In regard to my body movements, I plan on testing out my theory that people will look at my body movements and dislike and disapprove of them. What are your opinions on that? Do you think people will be offended by me moving around a ton and potentially being over alert around them?
Plan on sitting next to people at the... - Anxiety and Depre...
Plan on sitting next to people at the train station
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EricJones
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35 Replies
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Yes, of course people will be aware of your body movements and may get irritated by you 'moving around a ton'. It will put people on guard if you start behaving weirdly and being over alert, which would be a completely acceptable reaction to you behaving oddly. Why do you want to test this theory?
because I need to rejoin the public sphere so I can be around people and make connections.
I apologise, I didn't realise you have a physical condition that doesn't allow you to sit still. If you have parkinsons or a similar condition that involves trembling etc, strangers will be understanding and won't be irritated by you moving around a lot. Obviously, they will notice you moving a lot though and may stare. Unfortunately, this can be difficult to handle, but you can find coping strategies to deal with that. I wouldn't let it stop you from leaving the house though, even though it is tough to deal with stares. Why might you be over alert?
I'm afraid that people will judge me for overhearing people's conversations and paying attention to their body language.
You said in your post about body movements. What body movements do you make that you think might offend people?
I pay attention to people's body movements through my peripheral vision. I feel that someone might be offended by the way I move around a lot and copy move to their movements. When they move, I usually move. I'm wondering if they'll just ignore that, or will they take a look at me mirroring their body language?
Perhaps reading some books on psychology, including body language and CBT, might help you predict how people will react and help you deal with those excessive thoughts. Mirroring someone's body language can be taken as you taking the mickey. Mirroring someone's body language when talking to them can imply you like them. I was curious to know more, so checked out your other posts to get more of an idea of where you're coming from. It seems you ask the same question a lot about whether people notice your behaviour. I think maybe you should test the theory as all the answers you've received on this forum have not given you the reassurance you need. Let us know how you get on when you test your theory. I hope you are able to start socialising soon without all those stressful thoughts.
Yeah, I just always feel like punishment will come to me, if I move in response to someone else.
I understand. It sounds like you may have experienced trauma in your life and this has caused you to be hyper alert. Any kind of stress can manifest and create unhelpful pathways in the mind. I think it would help you to analyse your thoughts and provide reassuring answers for each concern you have. Writing them down in a journal or sticking them up on the wall might be useful. It might also help to say affirmations to yourself to keep you calm and looking relaxed; like "I am safe and I look good" - just some words that put you in a better head space. Why do you feel like punishment will come to you if you move in response to someone else?
All but one terrible response lol. I mean me just moving my body around when someone else moves.
I'm trying to test my irrational theories to see if they're in fact irrational and not true or to see if people actually care about my movements and my irrational fears are in fact true. and rational.
I believe it's noticeable. No one has told me it's noticeable. It's because I can hear people's conversations. So I assume that they'll eventually find out I was hearing them.
How can they find out what you've heard if you don't tell them? You know, it's a gift you have. Not everyone is so aware as you.
Idk, I'm not sure how the external world works. I'm not sure what people can hear and what they can't hear.
No, you wouldn't know. What others hear depends on their hearing acuity. I can hear most things but some of my friends cannot. In a room of strangers, you wouldn't know who could hear what. They might hear the same as you, or they could hear conversations differently, and that is probably more to do with the brain and how it processes than the ears.
So, can people tell when i'm listening into their conversations or not?
They can't tell what you can hear. Unless you are offering up clues that you are actively listening, they cannot tell. Even if you have earphones in, it doesn't mean you aren't listening. But consider this, if they were concerned about anyone listening to their conversations, don't you think they would leave the area or get closer together so that they could speak quietly with each other? Anyway, they're more interested in their conversation than in whether you, or anyone else is listening in.
yeah, I agree with that.
So, you do pay attention to people's conversations? Interesting. I'd say most people don't. I have no interest, I'm just hypervigilant and can't ignore it
It must be annoying to you that you can't ignore conversations that are of no interest to you, and very exhausting if prolonged.
Yeah, I'd think about that a bit. It's not a huge deal but it can be a little rude if you do it on purpose.
Who's being rude? How? and what is being done on purpose?
Yeah, but isn't that watching people not hearing people?
So, are you telling me you pay attention to people because you have to or because you choose to?
It isa good way to find a true friend. A true friend would not care. They accept you for you.
What an interesting conversation. (Yes, I've been "listening in") Sometimes the conversations of other people can be very interesting to me and I cannot help eavesdropping. Sometimes they're not. But this was interesting because Timas asked the questions I didn't dare to ask! And getting the answers that gave a bit more insight into your problems.
I still think that most of the time you are imagining that the people around you are paying attention to you - that's not the same as "noticing" you or your movements. Also that you believe other people can know what you are noticing and what you are hearing. They cannot, unless you give the game away by staring or joining in! You already know what is polite! But if others are talking close to you or loudly, they cannot blame you for listening.
Mirroring the actions of others is a good way to gain rapport if you would like to have a conversation with them. There's nothing wrong in it - experiment with it in the station and see if you get noticed. A very interesting experiment.
Thanks, Maggie I appreciate that. Do you think people just don't care about your body movements whether fidgety or not?
They mainly only care if you are sitting/standing so close that they can feel your fidgetting. Then it's annoying.😟😟
You, mean if I'm sitting next to them and like shaking my leg?
Yes, especially if you are "manspreading" at the same time!
haha, I'm guilty of doing that.
Dear Eric. I've read all your posts, and get the impression that you are really worried about how people view you. Have you had bad experiences in the past where someone has been unkind about how you look or act? Are you on any medication to calm your nerves and help you relax more? Do you have any good moral support, such as family, friends, mental health team? You see, most lucky people (and I'm not one!) just get on with their lives and don't care what other people think. I envy them, and have had years of therapy to try and become (what I call) more 'normal'!
If I may, I'll just tell you a bit about why I understand how you feel. When I was 7 years old I was badly bullied at school, and also at 7 years old my mother said I was deformed and dirty. Then I came to the UK from Africa when I was 9 years old, and just didn't fit in. From the age of 12, I had kerbcrawlers following me when I walked down our road, and then later on gangs of prostitutes shouting abuse at me. I was so scared of people's reactions to me that I became agorophobic, and couldn't leave the house for years. Years of therapy have seen an improvement, but I still have body dysmorphic disorder (where I feel I am grotesquely ugly and fear people will be unkind to me) and I get anxious every time I have to go out (even to put rubbish in the bin). At the moment, I have to be fully made up and looking as good as possible before I dare let anyone see me.
I'm so sorry to tell you all this, but I think somehow we both need to feel OK about ourselves and not worry about other people's reactions to us. Let's face it, it's only unkind people that will be nasty. If you can, just be the wonderful person you already are.
If anyone else reads this post, both Eric and I would be grateful for your advice on how we can change.
Take care, Eric, you sound like such a lovely person!
Hey worthytobeloved. I thank you for your commentary. I'm sorry you had to go through these things and that your mother would say these nasty things to you. I'm sure you're not that bad, and i'm glad there was nothing done to you that was dangerous by the Kerbcrawlers. Thanks, for your message.
Hi Eric. Would it help if you always had company when you went out, preferably someone you feel comfortable with? They can be your moral support, and if you are chatting to them you won't be wondering what other people think of you. xxx
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