dipping in and out of social painting

[secrets22]

Quite recently my good friend Karen was struggling to find a venue for her art class, and she is a very talented artist, using pencil, chalk, water colour and oils, and on the spur of the moment i offered her the use of my large dining room, we are now on the third week and its going well, but unfortunately i am unable to take part for full days due to other commitments, which then leaves me lagging behind, and i must acknowledge that i am artistic but am rubbish at painting.

I really thought it would help my anxiety but i'm finding it all quite stressful with demands made on me. Last week I was having major work being done on the roof and new solar pumps being installed, which meant the toilet nearest the dining room could not be used which meant the class then had to trail through the other side the house to my second bathroom( Why do people pee so much ), and i didn't really want people meandering through the main house rooms, i wanted to keep it private. The other thing was, i have a large urn for heating water for tea and coffee, but they fill the darned thing up to the brim when only perhaps 3 people want a hot beveridge, so next week i will use a kettle. A number of things have niggled me but i put up with it, but i have told Karen i cant do classes during the winter. 12 weeks from April is plenty........

[blackcat64013]

Hi Secrets22,Thanks for your post.

You were kind to offer a space in your house for a friend.

The things that niggled you recently have gone.

If you don't want a repeat, you can set some limits or boundaries with Karen for her art painting classes, similar to what you have with urn v kettle.

If you don't say anything, nothing will change. In that case the thing to do is change how you think about the situation.

Maybe next week will be better for you? 🐈‍⬛

[secrets22 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thank you, and you are right i must set boundaries ,but i know i am far to easy going and am a people pleaser , but i end up getting to anxious.

[Audiomarc1]

Hello Roddy. As a kindhearted person you wanted to help a friend in need. However our anxiety trumps our good intentions. I for one understand this. You want so badly to do something so badly for yourself or someone else but deep down you know you can't go through with it.....but you try to anyway. Then when the time comes reality sets in and you realize you're not prepared to go through with it but it's too late. I see what's happening to you with this situation and I'm so sorry it's tough to handle. I've been down this road many times. Maybe you could explain to your friend what is troubling you regarding this situation and put some guidelines in place going forward. I hope you can get through this with some peace of mind. Take care my friend. Marc.

[secrets22 in reply to Audiomarc1]

hello Marc and thankyou....you are correct in all you've said, and i should have made guideline's, but i tend to let people walk over me, but one thing i did make clear ,and as difficult as it was, i said i wont be available through the winter, which didn't go down to well with Karen, well, i cant have people traipsing through the house with muddy and wet shoes, because i have noticed most people don't care.😱

[Audiomarc1 in reply to secrets22]

Hi Roddy. If Karen is a good friend then she should understand that this is your home where you live, sleep, eat and rest. It's not an art studio and she should appreciate the help you've provided in opening your home to her and her class. My home is my private sanctuary and I have to give you credit for opening your home to strangers. I can only hope she understands that your guidelines are very fair and that she owes you a debt of gratitude for opening your home to her. Take care and be well my friend.

[PersephoneGreen]

Being a people pleaser and having anxiety is a tough combination, especially when it comes to setting boundaries. You admit that you let people walk all over you, so they come to expect that they can. Then when you try to set a boundary, something they don’t expect, it can upset them, like your friend Karen not taking the no winter boundary well. Which then triggers the people pleasing but in the end it’s better if you stick to your boundaries and do what is best for you. When we set boundaries I think it can let us know who are true friends are because a good friend would respect healthy boundaries, like asking them to stay in certain areas of your home or only using certain items like the kettle. Good luck in setting boundaries with Karen, and know that what you are doing is healthy and right. As Ted Lasso said “ doing the right thing is never the wrong thing”.

[secrets22 in reply to PersephoneGreen]

hello Persephone........and thank you, and you are right I must stick to the boundaries.