Dad left me to carry not only mom's emotions, anger and grief and sis but grandparents too. I needed understanding not scolding

[No_Longer_Human]

Took my meds. Did cbt exercises and finally better and boom grandparents called. And i told them honestly im not okay and they yelled at me. I need if not love, understanding. I was gaming and feeling better and grandma called and scolded me for my mental health being bad because of "the phone" and "going to bed late" and "not working". No, im bad because my mom's an alcoholic grieving dad and im on crossroads of my life. And because nobody understands me. And i said i miss dad to hint we're all suffering and they said now that he's away, i would have to take care of them. I can't even take care of myself. My generation is like that. My generation is digital. My generation has hard time adapting. I'm a failure, stop reminding me

[Aishandrumi]

My friend, you're not a failure. Our lives have value regardless of our achievements or status in life. It's not fair to compare to other generations. Other generations weren't faced with the challenges people face now. We all have our own unique path that is impossible to compare to another path. Do what you need to do to be okay. Although it's hard to not take people's harsh judgements to heart, try your best, they don't have all the information you have. And regardless of their lack of understanding they shouldn't pass judgement. We need to be kinder and more patient to one another. I hope your family can be more patient and understanding with you. It's normal to be hurt by such things, if you can, try to be a source of patients and understand for yourself.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Aishandrumi]

Indeed. I need them to understand. These times are different and hard. Mom's drinking. Inflation. Work done on screen which they call "screen addiction"

[Alpakka123]

You're not a failure, hon. Not in the least.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank you dear

[fauxartist]

Don't own that abuse from them trying to dump their own guilt onto you. You're not obligated to listen to it either....next time just say to them.... I won't talk to you about my stuff anymore, and I don't want to hear it from you either, and say you are hanging up now, and then put your phone on silent for a while, or put specific ringtones for each caller so you know in advance who's calling, and you can just ignore them.

You don't have to live with being guilt-tripped, blamed and shamed... Mental illness is often genetic... and we can be born with a pre-disposition for depression, etc. So this is not your fault...don't let anyone dump on you... you didn't do anything wrong, and don't deserve to be treated that way...no matter who it is doing this stuff. Just because they are family, does not give them a free pass to treat you badly, and you don't have to put up with it.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for understanding me and the abuse. It's gonna be hard because family is the only people i have economically, physically and mom's in the same room and i can't ignore her, she doesn't accept my borders, and grandparents helped me pay my education and the boiler (which weremy parents' job and now im in emotional debt for them). Thank you. I needed someone to finally understand

[fauxartist in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Just because they may be helping you materially, doesn't mean you pay the price with being abused. You just stick to your guns and quietly excuse yourself. Sometimes if you start to just shut down from it, and let them know, ....nope.... not anymore.... you don't have to live in fear. What are they gonna seriously do..... if you allow it...it keeps happening, but if you start to back off from it... they will find another outlet besides you believe me.

If you can get any kind of counseling...please do that for you.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. How to get these boundaries? And i don't have money for counselling

[fauxartist in reply to No_Longer_Human]

A lot of what you can learn today is free on the internet. I wish I had that resource 50+ years ago. I find most of what I need info wise now with just a bit of searching. I would suggest you be your own best advocate, read what others have done here, and find your best path with what you can piece together....knowledge takes some of the power out of our dilemma navigating our stuff.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to fauxartist]

all of what you’ve written is beautiful stuff fauxartist

[fauxartist in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Your very kind as always my friend....

Hope your healing well ...

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to fauxartist]

thank you, I’m relying on my body and so I’m trying to project more positivity, surgery on Wednesday, here’s to a successful procedure and on to more significant healing. very nice to see you of course, hope you’re doing good. xx

[Alpakka123 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Good luck tomorrow!

[fauxartist in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Hey buddy....sending good karma your way for tomorrow...know your well loved by many here, and you got me in your corner...and all that is coming your way...hang in there.... we got your back.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm sorry for that. Yeah the older generation means well but they also think the reason we have problems with mental health is because we "talk about it too much". "Back in their day they didn't have these issues" which is a lie. They did , it's because they never talked about anything. Most of them drank to forget the pain that they are stuck in a loveless marriage or depression of the fact they have kids and have no clue on how to be a mom/dad to their kids.

So for grandparents it's drink water, take a nap and stay offline. There that should solve your depression. Granted staying hydrated is good for you and getting good sleep can improve mood. But it's not a cure all.

My partner when he was struggling he called a crisis hotline once and was patch to an older woman. He told her he was struggling. Life has become really challenging for him now that he's out of a job, trying to navigate taking care of his parents who need far more help then he can give and also having a personal life. As he talked to her, he told her while he was looking for work he took to doing online surveys. She interrupted him by saying "ooh those don't work. You should stop." He said well it works for me I was able to pay off my student loans with it. And she became intrigued. After he told her everything. Her advice to him was try staying offline. He felt very dismissed and dejected.

You are not a failure. You are doing the best you can with what you are given with.

You are not supposed to parent your parents. Or manage their emotions. Including your sister. That's entirely too much for one person.

Boundaries need to be set with everyone. Of course not everyone is going to like it. But then again you don't like the way they are treating you and they don't seem to mind. So maybe it's time to start building those boundaries. Don't let them say any old things because of their status in the family.

Sending love and hugs 🫂❤️

[No_Longer_Human in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thaaaaank you so much. I really needed to hear that. It's so true. My mom's being a kid and since she doesn't know how to regulate herself, she drinks and she expects me to parent her. Older people can't understand how drinking and not solving ur issues is worse than being on a screen even if this screen is litterary keeping you alive. Whether it's work, talking about your issues with people who understand or just finding yourself. Because i forgot who i am. I'm just my mom's maid and object of abuse. My screen reminds me that i also like what i like. My grandma said some unknown name and said "the greatest psychologist of Bulgaria said we have screen addiction". I'm a psychologist myself. Back ur thesis up. Cite research. Give me real science. Psychology is a science. It's genetics, it's statics, it's family studies. It's not "be positive and eat vegetables and get up at 6am". I don't buy this but i can't explain it to them. Like my mom gets upset her customers in the pharmacy don't understand she's giving them the same med with a different brand name. Not everyone has ur degree. And i know i can't explain to my grandparents im genetically and mentally prone to depression. And that i sleep because of my meds. And that i ho yo bed late because my sister studies in the same room and mom's drinking in the same room and I'm crying if i have the time.