”you don’t want to die, you want to feel what it’s like to actually live”

[DogMom917]

I am really struggling these days. I am really resilient but I have been on an uphill battle for a really long time and I am tired. I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel or the greener pasture right now. I am in a state of functional freeze, burnout, whatever you want to call it. I have very little energy. I do not know anymore what I can do to get out of this right now.

I have been in 2 different types of therapy for most of the year, but my health keeps declining and anxiety is increasing.

I do know what it’s like to really live, so I know what it COULD be like and how I could feel. I don’t know how to get there again. Especially in this current world.

Open to suggestions or words of encouragement.

[litethatnevergoesout]

we tend to romanticize good memories. it’s not a bad idea to keep ‘good’ moments in perspective. just making it through a tough time has us reflect on how strong we can be. when we reflect on what seem like great moments we can have the tendencies to eliminate any negativity surrounding them. it works both ways.

[Hidden]

I hear you loud and clear. I am either too anxious or so depressed I feel like I can never get anything done. I also have chronic pain from arthritis. On a good day I am too afraid of doing anything that might trigger a depression or pain flare up. Now I have some dental problems which will take months to fix. The only things that help are favorite music to take me out of my head. And I pray alot, I mean constantly when I am depressed. Today is a rough one. I had dental appt earlier and the car ride messed up my neck, nerve is pinched. I have nasty cold sore on my lip and a soft knee brace on. Sometimes I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there, for me and you. Post to let me know how you’re doing and I will try to give you an update lol. Sometimes we just need to vent. Sending you a hug and a smile 😊

[DogMom917 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I wish a respite for you as well

[MaggieSylvie]

Hello DogMum, I'm sorry you are in this position. It does sound to me as if you haven't had enough "time off". Have you thought what your new future would look like? If that future presented itself to you, how would you feel about taking it? Do you have support (someone from your field of creativity)? That's probably what you need to seek out.

In the meantime, don't feel bad for not being where you want to be. Be where you are and take care of yourself - make that your "thing".😊

[DogMom917 in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thank you Maggie.

I actually do not have good support in my life and I know that is a huge issue, but I try to build relationships with little success. Everyone has their own battles right now so it’s hard for people to support others while you’re struggling, but that’s one of the only things that keeps me going.

And you’re right, I definitely have not had enough time off. It’s hard to take time off and go on a vacation when you live paycheck to paycheck.

I really want to figure out what a good move is but doing everything on my own is near impossible and I am really at my wits end.

Any suggestions for how to meet good people these days?

[MaggieSylvie]

" Everyone has their own battles right now so it’s hard for people to support others" - I think that is a universal problem. I don't have time for friends other than here. It just seems there's always something to do as well as something urgent. I keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and then there's something else. My partner is in hospital but if he were at home, I suspect it would be worse. I was on the go all the time before he went in - what 10 weeks ago. I stopped working two years ago, and that was where most of my social life was as well. Now, I feel I'm hanging on with a thread - I haven't even replied yet to several Christmas messages. It's just as well I'm retired!

I only know that any meaningful relationships mostly come from a shared interest. If you're not getting out of the house at all, I would consider what activity you would most likely want to take part in, and it doesn't have to be one where there are lots of people around. I would choose Qi Gong, Tai Chi or archery. If I were more mobile, I might choose dancing. I have no idea what your choice might be, but don't be afraid to try something new. You might find a hidden talent.

You might find inspiration from your local free magazine or newspaper. Reach out, and take your time when forging friendships - not relationships (that is a different matter). You have to start with one person at a time; that person may have other friends so your circle could grow from one or two people that you can keep friends with. OR get a dog!

[DogMom917 in reply to MaggieSylvie]

As you can see in my picture, and by my pseudonym I am a proud dog mom already, and he is my why! I keep going for him, I do everything I do so he has a better life.

I actually told someone on here a while back about how doing an activity you like will surround you with like minded people. Easier to give the advice than take it I guess. I’m just exhausted and can only do so much.

I really want the connections though, that is what I told my therapist was what makes me happy when I’m down, a connection with someone. Very hard to forge new connections as adults, but worth the effort, ey?

I’m here if you want to chat over message, if you need any support as well (better at giving than getting 🤗)

[MaggieSylvie in reply to DogMom917]

Thanks, DogMum. I'm sorry about missing the dog "bit". Of course - so you never meet any other dog owners when you are walking?

Yes, thank you for your offer of support; I know what you mean about being better at giving than getting! That's me too. I haven't got time to be getting. At least, if I could afford a therapist I would have appointments to keep. I have a chiropracter appt on Friday, which is something good, and I can open up. At the moment I'm just grappling with my laptop not giving me what I want. Everything just takes SO LONG! Just noticed the beautiful sunset!

[DogMom917 in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I try to do the same thing you just did, acknowledging one positive at least for the day when things are compounding. I also try to make lists and accomplish just one thing a day, if there seems to be too much to do, I just make a list, and if I can check 1 thing off in a day, it will feel like an accomplishment.

Hope your appointment today goes well 😊

[MaggieSylvie]

Hi DogMum, good to hear from you.

I made a list yesterday and have ticked off everything except one item, and that's because I fear the amount of time I'm going to have to be standing to find the papers with contact numbers in them that my partner wanted me to action.

I've done a whole load of other things - agreeing to workmen for two separate jobs, getting the septic tank pump replaced, getting a quote for a "warm" conservatory roof, and canceling the job I agreed to the other day. £6,000 for a pair of conservatory doors is extortionate and, through Googling, I've found it to be unecessary.

I've achieved so much, but much of it was through serendipity, or I would have achieved only half of it. Oh and my chiropractor's appointment went well. Hopefully, now a weekend free of cold calls, but lots of sunshine!😊😊