In bed too much

[Popovers]

Hi, I struggle with work anxiety. Ready to quit a toxic environment without another job lined up. A year ago I was forced out of a job after 16 yrs. I have mostly home and in bed sleeping and/or on my phone since Thursday. I have a therapist but we are working on ending therapy because I have been doing it for so long and he is close to retiring.

[Agora1]

Hi Popovers, Bed is just an escape from reality with no way out.

All the therapy over the years goes no where unless there is action behind

it. I might not have lay in bed but I did have a lot of therapy over the years.

I always wondered if I was doing it right, since it took so long to understand

what I was getting out of it. I'd go into therapy and come out with the same

dreaded feeling that this was going no where. And then one day, I had an "aha"

moment. Everything I had heard over the years did make sense. The therapists

did know what they were doing. It was me, not putting those words and advice into

action. Bed is now only my retreat for a good day's work and not an escape from my

thoughts. Your therapist retiring soon may be the best thing for you to now stand on

your own. Use all that knowledge and rebuild the person you were meant to be.

One step at a time. Retrain your thoughts to be more productive, more positive.

After all, this has become a habit now in staying in bed. But habits can be broken

with time. I believe in you. Now it's time for you to believe in yourself. Who knows

what's waiting for you. One last thought Popovers, remember whether you stay in bed

or find something you enjoy working at, the days and years will go by. Don't wake up

one day and realize what you could have had. This is all within your power xx

[Popovers in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for your reply and sharing your story. Good stuff. Heart touching: Rebuild the person you were meant to be, one step at a time, believe in yourself.

[Turnipgirl in reply to Agora1]

Thing is with therapy they can't do everything for you!

[Agora1 in reply to Turnipgirl]

No they can't. We can't just sit back and wait for the magic to happen.

We must be a part of our own recovery. xx

[Turnipgirl in reply to Agora1]

In one of the other blocks of flats nearby there's a blonde lady who I always see outside in her dressing gown taking things to the bin and she isn't very old either and I said to her one day would she like to join us at the pub to get out and about as it was too nice to be stuck in on a sunny day!

Main thing was we did try to be friendly and extend the hand of friendship to her but you can't make people do things they don't want to do and I didn't want to force her if she didn't want to so let the matter drop.

Many years ago I got nagged about being supposedly unfriendly by someone who I wouldn't give him his own way!

[Agora1 in reply to Turnipgirl]

Turnipgirl, it takes all kinds to make this world. I always have tried to give

people the benefit of the doubt and never push. However, it was me who

turned down all offers in social events when I was in the thick of my anxiety.

Now those friends are gone and there is no where to go. I am my own friend xx

[Turnipgirl in reply to Agora1]

Many years ago I was 21 and I would go out for day visits and holidays on my own as I felt strongly that life is happening now and no it doesn't start say when you have lost weight so off I went for day visits and holidays solo!

I got told I was supposedly weird for having done these things alone and I had become ever so upset over it!

[Agora1 in reply to Turnipgirl]

I hear you dear Turnipgirl x

We must live in the now or it's forever gone. xx

[Turnipgirl in reply to Agora1]

The way I live my life is that I would rather be filled with regret wishing I hadn't done things or taken opportunities rather than wishing I had and wondering what might have been.

[Turnipgirl]

Last month I walked out of a job where I was being bullied that I had only been at a couple of weeks when things came to a head one Friday evening when I was doing a 12 hour shift and I got shouted at by another member of staff and at this point I had had enough, got my things and walked out of there and came home early!

Initially I was angry when that happened as it wasn't fair but as time is rolling on I feel it was a good thing as I saw their true nature early and hadn't got attached and could leave immediately which I did!

Now I am back on the horse looking for another job and looking on the care home as a lesson in recognising when I am being manipulated after they said when I got offered the job the offer would be taken away if I didn't say yes immediately!

If that happens again in future I will let them take their offer away and find a better place to work!

In the mornings I do job applications to get them out of the way, future learn courses and foreign language courses and do a walk around the block to get in some fresh air and exercise nice and early even if its only walking to the corner shop and back!

With therapy I feel that there's only so much they can do for you and you have to want to put in the effort to help yourself.

[littlefightingfish in reply to Turnipgirl]

Good on you for being so brave and walking out, Turnipgirl! No TOXIC workplace environment is ever worth it. Will be challenging and scary at first trying to find a new job again, but when you find one that feels right and where youre happy one day, you’ll be looking back and be so glad you left this unhealthy workplace full of disgusting bullies. Hang in there, it will only get better for you. 🌈

[Turnipgirl in reply to littlefightingfish]

There was a lady there who was there for respite care who said to me how I was polite when I asked her if she would like to do things rather than force her and how I was a lot more cheerful and pleasant than the other care workers who were bullies!

There were some care workers there that were nice who had told me not to let the bullies upset me!

Here's a story that will make you laugh!

One Friday I was doing a 12 hour shift and I had brought in some leftover pasta salad and veg to have and had put it in their fridge and I got told off as it wasn't labelled which is stupid and petty!

Another one is one Monday I got picked on by one of the other care workers when I was getting a resident up and I had had enough and had complained to the line Manager who claimed that they were being unkind as it was Monday!

I thought I had heard it all before but no I hadn't and thought that was ridiculous just to shut me up and fob me off!

That Friday shift when I was shouted at by another member of staff when I walked out was the final straw and I feel it was the right decision!

Today here we have had our own homemade Sunday dinner of chicken and root veg as a change from the pub!

What I have planned to do is do all the things that I wouldn't have been able to have fitted in if I was still there!

[littlefightingfish in reply to Turnipgirl]

Sounds like a horrid workplace, Im glad youre out of there! No matter how nice you are and how well your intentions are you still wont be appreciated when youre surrounded by people committed to not liking you!

One day when you find a better job, you’ll be so proud for making the right decision walking away and respecting yourself. ♥️👏🏻💪🏻

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[Turnipgirl in reply to littlefightingfish]

It's not nice is it when things like that happen when you have done nothing wrong!That Friday just before I was shouted at I got told off for having put an extra loo roll in one of the bathrooms which was stupid and petty!

[Popovers in reply to littlefightingfish]

Thanks for this message! I love it and it is helpful and just what I need to see.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

Get a new therapist ASAP, and perhaps try a new approach. Cognitive Behavior Therapy worked for me. Maybe it can help you, too. Good luck.

[Popovers in reply to SameTimeTomorrow7]

Thanks for your reply. My therapist uses IFS and Buddist messages. How long is too long for therapy? I don't know that there is an answer.