I get so worked up about how I'm viewed by people and whether they can tell my quirks or if they can spot my irregularly body movements, but do people care like this? Are most people simply going to ignore these habits that I have. Do most people, for the most part try and be friendly and non-judgmental? Are most people fundamentally accepting?
Are Most People Fundamentally Accepti... - Anxiety and Depre...
Are Most People Fundamentally Accepting of People?
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EricJones
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34 Replies
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Hi Eric
When I wasn't feeling well I thought everyone could read me and they were judging me. Now that I'm feeling better I don't feel that way. I think it's because I feel better about myself I don't really care what other people think.
There are always going to be judgemental people out there. We learn in therapy that how they act and react is about them, not us.
Keep up the good work. You are doing so well
🐬
Same!
What do you mean same?
Hi Eric! I mean what Dolphin says when I feel really bad I feel like someone is noticing /judging me but when I’m feeling ok I don’t care at all what others may think. And I do think that people who are so critical of others are usually the ones with the problem, not the ones being judged.
Okay, I gotcha!
I do think most people are fundamentally accepting. Maybe not 100% of the time, when someone is having a bad day they can of course become upset more easily.
When I'm feeling really bad I feel everyone is looking at me and thinking bad things about me. I don't actually think they are, but it feels like they are, if you understand what I mean. I have made it a habit not to look at people's faces because it's so triggering. When I'm having a good day I look at people in a 'normal' way, not staring or anything, it feels completely natural.
Most of the time, like others have said, I don't think people are very perceptive, and they will often not notice things that seem obvious to me or you.
Yeah, I completely get what you mean. Another off-topic question I have for you. When I'm uncomfortable around people (which is still the majority of the time), My head is still, and my body is still. Do people notice this?
I always worried about what people thought of me my whole life but to be honest they are just as worried about how people see them as you are. You live your life and don’t worry about what people think. Most people are concerned about themselves and although you will have people that talk about others and gossiping. Well most of them are insecure. So you be you and don’t worry about it. Worrying never solved anything and never will just age you i guess. Life is short be yourself and don’t let anyone else make you feel that way . Take care and God bless you.
What a wonderful reply! It's so reassuring to read how many people have these insecurities on bad days - I thought it was just me!
Hey Fefe. God Bless You! I have another question. When I'm uncomfortable around people (which is still the majority of the time), My head is still, and my body is still. Do people notice this?
Probably not. It’s your mind just worrying about every little thing. But just say they did noticed? Ok. Does it really matter at the end of the day. 100 percent of people that’s walking on this earth have some sort of issue. The best looking people have flaws. Instead of wondering what people think. Give thanks you are able to get out and speak to people. Some people are bed ridden and can’t get out of the bed. People don’t realize that they are so blessed just to get out of the bed and go. You need to tell yourself everyday . I’m thankful for this day and I’m thankful for me. We were all made in Gods image . So you are beautiful. And one more nobody is perfect. Just let your light shine ok. Don’t give it one more ounce of thought what people think. Nobody really cares they are probably thinking is there food on my face or I hope my lipstick isn’t smeared. Trust me they don’t think about it. I know I wouldn’t .
Once again, a wonderful reply. You are a very special person!
Well, depending on the situation, I don't think I am fundamentally accepting of strangers.
Over the long years I've been around, I've had some threatening encounters with people who were behaving in ways that you could see something was wrong. It's a line you have to draw these days. Some people pull out a gun over nothing. The world has become a scary place... well, I guess it depends on where you live.
Thank you for your response. Where do you live?
You make a good point. I am not very perceptive and that is partly because I feel that if I notice people, they will notice me... which I don't want. My husband is much better at noticing people's behavior. If we're on the subway he can tell if someone is very obviously on drugs, for example.
Yeah, I'm like that a bit. It's gotten better over the past couple of weeks, but I definitely know what you mean and feel you on that.
It touched something off, reading "I am not very perceptive..." (about) noticing people.
I don't think I ever realized that because I don't easily take people in, it makes me more vulnerable. I am much more aware of my environment than the people around me. Case in point: "Wow! That Red-tail is spectacular..." honk!
You honk at the deer?
No no no! Oh I'm sorry for the confusion. My fault.
"Red-tail" referred to Red-tailed Hawks. I have a nasty habit of slowing in traffic to watch birds. Surrounding motorists don't always appreciate it. Their loss, and my bad.
