Hurts like bloody hell. Grieving my dad

[Against_the_current]

He just gave up on me since i graduated. Now he moved to another city and is just leaving me on seen. I am sick and wanted to text him for advice but first asked how the new city is and he just left me on seen. I feel like he just thinks im old and now graduated and can manage myself but no matter how old i qm if he keeps hurting me, I won't manage. I see people older than me who don't go to work and can't manage their mental health. Right now I'm just a burden to mom. With graduation i lost dad, my place, my freedom, my friends, my health insurance, my position in society.... I'm stuck in time. No matter how much i age, I'm stuck at the trauma and time just passes and people just tell me im old. I've realised all my attempts to have a boyfriend, all my heartache was actually just searching for my dad. Firstly everyone assumed i hate my half-sister because she's taking him from me. No, i was mad because mom would be mad. While writing this grandparents called and asked me for the fucking job again. I'm litterary disabled. Even the psychiatrist would give me documents im disabled if it didn't require a lot of work and going through a commission and the lifetime retirement money i would be getting would be 160$. If i work 3 years 260$. So she said i better work. My grandparents scolded me and talked about work. If they tell my parents I'm crying, im doomed. Instead of apologizing, they would scold me even more. Damn finances and emotional unintelligence. Why did they have me? How can they assume by 18, i should be done? Or by the time i graduate uni? I see people much older than me in the psychiatrist waiting room and nobody is telling them they're old enough to work. I'm just being told I'm spoilt and ungrateful. Just because i love them... And i got a cheaper version of Clonasepam and i feel like it's not working. Also i have acid reflux and nausea and nightmares. I wake up with morning sickness and before when i was sick, dad was there. Now he isn't. And my full sister is not letting me touch her or speak to her. She's just b*tching because her boyfriend is toxic. Please don't say she's struggling too because this thought is driving me insane and she doesn't want my help. She's behaving like a coyote - starts grrrring if i try to approach her and makes unpleasant voices and bites mentally telling me hurtful stuff. My half-sister is the same - if i try to call dad i just hear her screaming like a goat getting bvtchered even though she's not even a baby anymore. That's why i text him and get left on seen.