OK, back to my book on surrendering/letting go...