A Significant Failure That Triggered My Depression & Anxiety

[thebutterflyeffect]

Hey everyone,

I’m not sure what it is, but I’m fairly new to this forum and I’ve been trying to post every other day as a source of relief. Interacting with so many of you on a similar journey of healing and self discovery makes me feel so much better about my battle with depression and anxiety. The topic I wanted to bring up today was the impact of failure and how it can sometimes be the impetus that causes you to spiral into depression. It may be the failure of a relationship/marriage or a personal/professional goal you had. I just want to share my story.

I was in my early 20s when I moved back to Dubai from the US after university to start my own e-commerce business. It was a challenging and excruciating journey, but I was so passionate about it that I kept on going for the next few years working 12 to 14 hours a day on most days. we started as a team of 3 people and went down to expand to a workforce of 24. We saw many triumphs during the journey, including media recognition, celebrity endorsements, and awards.

However, it all came crashing down two years ago. A series of poor financial decisions and my mental health clouding my judgment resulted in us losing a large investor that could’ve taken the business forward. I was left with tons of inventory and millions of dollars in debt. While I have come to accept it as a failure that was meant to happen, and perhaps use it as a stepping stone to better myself in this journey called life, I am also constantly grappled with the feeling of shame, worthlessness, and guilt that I had to put my family through it. I’m slowly building my life back over the last year but having to start from scratch again was very difficult. I was paralyzed emotionally and suffered a complete nervous breakdown for the first few months. I remember not getting out of bed for days together at a stretch. Sometimes I would go days without showering or brushing my teeth - just hold up in my room. I just wanted to disappear from the world around me. Looking back I don’t know how else I could have dealt with the failure I had experienced. I’m still learning how to heal and emerge as someone who is mentally stronger and knows better. I think for me the lowest point in the last couple of years was when my family could not afford groceries or the electric bill at times. I still choke up thinking about it even though I have come a long way from where it started. I have learned to take one day at a time and make the most of the 24 hours we are all given.

I would love to hear about your personal failures and how you dealt with it. My failure may not be significant to other people or perhaps even a little shallow, but I grew up wanting to acquire a lot of success, with a heart full of ambition and a strong work ethic.

Love and Light to each and everyone of you 💗✨

[LoveforAll41]

howdy butterflyeffect, I greatly admire you for starting your own business, and for "failing". I truly believe that the only real failure is giving up on life. I think that enlightenment comes when we realize that we cannot earn worth. When I believe this emotionally I feel so freaking free and energized. I think that your experience is something that is from really living life, and I think that it is wonderful. I don't have the drive or courage to take that step.☮️

[Luv-Tex]

Hi butterflyeffect, thanks for sharing, that's take a lot of courage to even talk about something like that. First and foremost, your not the first to have been through something like that. Losing a business is tough. I had a business back in 2010, it lasted 2-1/2 years. Yes super disappointing to have to close shop. It broke my heart, but unfortunately life doesn't stop for anyone. You've got to get up and fight through it again, and again, and again. Life can be really tough sometimes. But when it's good, gotta enjoy those moments as well. I try to, but the older I get the harder it is. Anyway, hang in there. If you did it once, you can do it again.