I don’t want to live

I absolutely hate myself. Everyday seems like a struggle and my reasons for living seem to be reducing by the day. I can’t get anything done, I’m suffering from addiction, I feel like a failure, I can’t sleep at night because of anxiety and I am always tired. I really don’t want to live anymore. I hope something kills me before I have to kill myself

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the community

If you are in danger of hurting yourself please call 988.

Are you seeking help for your addiction?

🐬

[gajh]

Welcome. There is a lot of support available for you here. Give it a chance.

[6236]

Sangama please talk to us. We have almost all of us have been where you are and all we want to do is help! What kind of addiction? No one is going to judge or condemn you I promise.

[Hidden in reply to 6236]

Hi thanks for replying. I’m suffering with porn and masturbation addiction and I’m too ashamed and guilty to tell anyone about it. I have tried to stop countless times but I have failed again and again. I feel useless and like a failure every day. I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved, that I’m a disappointment to my loved ones and everything I do is bound to fail.

[6236 in reply to Hidden]

There are a lot of people that have worse addictions than that but I know this is terrible for you. Are you seeing a psychiatrist and or a therapist? They can help you with this problem but you have to be open with them and be honest. I may be off base but are you a religious person? It sounds like you are overwhelmed with guilt and the only way to get rid of it is to get help. There are so many addictions that we all have to deal with. Mine was food I always took comfort in food when things would go wrong to the point that I got up to 330 pounds. I had to address the issue and make some hard decisions one of those being to have gastric bypass surgery knowing that afterwards I would not have the ability to use food as an outlet and it has been hard but I do not have that dependence as bad anymore. I guess what I’m saying is it’s up to you to overcome this problem and I believe you are stronger than you believe! You have to believe in yourself! You may fail along the way but with the proper help you will overcome this! Try to find a good psychiatrist and therapist tell your psychiatrist all about this addiction, I know it will be hard but it is a step you need to make and if you are honest with him he will recommend a therapist that specializes in this type of addiction. I will be here to talk and listen but young lady you can and will overcome this and I believe that once you address this issue then the others will be a lot easier to overcome.

[Hidden in reply to 6236]

thank you for your kind words and for sharing your story with me. It wasn’t easy opening up and this is the first time I’ve spoken to someone about this so thank you for being so understanding. I’m not a religious person but I am overcome with guilt and shame all the time due to my inability to stop. It’s almost like a compulsion. It’s been years since I’ve been dealing with this. I am trying to find a good therapist who I can be open to. Hopefully I’ll be able to overcome this. Things look hopeless right now and I’m depressed and lonelier than I have ever been so you listening to me really made me happy.

[6236 in reply to Hidden]

Hang in there. And as I said if you have a psychiatrist they can recommend a therapist that specializes in this type of addiction. You are not a bad person. I am a religious person and I was taught never to judge someone because we all have our own problems. I have faith in you!you can overcome this but it will not be easy but I know you can do this! You are young you have so much ahead of you to let something like this take it all away. Keep your head up seek out the help you need. You have already taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem now it is up to you to take the next step and take control of your life. Do you have anyone in your life that you trust to talk to about this and get support from? If not I am here along with a lot of other people so never feel like you are fighting this battle alone. And remember that is all it is it’s a battle that you can win. Good luck young lady and let me know how things go and I know you aren’t a religious person but I will be praying that you find the help you need.

[corgi_fan817]

Sangama, please seek help. if you are not safe call 988. feel free to talk to us here online. We are here for you.

[Ryanlion]

Sangama, do not hate your self, addiction is an illness, just like drink,food,drugs,gambling addictions etc.. You will fail because you are powerless over it as many of us have been with our addictions. I suggest a 12 step program for porn addiction,if you can find one. If you are in the States you will find one. You can even do a meeting on Zoom. There are plenty people like you in these groups and understand.You can also seek help from a Psychiatrist or therapist along side it. It is what I do for myself. You need to sleep the loss of sleep makes everything worse. It may help to be on medication for a short while if you are not on any, or change it if you are. Do not feel ashamed or a failure it's not your fault. You have taken the first brave step to tackle this. I feel proud of you, Addiction in part is due to brain chemistry and also trying to avoid horrible feelings I believe. I wish you well, please let us know how you fair in the future. Seize the day, you are worth it.

[Sunrisetabby]

Sangma, I would like to send some warm wishes and positive vibes to you. Please try not to hate yourself - you are worth it. It sounds like you could benefit from improved sleep. Can you take any actions today that will make your sleep better. For example, if you exercise at all during the day it will make sleep a bit easier as you will be more physically tied. Do you keep your phone turned off or in another room when you sleep? Do you wear a face mask and ear plugs to keep out light and noise? Do you have a plan for what to do if you can't sleep, such as read a book until you are tired. Drinking noncaffinated tea or even hot water also helps to calm the body down. Little steps end up making a big difference.

[rbbmessenger]

remember they make porn ( or alcohol, or drugs, or even big Macs) because people, lots of people like it. I'm not saying it's good for you helpful or a positive thing to do but "they" make things adirctive and what people want. you can start to avoid these things but remember you're not weird for being drawn in to it.

[Bella_lee]

Hi @Sangma I know it feels really hard right now with the struggle you're having with this addiction but the fact that you're reaching out shows your strength and desire to overcome this addiction.

There are some addictions that you cannot overcome by yourself and you might need professional help, accountability to someone and practical steps that you can put into motion that will help you to limit temptations. There is a software app that I know called 'Covenant Eyes' this app installed sits quietly on all of your devices, monitors your screen activity, and provides protection through blocking porn sites. You can have a search online to get more information if you're interested.

We're all on here to support each other, so just know that we're all rooting for you to fight this addiction battle and come out victorious.

Your life is so precious and the world needs your gift and talent. You might be feeling limited now because of the guilt but you're much more than this addiction and I pray the near future brings you the strength and wisdom you need to overcome this struggle.

[JonM1965]

Hang in there. It does get better. Six years I’ve suffered but we keep going.