I am coming to the realization that a lot of my depression comes from the perfectionism in me. I have an all or nothing type of mindset that I struggle with, sometimes I don't even see that I am doing it. This has created a very negative inner voice, and I am very hard on myself.
Just wondering if there is anyone else out there that's going through the same thing.
I can relate with you.
Perfectionist people aren't born. They are made usually by people putting so much on them. Expected to perform perfectly and when we don't it's met with disappointment then compassion. Then those folks go away and we somewhere along the way and took over for them.
As a struggling to over come perfectionism, it's difficult. Because it's hard to shut up that inner critic. Speak softly to ourselves. But we have too. After all we spend the most time with ourselves so we should be a lot kinder to ourselves.
So definitely can relate
Wishing you healing and peace 🫂 ❤️
I know that I wasn't born this way. I just struggle with the point that I'm pretty sure I made myself like this, like I don't remember anyone telling me I have to be perfect or anyone putting pressure on me. I am starting to think that is goes back to my parents divorce and the point that for a long time my mom was emotionally unavailable and honest my dad really never was and still isn't. And my therapist and mom tell me I am very hard on myself, so I know that. It's just really hard for me cause there is no clear cut answer as to how to overcome it.
It is interesting what we internalize and believe. I think that I always have tried to take responsibility for my parents emotions to avoid getting smacked and then try to believe that everything is within my control and thus everything bad is my fault. It makes it really hard when things aren't perfect. I feel like I read or heard something about kids taking responsibility for how their parents act vs believing that their parents are bad or something. Anyway...
Its just a struggle for me to justify the trauma I went through because of my parents divorce, because my parents were and are good people. We always had food on the table, we always had what we needed for school, they never abused us. All of those physiological need were met but I see now how much of the rest of my needs weren't. As I'm typing this I am starting to see how alone I felt even when there was people around, I never felt like I had a real connection with anyone growing up. And almost every time I would isolate myself when I wasn't feeling good I would just wish someone would notice I wasn't myself, that something was off.
It's one of those take it one day at a time. And if you have something you need to do, try to breathe and just go with the flow. Do your best but however it comes out, be okay with it. Don't nit pick. I gave a maid of honor speech and I killed it or at least that's what people came up to me and told me. However when I watch it back, I think "ooh I could have done that joke better." " Ooh I should have said this." Etc.
My partner is like you did great, stop trying to make perfect. It's great as is and you did great.
I'm still trying to just relax and accept how things come out.
yup. it's a shitty club to be in and has deeply impacted how I navigate the world. It's horribly affected how I work and has destroyed relationships with family members.
After a recent breakup that has been extremely hard for me, and opened my eyes to how badly I am actually doing. I see how its affected all of my relationships with friends and family over the years. It has caused me to isolate away from people till things get better because I don't want anyone to see me when I am low and feeling crummy. Even now that I have been off work and living with my mom for like a month and a half since the breakup, and I see how bad it is I still want to avoid people I know because I don't want them to see how hurt I am and how much I am struggling.
Hi Azalea, I am so sorry you are going through this. I always recommend the book "Feeling Great" by Dr. David Burns.
I think we with perfectionism struggle trying to gain worth by doing things. It is always one thing or another with me, getting work or exercise or school done, and I can never just have worth it is always the next thing. Anyway, the only real way I think to overcome it is to realize that we have worth just existing. I can believe this logically or want to believe it, but it can be hard for me to believe it emotionally. When I did though I had the best few months of my life.... ☮️
Thanks for the book recommendation.
I think the word I think about is being useful. And yeah accomplishing things is the only way I really feel that.
I have a long hard journey ahead of me to just feel I am enough at all points in my life, in all moods and emotions. And I'm scared I have atleast 10 years of negative self talk and being hard on myself to undo and it terrifies me that I will never be better enough to have a lasting and meaningful relationship with someone.
There is a first step to every journey. And there are a lot of people out there. I hope you don't feel that struggling this way means you can't keep having relationships. I think being in and out of them you learn a lot. I was, amazingly, able to get married, and while in my lows I feel like a huge burden to my family, I am still trying.
I suffered with perfectionism for years and also low-self-worth which are usually related. My parents also provided for me but there was no emotional support from either of them and I was also accused of being selfish or boastful if I showed any signs of being proud of myself or trying to stand up for myself. One of the things that helped me was finding about CEN -childhood emotional neglect which you can find a lot of good info on youtube about particularly the youtube of Dr. Jonice Webb. Perfectionism can be a maladaptive survival mechanism that you adopted in order to survive when you were too young to even realize what was going on and what it even was. It can also evolve when we suffer from low-self-worth as a means of coping for how bad we feel about ourselves in order to feel better.
Why do I always has more issue with finding another new boyfriend then before hand but has some toxic ex boyfriend's
Over My Head
I Don't Want to Go?What makes me attracted to men online via social media called Facebook, but not to any men in real life? ? Where can you find a group for learning disability for finding a partner 
