Needing Friendship Advice

[ParkerNeedsAMinute]

Hi, I've never really had good friends for very long, especially not IRL. It's my first year of college, and the first time I'm seeing people daily in around 3 years (I was homeschooled due to bullying). In all my past friendships, I've struggled to be a real part of the group. I'm always a person that, if I was left out, it would change nothing in the friendship dynamic. I have a few friends at college now and I've run into this phenomenon once again. I am anxious that my friends don't like me that much. But, because I've only known them for a little over a month, I feel like it's unfair to them to ask for that reassurance because it could be accepted out of pity. How do I go about this? My campus is pretty small and the people who share my interests otherwise aren't really the kind of people I want to be around.

[Apinkney]

Hi,

People have pondered over this subject for thousands of years and those fascinated by the subject can spend a lifetime studying it!!

That said, you will find that you will develop friends who become close, maybe lifetime. And others are held on a scale between friends and simple acquaintances. Plenty of them will have very little in common with you and your own interests. But everyone will have experiences and challenges in their lives that can and will be interesting subjects to discuss and think about. Without doubt, listening is probably the most important 'trick' to making friends. Listen and think about what's being said to you. Think before you reply. So much of life is simply opinions. Who do you vote for maybe. You can debate it at length, but you must always be open to people disagreeing with you,so don't force it or you'll soon have an enemy!!!

It's a skill you can learn, it doesn't come easy to many people. That said, choose your close friends carefully. Don't backstab people or talk badly about others because you wouldn't want people doing it to you. Remember, people have lots of opinions which are often based on hardly any evidence so listen and think for yourself.

To have friends you need to meet people so try clubs and gatherings of anything you're interested in. Or, try something new and let people know it's new to you. Nice people will be willing to help you. If you are nice to people they will normally be nice back. The more effort you put in the more reward. That said, you will find you don't need many close friends, I've met thousands of people who I get on with but have a handful of close friends who I love and I know they love me.

Good luck

[Celtic274]

Hi there my friend I'm sorry to hear of your bullying at the early part of your schooling ! This can have a fundamental part of your life moving forward regards your friends at college take time to get to know them don't rush things build up friend ships and if so does your college have any counciling services for students that may help give it a try ! I wish you all the best david 🙏

[PiMamaRea]

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I did independent studies & homeschooling as well, because I have always struggled connecting with peers & people. I know how difficult it can be, in the world when you are an introvert or struggle socially. Personally I consider myself a total introvert but others label me an ambivert. My advice would be to find someone you trust in your friends to let them know your concerns. You sound like you could be an empath that & just need to learn to trust your instincts & intuition. I am betting that at least 1 if not a few of your friends may be feeling the same way & you connected with them for a reason. I say trust your intuition & let it guide you but if you struggle trusting people like I do find a place with some degrees of separation l like online/here to vent & connect or bounce things off of.