Hi Eric. Thank you so much for asking this question. I've had a lot of help reading through the answers. Personally, I think almost everyone is accepting - it's usually only sad people who are unhappy that will say something derogatory. As someone else said, it shouldn't matter to anyone else if you keep your head still. If you can, try watching other people instead. It can be fascinating, and may keep your mind off yourself. Try to make up stories about them; try to think if they look happy or not, etc. And try to be approachable, smile and be friendly. Everyone likes that! (I know it's easier said than done when you are feeling self-conscious, though). Best of luck!
Thanks for this message. I'm getting less self-conscious as the days go on, and I continue to see people such as: Wawa or on my walks, saying hi to strangers.
Brilliant!!! They say doing it more often makes it easier and in the end it will come naturally. Bear in mind, you might have an off day, but just be kind to yourself and pick up the reins again. More power to you!!!
Thanks, man. You're a nice human being.
Good morning,
This is a super common misconception that almost everyone in this world has about themselves. Even if they don't personally acknowledge it verbally. Our minds/ subconscious loves to play tricks on us. The more we think about ourselves and what people think, the worse our thoughts become about ourselves.
Do you have any hobbies that you like to do? Or is there that you have always wanted to get out and do? Have you ever thought about getting out and doing some volunteering (Salvation Army, the local Rescue Mission, Children's Hospital, Teacher's Aide at school, how about the local Nursing home? They love having people come into visit or maybe you play a musical instrument you could bring and play for the nursing home residence? Maybe you would enjoy taking a night class at the local community college pottery, history, journaling...? How joining a bowling league or maybe you like the gym? How about coaching little league or a swim team?)- There is so much out there that you can do! It's just a matter of taking that first step. Maybe you are not quite to that point yet, but you could get involved into a local support group every week, or go to a nondenominational church and meet some friends there...
Above all pray for help that God will help give you the strength and courage to move forward, that He will give you a sense of peace of mind.
God bless you! I am praying for you!
These are all great suggestions, but still a bit early for me. I'm volunteering for the Democratic party by calling people and trying to recruit them to volunteer on election day to help voters vote. There are informal interactions on zoom, where I see plenty of people and get a feel about what strangers are like. So, it's a big step for me, but it's not in person yet.
Eric, if people don't tell you to your face that they don't like to be near you, then I would accept that they don't mind you, at the very least.
24 hours ago my partner went from hospital to a care home. Just 24 hours, and two nurses told me I wasn't co-operating. I haven't been told who anyone is, where anything is, what the routine is - nothing. I am not unco-operative but these two have judged me. In fact the younger one judged me on sight yesterday. My partner was crying today, but she said he was laughing! Couldn't tell the difference. I feel all at sea; I think my partner feels all at sea too, but I'm not visiting tomorrow because I don't feel welcome. I haven't seen any other visitors. That's how it works normally - if someone doesn't like you they will accuse you of something or start ordering you around. There are always clues.
Write to the owners of the care home and tell them that you have not had any induction, and people are assuming you are unhelpful, when this is far from the truth. You want to help and be supportive.
Cheers, Midori
Thanks Midori, I don't believe there is any kind of protocol. We get information from other patients, and the nurses (today's were lovely) just say "Just ask". When I arrived today my partner was in his room, having had breakfast there (this was lunch time) and a carer was washing and dressing him ready to go down to lunch. I only managed to get his belt past the first loop, as he was sitting down. I am going back in a minute. I don't think there is any protocol at all. My partner wants to go out; I daren't ask. But having spent a few days of anxiety, the nurses today were a breath of fresh air.
my experience is as you get older you put less value in what others think. I do think most people are accepting but there still are jerks in this world. In anxiety we can get very focused on something we think is noticeable but to others it is not. Depending on the situation and the type of movement (if it very pronounced) people may take notice or look but that’s a normal response I think. Try not to get to caught up in what others think (we can never know what is on someone else’s mind). Take care.
Joseph is absolutely right. I used to care desperately what folk thought of me, but I'm now 76, a granny, and disabled, and now I don't care what folk think.
In fact I try to make them laugh, by wearing outrageous teeshirts and making kids giggle by pulling silly faces at them!
Basically, I'm now comfortable in my skin. I'm as good as anyone else. So are you, when you realise it.
Cheers, Midori. Sorry, this was aimed at Eric Jones
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