Sometimes I welcome depression to escape anxiety. But other times the anxiety stays at the same level. Im too tired to fight much I think I will have to slowly swim through this ocean and ride it’s waves. I try to be compassionate towards myself yet it’s easy to feel unworthy atm. I usually think better of others. Why am I hard on myself? It breaks my heart. I have to be the one who loves me. I’m so sad...About my brother killing himself which intrusively attacks from a long time ago. I wish I knew where he was what he is doing. No I guess I’m not in present moment all the time. Also I am sad about my mom being in later stages of Alzheimer’s... but I lost her a while back really...so I’m grieving and trying desperately to connect with her. I am sad and fragile. But in a way I am still very strong. I try to do the right things. I spread peace and love. But I need to go into a deep hole and wait out this storm and I hope to find good shelter from friends while I recover.bless you
Sad grieving want to hide but need to... - Anxiety and Depre...
Sad grieving want to hide but need to share here
Hello Starrlight!
My Mother passed away from Alzheimer’s way back in 2000. It’s so hard...I know exactly how you feel. If you pay close attention, they will have moments of clarity and say the most profound things! Those moments kept me going! Keep sharing and know you’re not alone! 🌞🌷🌞
I am so sorry for your loss GratitudeFirst. She does at times get periods where she laughs and then she seems more like my mom.
Yes! Little miracles for our pleasure!
I am sorry for your loss... and it's certainly a scar on our psyche when we loose someone, and now, even though your mom my physically be here... it must be so very heartbreaking for you that who she is now is not the mom you had always known. This disease of depression and of anxiety is just hell.... sometimes we seem to get through stuff no problem, but on the down side of this disease we just become so fragile and breakable, we struggle through small set backs and find it 10 times harder than usual to just get the momentum to move forward. Your right though... the best we can do in the storm is ride the waves.... and hope for it to pass sooner than not. I'm glad your sharing about it.
So true! It angers me that the positive upbeat mom has turned into a person who continually speaks words of hate and acts up with strange behavior. I also worry that I will get Alzheimer’s. Thank you for being glad I am sharing. I appriciate you.
your in a very tough situation with your mom.... it's heartbreaking... but just remember this is not your mom.... as hard as that is.... I know you know that.... but if there is some way you can disassociate yourself it may help with the hurt.... kind of in the way caregivers have to, to be able to do their job... not that your mom is a job... but right now she just is probably existing in confusion and doesn't understand.
She says hateful things and makes noises like an animal. Alzheimer’s is torturous for everyone. I think I already disassociate to some degree.
All I have is this tattered umbrella, but you're always welcome to share it, my friend. ☂
Aww perfect! It’s good enough shelter for me! 😊
Be strong Starrlight, you will find a way to handle the feelings. It is perfectly normal to grieve sad occurrences in our lives. But try to think on the good things about your relationships with your brother and mother. There are so many people who love you, not just because you are upbeat and encouraging but because you are a precious fellow human being with beautiful ways. I just find that keeping myself busy with constructive tasks helps to keep the mind positive. I also know it is imperative to take vitamin supplements, I take the gummy chewable kind. Stress depleted the vitamins in our bodies. Praying for you my friend!
I will be strong. We did have good relationships, my mom and brother. I’m recalling funny things they had done.
I keep busy but I still have the intrusive thoughts. Thanks for the prayers!
It is a battle you will win, fight the good fight of faith. Stay in prayer, stay in your word. It works Starrlight, it works. To pleasant memories, God’s blessings.
🦋🌞🍀
Thanks Alan 💐 🦎 🌲
Your very welcome hope tomorrow is kinder to you🌞
Thank you I bet it will be a good day tomorrow. I’ve got to think this way.
Fresh eyes tomorrow see differently 😊 x best wishes
Thank you for the gift you wrote. I am so tired...but refreshed by your writing. I need to build myself up, yes. I am actually working on that, giving myself pep talks. I hope you are well my friend. Thanks for the prayers. Love you!
So sorry to hear of this. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you so much Jhbo!
Starrlight, oh Starrlight. I am so sorry to see that you’re struggling today. I am sorry to hear about your brothers passing & your mama going through what she is in this time. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re a strong person who is has had so much grief thrust upon you... It’s no wonder you’re going through this. I think it’s safe to think anyone would be struggling with all of that. Please remember that YOU ARE WORTHY! You are brave, strong, & capable of whatever you want in this life. I wish I could give you a hug! We are here for you in this time. You’re always here for me & I want you to know I am here for you. Star light, star bright... First Star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight that you overcome all of this. Love you & lots of hugs!!!!!
I love your writing here. I am in the process of getting through the rough and becoming stronger and every encouragement counts. Thank you for your caring ways, thank you for the starlight rhyme. Love to you!
