Life after loss of a Parent.

[Shanm2]

I recently lost a parent through an unexpected death but yet i wasn't shocked when that phone call came (due to them having health issues).

Sometimes when a tragedy hits you think "well, what the hell am i supposed to do now"

Because you know, the life as you knew it won't be the same again.

But is this more of the tragedy or a blessing in disguise?

Is it 'how do i go forward from here' to 'how can i go forward from here?

I feel lost in a storm of emotions but yet calm and - dare i say it - relieved they're no longer in pain but saddened they are no longer here.

[Agora1]

Dearest Shanm2, I am sorry for the loss of your parent. Your love for them shows through

by the emotions that you are feeling right now. Of course, we never want to see our

loved ones experiencing pain of any kind.. So when the inevitable happens, we are stuck

between grief as well as hoping they now have peace.

This is the time when you realize that you Can and you Must go forward. Taking this

loss as a positive step forward in your life. First comes the grieving, knowing that this

is life's journey. Then taking a new path to call your own as you make your mark in Life.

As you continue forward, know that we are behind you to support and care about one

of our own. May you find the Peace & Strength you are looking for. xx

[Shanm2 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support with this 🙂 it means more than you know. Also, I think this is the first time, I've dealt with someone this close passing away. At 27 years and sadly not everyone can say the same.

Regardless it shapes you and your life is a way that perhaps forces change, and this isn't always a bad thing.

Your reply as always is welcome and i hope you are doing well x

[Alpakka123]

My heartfelt condolences on your loss. It is extremely life-altering and discombobulating. I lost my mom to lymphoma in 2021 and it is very hard. I am still learning how to live in this "new reality". Grief is a very individual process that has no timeline. Run from anyone who tells you otherwise. Allow yourself to feel everything you feel; all feelings are valid. There is a grief community here on HU if interested.

[Shanm2 in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank you and i send my condolences to you also 🙂 I can relate with trying to live in this 'new reality'. I'm finding at this moment in time that people around me are learning to move forward in this reality but i'm find this difficult.

As in i probably speak about them more than everyone else and i don't know if this is me trying to hold on.

Thank you for your words and also for letting me know about the grief community, i will check this out!

Hope you are doing okay, Stay strong ❤

[Alpakka123 in reply to Shanm2]

Thank you for your words. She passed in August 2021. It's been tough. The HU community is called Bereavement Care and Share

[Arymretep]

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your parent, I lost mine many years ago, and still miss them both every single day, I think as you say if you lose much loved parents life is never the same again.

Those that live in the hearts of others never die ❤️

[Shanm2 in reply to Arymretep]

I'm sorry for your loss ❤

Someone told me (i think they were trying to be helpful at the time) that when you're ready to see and listen to them, they will be signs and messages and only when we're ready, we will feel them again, but in a different way and from a different realm, but they very much live on through us. I don't know if the 'signs and messages'part is to be true but living on through us seems more true.

Thank you for your reply, Stay strong 🙂❤

[Starrlight]

let yourself feel it all and remember you can feel lots of different emotions at once and that’s ok

💛⭐️

[Shanm2 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starlight 🙂 I agree with what you've written here but it was pointed out to me that i do have a tendency to sit and stay stuck in emotions and although they're trying to be helpful, it made me think, am i staying stuck on purpose or judt letting myself sit with it?

[Starrlight in reply to Shanm2]

That’s a good question. I think only you can know the answer. Can you think of reasons why you might stay stuck in it on purpose?

[Midori]

It's normal to have these mixed feelings when somebody close dies. And it's somehow worse with a parent.

Grief takes time, you need to process it all over a period of maybe months. I felt bad because I wasn't there, I was 3,000 miles away in a different country.

Continuing seems hard, but you must do it. Tears are healing, don't suppress them.

Talk with your other relatives, swap stories, have a laugh about the silly things you may have done. This will show you that others are grieving too.

Don't take any notice of anyone who says 'Get Over it', That is what you are trying to do, and it shows you that the person who says it has no empathy.

I was lucky to have my two children, still very young to explain and encourage and dry their tears; it took the heat off my own feelings, because you have to be strong for your kids.

Cheers, Midori

[Shanm2 in reply to Midori]

I'm sorry for your loss,They passed at the end of April, so really, it hasn't been the longest time yet, but i thank you for your words and understanding. It has been helpful.

I don't have any children of my own, but my Sister does, and i can see what you mean when it took the heat of your own feelings and having to be strong for them. I think in some way, this helped my Sister to deal with her own grief. I'm glad this was helpful to you also!

Thank you again ❤