I am an educator. I have about 14 years left before I can retire. My job provides me with a lot of stress as I am the head of the school. When the notification on my phone rings, I feel my heart skip a beat. Sometimes I feel like I cannot take one more event. Even something as simple as a staff member calling out, or dealing with an angry parent, a union issue, or dealing with unrealistic expectations from my own supervisor.
I wish I could walk away and do something different but I have a family to support. I can feel my job taking time off my life. Most nights, I am clenched so tight that I wake up. I don't think I have slept well in the past 10 years. I wear a mouthguard to bed. Every year I have it replaced by my dentists because it is literally shredded to nothing.
I try to exercise regularly, I try to eat well (I am weak for sweets), I try to be kind to everyone. Yet for some reason I always in pain. I replay events in my mind all the time. It makes me feel crazy. Sometimes I go through moments like I don't even know what I am doing here. And, I literally don't understand why I am here, or for that matter -- why any of us are here.
I want peace, but I always want to be able to provide well for my family. The two seem to be at juxtaposition to one another. I don't know what to do. Please help.