Friendship

[jewlz17]

I try to see the good in people. I dont like to judge but when you have trust issues and get hurt the doubts creep in. My anxiety been really bad and the weird part i blame myself i tell myself i got to close but then how can i over come this if i dont make the effort in being around people. I want to be friends but the fear is there

[20Voices]

I know exactly how you feel. I was even told by someone that I was to blame for getting hurt all the time. They told me I was too good and that is why people hurt me.

You are also right that you have to take the step to make friends again and not let it affect you.

I have set up a boundary for myself and that is right now that I am not getting involved with men again. I will be friends but that is it. I am not letting anyone into my house so that I know I have somewhere safe to go and I also try not to spent too much time with friends. So I will go out but I also make sure I have nights on my own and that I don't borrow or loan anything to anyone.

I know it sounds weird but I have to at the moment or I would not go out at all. I still have a laugh and I have found that the volunteering that I am doing is helping me with regaining my trust in myself so that I can get stronger so that I can protect myself for people who just want to use others.

I hope you find something that works for you.

Take care.

[jewlz17 in reply to 20Voices]

you actually do a lot of similar things i do. i dont go out a lot but i try to be sociable. i do play dates and go out with friends to eat once in a while. i even did the zoo omg the anxiety after was nuts. but im still very guarded with everyone. i tried to get to know someone and i thought things was fine but now im so unsure i start doubting and wondering and once i start second guessing myself i feel overwhelmed. im hoping to get over this but the hurts there at the moment.

[20Voices in reply to jewlz17]

Maybe look and see if you can find some self-confidence or self-esteem courses would help.

Also I use a thoughts record to help me in the situations where I start doubting myself. It basically allows me to write down the situation, then what my negative thoughts are about it. For everything negative I write down I then have to take a look at the situation again and figure out why I have had the thoughts I have had.

So for example if you see a friend across the street and you wave and shout "Hi" to them, but they don't acknowledge you and just walk away. Your doubting mind would say things like. "She doesn't like me", "What did I do", "I am not a nice person because she ignored me". You then take another look at the situation and come up with the alternative reasons. "Maybe see didn't here me", "Maybe she was in a hurry to go somewhere else", "Maybe she was deep in thought and not aware of anyone". So then you think about what you could do. In your negative self doubting state you may have decided just not to speak to her again, but maybe it would be best to wait until you saw her again and mention that you had seen her. Or you could call her and ask how she is doing.

A bit of a rubbish example, but I hope you can see what I was meaning.

I know it is going to take time for me, but I will keep working on it too.

Take care.

[jewlz17 in reply to 20Voices]

you basically doing the pros and cons of a situation thats causing confusion and anxiety. i actually do that sometimes but then when there still no solution i try to move on and forget sometimes it works but at times its in the back of my mind that i couldve handle the situation better.

but ill work on it i hope you are doing alright and i hope things get better for you.

thank you

[20Voices in reply to jewlz17]

It does take time and sometimes I found I had to get someone else to look at the situation because I was too close.

Keep working on it, it will get better.

I have ups and downs at times, but to be honest when I look back at where I was I am grateful for how much better I am at the moment.

Take care.

[Justswimming]

I like your quote very appropriate. I have issues with trust too. Some people act like they are your friend and the second they get involved with a member of the opposite sex it seems they don't remember you exist. But then you get people that are there for you when things get rough. So its worth it to try. Remember they put people in solitary as a form of punishment. So do things you like and make friends that way. So will be temporary friends and a precious few you'll keep forever.😊

[jewlz17 in reply to Justswimming]

I do have precious friends two actually but the third is a bit rocky and its why im overwhelmed. Doesnt help its the opposite sex so we view things differently.A lot of our issues is him tryin to help me but its hard for me to get close. I like doing things at my own pace or not at all and i was starting to open up but when things got bad i took two steps forward and three back and got guarded. Feel like im in a ping pong match with my emotions