Making Friends again

I don’t know how to act around people anymore I have a terrible time opening up and expressing my feelings. I was fine at work at first, but now that I felt like I had friends and could trust people I had a little bit of a breakdown when one of my friends turned out to be a compulsive liar. I got very angry with him for talking trash about me and a group of people I consider to be friends. I’m not worried about him anymore because I know what kind of person he is. But now I’m having problems trusting everybody and kind of pushed my friends away. I pretty much tried to buy them back with stupid things like buying lunch And apologized to a few people for distrusting them and was honest about my past and mental problems and now everyone is treating me differently like I’m a burden or being controlling. A few people have made jokes that I’m some kind of control freak or something and it’s made me really insecure about my actions and things I say. One of the people I was closest to got more of this attention than anyone because she was there for me when I was breaking down, and I felt like I owed her the most. Now it looks really weird and I don’t know how to explain that my intentions weren’t to control anyone I was just so alone? Or am I being controlling?

[FadedShadows]

I really wish I had advice for you, but sadly I don’t. I do hope everything gets better though. I really wish I could help :/

[Hidden in reply to FadedShadows]

Thank you, I know that’s a lot of information. Any advice helps, even if it’s some constructive criticism.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hhi

Can you tell us your age.that would help me give you the proper advice

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I’m 23.

[Lostonceagain in reply to FadedShadows]

If this is you.. The rest was true, the only part I lied about is why I focused on you more. I realized I had feelings for you and acted like that because I didn’t know how to tell you and I’m sorry I should have told you but I didn’t want to loose you... You know deep down ty obviously said things about you, maybe I took them too personally or got jealous but I already told you the truth about that situation.. the other things I said on the online posts were honest insecurities that I needed advice for. The stuff from his weird stalky pms is mostly true. I wasn’t okay when I was talking to who I thought was stranger, and let go of some of the biggest worst insecurities I have. I would of told you about these things maybe one day if we were still friends, but almost everything in there I told my psychiatrist. I’m not trying to manipulate you I just want to talk and get some closure if you’re never going to talk to me again.

[Stray]

Hi

You don't seem shy, you could be controlling but who am I to say, you are your own person, I don't have friends and it's perfect for me, I don't have to worry about what friends have said or not said who cares, I have my family and that is perfect for me, take care🙂

[Hidden]

Hi there, I am sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately, none of us are going to be able to tell you whether you were controlling in that situation because we weren't there. However, if you are receiving the same feedback from a variety of people, it may be time to consider your actions and the effect that they have on people. I know this is hard to hear and take because we want so much for our loved ones, romantic, friendship, and family to be there forever. Yet, relationships and friendships sometimes end; and what I do know is that they definitely change over time. I saw this on Quora a couple of weeks ago: "You may have over 10 people who you consider as friends but only 1 or 2 will be there for you during your hard times. Be even thankful if you have 1." Sometimes I sit back and think, "how did I contribute to such and such situation/falling out/etc." Could I have said more, less, different things? I'm glad you found this site, so that you could -- at minimum-- type out some of the things that happened and what you are feeling. Continue to do that, because I think you will gain some clarity--not just about these friends and the situation(s) that you describe, but also that you will find some clarity with regarding you, who you are, and who you want to be. Maybe you decide to act differently in the future, or maybe you decide to develop other friendships/relationships. I wish you the best.

[Sabio77]

Hidden you are not being selfish. it was actually a good thing to share with friends how you are feeling. sometimes people do not understand what we tell them when we explain ourselves. they may not know how to act. you are not alone.

[shodan95]

You sound like a sweet person who may just need to realize that people care far less about your behavior than you think they do. Don't try so hard to make/keep friends and try not to care what people think so much. For example, try to remember what people were wearing today and you probably won't be able to remember at all. Humans have short attention spans. Based on what you described, the situation will probably blow over if you chill out a bit and don't try so hard. Not trying to minimize what you're going through, but just trying to offer a different perspective. You sound like a good friend.

[Hidden in reply to shodan95]

Yeah those are some very good suggestions, and things I can work at. Thank you so much!