Good coping strategy

[MetalEnjoyer]

If you got any friends to talk too. Tell them how you feel if you're feeling terrible, depressed, or just not good. If they're good friends they will listen or just let you vent. No one cares about you actively complaining about your problems. Especially if they know you. I was having an emotional flashback when I went into work and complained about it. Talked about how I've been noticing them and identifying them easily. That got my thoughts off the stress and improved my day. I'm actually smiling for once because of that. 😀

[hypercat54]

Yes I do mainly agree but with a caveat of not venting a whole spiel of it which just overwhelms them. Its enough to say just a bit and that alone makes you feel better especially if someone gets it.

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to hypercat54]

We have a discord chat. We labeled a thread as the vent chat. Sometimes to also tell everyone how were doing. I don't usually just through it onto one person in the chat. I need time to tell them in that chat to possibly respond later and to also disrupt my thought pattern when I start feeling bad. I actually told them all how I have not been doing good. Then explained that I want a chat where we can do this because I'm learning no matter how I feel I need to say a lot. It helps too. Especially when its clear conscious and concise thought. Not like I use to be lol 😄. Before the only way I could communicate was literally to angerly complain about problems I can't control. Now I do that about problems I can control and thats with a lot in myself. My main idea was to escape that feeling of isolation because thats just trauma anxiety that doesn't exist in reality.

I feel it works well too. My friends have their own separate base chat for normal things like school.

I also do it because of perspective. Especially considering me and being blinded by hate.

[hypercat54 in reply to MetalEnjoyer]

That's good and sounds like a plan.

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to hypercat54]

I'll definitely take your advice though. After pouring my heart out to my friends and family though. Sometimes it's hard not to keep talking lol. It's so freeing. I feel like an endless war has ended and now I just need to deal with the aftermath. Bad habits, bad behavior, negative thinking, and just general emotional control. A goal is really nice when you have one. It feels like things will change.

I also think my friends appreciate me more since everyone is sorta realizing that we have all been so separated and that one of us quite literally was losing our minds from the isolation. Especially considering the past trauma. We're getting together on Sunday. It's actually given me a purpose in my friends group to bring everyone together.

[hypercat54 in reply to MetalEnjoyer]

You sound very sensible and are recognising your triggers and emotions. This is the way to start healing and I wish you very success on your journey.

Yes I know what you mean about talking in depth to those who can never understand and that can make you feel worse can't it. Better to test the waters first with a little bit and if they clearly don't understand or aren't interested then back off.

On the other hand you also meet some who also suffer and you can mutually support each other which is great.

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to hypercat54]

I've been pushing hard for them to listen. It's pretty hard for them to ignore a friend they knew for over 9 years lol. Especially considering how I acted during the worst of trauma and how I act period. I think I managed to help them understand enough to know that "body memory" or other issues that I have a very hard control. It was super, SUPER difficult lol. I had multiple mood swings. Severe feelings of abandonment. To even show them how much more serious I am. I gave my friend who takes good care of his firearms and I trust. So I gave him the firearms I have for safe keeping. Explaining that I need to get the thought of their existence out of my head until I'm healthier. I even used a article on PTSD to help explain to them the problem with being insensitive with certain words or not thinking about what I'm actually saying. My biggest issue with them is everytime Id ask to do something fun. They were "too busy". But it's like. The only busy thing they have is the thing that they put first like homework. I understand the importance of work, homework, just basic survival things. But that's what it is. They haven't actually lived and did things with others like celebrate their successes. It's like "dang I try telling you about my daughter's amazing growth". But you're too busy because your done with finals? And sure you might have a job, but so do I. I help care for a 2 year old. I spend whatever free time with the 2 amazing ladies that is my family. One day on the weekend is dedicated to them. I'm still able to find the time. Somehow you can't take more than a few minutes to find and it communicate that.

It just makes so me salty almost bonkers. It's so just frustrating because they self isolate so much that I don't think they realize it. I also do understand they have problems themselves without a doubt with what I know about them. Thats part of why we're getting together on the 20th to do like a fish fry or something. But dang for the past 4 years school was all they did. I worked a very isolating job because I work after hours in a school. I worked 3 years and almost went insane. I'm planning to actually switch to being a day custodian because I'm not around people enough. Hopefully that alone will help me significantly. I'd probably feel more apart of a community than just the colorful bandana dyed feather guy who comes in after work to clean the school. A lot of people actually say I look like a pirate, which is awesome. Never be afraid what to wear because the only people getting hurt by it are people who want to control everything. I noticed that people approach me differently. Less cautious like I'm not gonna bite.

[MetalEnjoyer]

True friend are those who can stop talking and actually understand. Instead of read the words you say. At the end of the day if they can't see what you're asking for or what you want to talk about. Maybe its a good idea to move on? Taking a step on how serious you are can definitely help. Stuff like with what I did with my firearms(I gave them away for safe keeping). Or an article on the mental health problem. As a supportive friend they should be able to take the time to read what you're asking for. If they lash out or get angry or just get uncomfortable. They probably have an issue of their own. Thats what I did when I perceived an issue. My friends would try to explain themselves out of some sorta self defense mechanisms. They literally went off with words and advice that literally didn't apply to me. So I literally analyzed what they said and countered it with how I feel about what they said. Than explained that when I'm angry lashing out it's because I'm genuinely hurting. Not out of a passion of anger, but sadness. Than I sent them the link on how to handle friends with PTSD. After that I think they were somewhat surprised. Shortly after that the discord chat I made to talk scheduling and dates opened up with them talking about availability.

I basically explained to them that their lack of effort makes me feel like crap. They ignored what I said when I confronted them about what my issue was. Than I realized what they were doing. Like a day later after having a breakdown. I got into text and explained what they said hurt me. Not because what they said is necessary wrong. But inconsiderate. Not that word exactly. But they had no idea truly how much a simple slice of rejection can rip me apart. Mental health, instincts, and fear are a really weird subject. I knew they were rational so thats why I used a real article written by a phycologist.