Struggling

[Bgkalt001]

Im a 38 year old father who is in the final stages of divorce. We have 50/50 custody of our son. This past week I've really been struggling emotionally. Its hard to function in my daily life knowing that my wife is seeing someone else. I am in a deep deep depression and I need to be better for my son and frankly, just to get thru each day. What can I do?

[Vonus5591]

Focus on yourself and your mental health. As soon as that priority, you can cope with the world. Do things that you need to or want for yourself. Meditate, 10 minutes yotube or youtube music to help you heal and move on. Talk more about yourself, to gain back your confidence and identity and to finally move on and even maybe date someone yourself

Treat yourself to good movies or documentaries, you matter and so do it for yourself

You are the most important person and mental health is the only thing you should concentrate on most

[b1b1b1]

When you are ready think about starting to see someone else yourself.

[litethatnevergoesout]

I feel your pain bgkalt001. I can only counsel you on what not to do, don’t focus on what you don’t have, don’t escape your emotions with booze or street drugs or meaningless relationships to mask the pain. focus on what you have and go from there. talk to a trauma certified therapist and try your best to engage your mind and body with proper exercises, whatever that looks like to you. find a few really good friends, new or old, for support. what you’re going through is not so difficult for many people while it’s the most agonizing for the rest… don’t heed the comments from anyone that diminishes your grief or emotions. stay positive.

[Bgkalt001]

Youre all so kind. Im just struggling with the fact shes with someone else. Its genuinely agonizing to think about and Im trying my best not to. I really am trying

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Bgkalt001]

I hear you! I always find that the hardest part too, especially if you love someone and have deep seated feelings for them.My advice would be listening to some good, energetic rock or metal music, if you like those. Try watching some vintage/nostalgic TV shows or movies from your youth. Some comedy films might be worth watching. I always slide back in to past memories to try and escape the heartache. Best of luck, sir!

[TennisPlayingRuss]

put your two50/50/ together and prioritise your sons interest in the relationships, no child wants to feel overlooked no matter how old they may be, and tell them frequently that you love them , verbally or electronically by text or E.mal, - your children can’t hear that enough! - and they may just become better parents for hearing it and passing it on to their own children in daily conversation ❤️😀

[Lovely2024]

you are already doing something very smart and helpful for you, reaching out and seeking help. If I were you, I’d concentrate on my son’s needs. He’s suffering as well. Having their parents divorced is incredibly painful for children of any age. I also would find a good therapist that helps you to process the pain and the feelings of inadequacy that come with divorce. Believe me, if your spouse is unable or unwilling to see value in you and in your relationship, if you gave everything and she never appreciated it, then why even thinking about her? If you concentrate on yourself and your son you’ll recover sooner and will be able to find someone that appreciates you and love you as you need and deserve. I wish you the best

[Teaching]

Please take care of yourself.

[Bgkalt001]

I am in therapy, just started. Today is better than yesterday and all of your kind words truly are helpful. This weekend is her bday weekend and Im just having trouble accepting that shes spending it with someone else. But i also know that i have to think rationally and not let my emotions get the best of me.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Bgkalt001]

I think it’s normal to have emotions just be gentle with yourself. it’s supposed to be hard to accept she’s spending her birthday with someone else.

[Midori]

Hi there,

It's akin to grieving, but the person is still there. The person you loved and had a child with. It hurts that you can imagine her doing similar things with a new man, and that it leaves you feeling discarded, and thrown out. Your Son is probably feeling very mixed up as well, so try to make time for him, do things together, don't let him feel abandoned.

Work on yourself (maybe with a Therapist,) Don't throw yourself into another relationship until you are good and ready, and can consign your previous relationship to the History file. Just be there for your son; he needs you.

Cheers, Midori

[Bgkalt001]

On Friday it was my ex-wife's birthday. And the thought of her spending it with someone else was unbearable. I called the suicide hotline and they advised me to drive to the nearest hospital. There, they put me on suicide watch and only released me after I was deemed safe. My family came from out of state to be with me. I really am trying. Just don't know how to escape this overwhelming sorrow. Its exhausting.

[Vonus5591 in reply to Bgkalt001]

Maybe when your mental health is better, you can talk to wife by letter or phone and come to terms with few things. Make contact with your son and any friends you have, as this will keep you grounded and in coping stage. Then use your time wisely and think about what you really want. It's going to take time, to get used to being alone and finally finding out who you are when you thinking of present better. Past and future maybe hurtful and so present, now moment more important. Feel and let yourself cope slowly with situation/issues

[Vonus5591 in reply to Vonus5591]

Being alone, we learn to cope but you need to get used to