Just trying to make you smileeee with my cheesiness! You got this, beautiful! <3
Haha well it worked. Thanks! ❤️
Sweetheart you are so lovely, and real, my dad had Alzheimer’s, and mum a type of dementia, and you do grieve before they pass, it’s a tough one, as you become the adult, they the child, the loss of your brother, I cannot imagine, you need to take time, do you not find people like us are often givers, as we are constantly striving for affection of any kind, in order to feel loved, we need to give that love to ourselves, I am sending you healing hugs, you know I am here for you always xxxxx lots love 💕
Awww this is beautiful. Thank you sooooo much Florida! Love ya
Love ya too xxx
Hugs fir you today x
Hugs backatchya my friend!
Been thinking about you all day..I'm here with you..giving you a big hug..we'll get through this together..here's my shoulder..lean on me..
You made me smile Ellinaki! Thank you so!!! Lean on me too!
Still leaning on you. Hope I’m not to heavy. 😉 how are you feeling today Ellinaki?
Wow Starrlight, that is a lot to deal with. My question is how are u coping? Your brother's suicide is alot by itself. Have you gone through grief counseling? I would highly encourage you to. There are classes online and in some church's called "Grief Share" my mom went thru it after my dad died, it was very good for her.
Do you have help with your mom? Her condition can be a sever strain on you. If you don't have support, is there anyone who can help u to take some of the pressure off?
Are you sleeping? Are you doing some fun stuff that you like? Sometimes a walk thru the park is better than medicine.
We care about you here in this community
Yes going out into nature is my thing. My father looks after her too. Thanks so much for caring Countryboy!
I feel your pain. Lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's years ago. He was my closest thing to a parent figure, and a cousin that I was close to growing up. Family is important though. They never really leave us, and they make us what we are and who we are. Sorry for your pain, but thank you for sharing.
Thank YOU for sharing too. Yes so true; they are always with us.
It's been a few weeks, but again your original post really resonated with me. I was reading additional comments and liked your comment about seeing your grandfather in a dream after his passing stress free. I too had a similar experience seeing my grandfather in a dream years after his passing from Alzheimer's...he looked great....and the funny thing is in the dream he actually asked how I was doing....What nerve??? The next morning I called my mum, and stated grandmother died last night didn't she? Noone had told me, this was before Facebook, but I knew because when I saw him...it only made since he was coming back to bring her home.
I hope you are doing well! I typically never respond to posts...but yours I had to for some reason...and have had you on my mind. In regards to Alzheimer's I try to tell myself this is necessary evil...simply they couldn't of had my stubborn, opinionated, would of lived forever grandfather...upstairs in his worldly form....it's supposed to be heaven after all....I try to find humor in even the saddest of memories or life occurrences. It seems like this disease often affects those that had the strongest of wills and determination, which makes it even harder when they begin to slip away.
Wow! What a dream I just loooove to hear about such dreams as yours. Did you answer him? Even more amazing that you knew of your grandmothers passing. So maybe they can’t be with us all the time only at certain times I’m?... I wonder how it all works. I could talk of dreams, visions and the afterlife all day long.
How are you doing? I stopped having memory of dreams for wuite a stretch and recently am starting to recall some. They used to comfort me, most of them. They told me what I needed to know in order to heal or to know it was okay just how it was ...I do hope you are well... we should talk more of these types of unique experiences...I love hearing others stories.
Hi starrlight. I hope your having a better day today. Sorry your going through this. You are strong. Hugs to you.
Idk what your thoughts are on the afterlife but I believe that the people in my life that have past are checking in on me from time to time to see how I am doing. It helps me to think that way.
Hugs to you. Hope your having a good day.
Michael, thank you soooooo much. I believe that too; that there is an afterlife.
Maybe they come check on us too. My grandfather visited me in a dream and he was so happy and the stress was erased from his face but he couldn’t stay long. It helps me to think this way too. I hope they would be proud of me dispite my demons.
I am having a day full of peace so far. How are you?
I'm sure they are all very proud of you! I'm glad your having a day of peace!
I'm doing okay. Thanks for asking.
😊
Hi Starrlight,
How are you, I hope you are doing well. How’s your Mom?
I’m sorry for all you are going through, I hope you will not give up and you will have the strength you need for each day. Take care of yourself, you are in my prayers. 
Thanks Pink! My mom is doing okay today. I’m having some peace and quiet. The critiquing voices in my head are bothering me now but it could be worse. Thanks for hoping for me and the prayers. I will say one for you. 💕
I am so sorry that you bear these burdens. I struggle with depression, but would choose it over anxiety any day. Please hang in there and be kind to yourself. You are worth it and you are loved. Many hugs and blessings your way!
Thank you hugs and blessings right back atchya, beautiful! I think I really should be kind to myself and it sounds so simple but its actually quite complicated I think. 💕
Yes, I struggle with the same issue. But I tell myself that I am worthy of love and that I am valuable, even though I don't always believe it. Sometimes we must change our internal dialogue so that we internalize a more positive outlook. I wish you well!
Yes, I will try telling myself positive things constantly because even if I don’t at that time believe it entirely our powerful brain is listening and does eventually believe. Best to you! And thanks soooo much for this reminder to be kind to self!!!
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