What is wrong with me?

[yatra]

Being a 21 year old, i feel like i havent done enough, i start doing a lot of things look for a lot of opportunities and try to make the best out of my current situation. I want to become a better person so i read books, i watch youtube videos that talks about self development etc but then i make a good amt of progress and go back to feeling like i'm not doing enoughso i stop. just stop and go back to my old habits. how much ever i try, how much ever i keep telling myself that do this for yourself, it is going to help you become a better person do go back to your comfort zone but nothing seems to be working. how do i turn the tables and make things workout for me? how do I become who I want to be? nothing has happened im just on a summer vacation and these are the only thoughts that come into my mind. why am i feeling lonely? i don't really have people around me who can understand me, parents are out of the question, friends are busy with their own lives and wouldn't take the time to reply to me, therapy is not affordable. so the ony person i can talk to is myself, it has been this way for 18 years. why do i always have to be the one to understand? i feel like im going crazy. i go for a run sometimes but then when i put on music, i go into my delusional world, i try waking up early thinking yess its going to be a wonderful day tomorrow and then end up sleeping extra hours cause my brain hurts and then i go about the day without getting any of my things done, like i have tons and tons to study, but then it overwhelms me, even though i do study a bit if i don't remember i tend to giveup and then i just dont do it amd then the end of the day comes along with a truck load of guilt, so i start but then don't get anything done. I wonder what is WRONG WITH ME? I sometimes seek for another person to help me out get my things done, who would help me sort things out, who would just give me the support i need. all my life, i'm always the one who has to take the role of an adult to take care of myself and to never give up, i know whatever is meant for me will find me but at the same time i ask for how long is this going to continue? I try my best to stay optiistic and just never give up, somewhere in me there's this little child who tells me that and i will continue doing my best to just get through this phase but at the same time i just wish that there is someone who can just tell me what is wrong with me?

[Agora1]

Hi yatra and Welcome.

There is nothing wrong with you. You're young and still trying to find your place in life.

It is very common at this age. Once we find what we are looking for, we can give our

all to it. Mean while, we are searching. Don't try so hard. I can't tell you how many

young men and women joined the Armed Forces and were rudely awaken to what

discipline is all about. Some may fail but the majority eventually liked the structure

of each day. The accomplishment in going forward.

I found that music can tend to quiet you down but give you no motivation.

I always listen to motivational music and feel quite alive after that. That motivation

cannot come from others. It must come from your inner self.

As you grow physically, so will you emotionally. The mind and body work together.

When one is ready, so can the other. It will happen for you when the time is right

and when you are truly ready. Believe in that xx