Health Anxiety or MS

[Muef]

Hi All,

Since 2013... my life has been somewhat a constant fear of one disease or the other.

Thank to Doc google. I havent had a night in peace for the last atleast 10 years.

It started in 2013 with lightheadedness which made me go to an ent.

He said symptoms are of bppv and prescribed some medicines and did some manouvers.

The symptoms subsided but never went away. Anyway had started googling. Developed tinnitus. Forced my pcp to refer to a neurologist. Reluctantly he did, as he was convinced it was anxiety.

By this time, i was a properly health anxious thanks to google. Google had convinced me that i have brain tumour or ms. The fact that a friends wife had been diagnosed with MS during this time did not help.

Went to neurologist, he said its nothing but said.. lets have an mri to rule out. This took my anxiety to the roof and i never recovered from it.

After missing 3 appointments finally got the MRI done and it was all clear. Meanwhile got tested for b 12 and it was on the lower side. So neuro got me on iv b12.

But even before the 1st dose, particular symptoms had resolved. Completed my dosage of iv. This was 2015.

2 years of hell.. never did i know that this is the start.

Health anxiety had fully settled in.

2016 was a year of stomach cancer anxiety.

2017 was a year of throat cancer. Got laryngoscopy done twice. All clear

2018. I developed random pricking senations all over body. Not limited to one place. Sometimes in the head.. nose..face arms.. back.. trunk... legs.. thighs (most).

Never any numbness just irritating and slightly painful.

Convinced myself that NOW it has to be MS.

Went to my pcp again and he again did a physcial check up and diagnosed anxiety. Thankfully.

Referred me to a psychotherapist.

It helped. And the random tingling or pricking or burning sensations were gone.

2019. In End 2019 it came back again and resolved in a couple of months.

2020. Covid. all concentration was on that. No paraesthesia (google told me this name)

2021 stuck with Covid.. had it twice.. wasnt a big deal once i had it.

2022. Had a bout of these sensations again. Severe.. waited it out.. and again it resolved after a few months.

I noticed that even when i was having these symptoms. The intensity of feeling lowered a lot when i was extremely invloved in some other things like hanging out with friends. They were like Zero in morning.. peaked in afternoon and touched the roof when in bed and in the meantime, if i was mentally very much involved in something.. i could not feel them but the moment i was alone or less involved, they were back with a vengeance.

2023.. it did come but was overtaken by stomach issues. Gastro also said anxiety and prescribed some antidepressants which i never took.

2024 was turning out to be quite cool till one, begining march friday when this came back with full throttle.

Went to my gp yesterday and he said it very clearly that this cant be MS.. he felt tired with me.

1.In Ms, the sensations just do not keep moving to different locations, second by second

2. For 5 years.. if it had been MS, it would have shown some other mainstream symptom like numbness or vision problem( am afraid at the fact that since i am writing this.. i might develop them in the next few days or weeks).

3. He said that with MS. The symptoms are 99 percent on side of the body. They just cannot move from the scalp to the thigh in a micro second and also that it is not possible that when u wake up, you are symptom free even if for 30 mins.. it does not happen this way with Ms.

3. All other blood work (which he got done was ok.)

B12 : 250 which he says on the lower side.. so prescribed tablets

Cholesterol levels were high. But not very so he advised walk

CBC was perfect

Vit D: was 31

LFT was perfect.

Lastly he said. You need to put your mind to rest and stop asking for more tests and diagnostics. Thankfully.

Even if he had uttered the word MRI, it would have freaked me out.

Although knowing better,

Dr. Google is back in full swing atm, i am convinced that it is something.

Finally, i feel so helpless and a victim of my own thinking but i just cannot get out if it. Its continous hell..

Can anyone who has had such symptoms guide me and convince me that i am allright because now this is taking a toll on my relationship with my wife.. my kids.. my work.. everyone..

I have come at the edge.

[Agora1]

Dear Muef, please stay away from Dr. Google. It only exacerbates the fears already

in us. Dr. Google is a generalized definition of what can be wrong but only your doctor

knows your complete health history and advises you for you and not the general

public.

This sounds like Anxiety to it's highest level. Knowing that it can and does get our

attention, allows anxiety to take over our mind with lies and deception. We get over

one focused symptom only to go right into another. Anxiety has you trapped

right now but it doesn't have to stay that way. Your life is at stake right now....Oh not

physically but mentally it is affecting the quality of your life.

The "key" to ridding yourself of these maladies that keep popping up is to call

anxiety's bluff. Accept the credibility of your professionally educated physician.

Walk out of their office with trust and confidence that he/she is trained to do

no harm.

Believe in this and you will start taking small steps to recovery. Acceptance that

these symptoms are nothing but your imagination getting the best of you. I've been

there and it took my GI doc's last words of advice to me, to cure me once and for all.

After the ump teen's time in focusing on stomach cancer (and all tests coming back

negative). My doctor said there was only one thing left to do to convince me and

that was an Exploratory surgery. He would have to cut me from stem to stern

and explore each and every organ in my body, proving that nothing was wrong..

Oh however, it would leave me with a gnarly scar as a forever reminder I didn't

trust or believe my doctor.

Needless to say, I couldn't get out of his office fast enough. He had cured me of

years of worrying and focusing on my health. I hope this turns around for you

my friend. Gain control back of your life, your body, your happiness. xx

[Muef in reply to Agora1]

Hello Agora,

Thank you so much for such a nice and caring message.. sometimes words from strangers give a lot of peace.

I agree that the docs are educated professionals trained to detect such cases but even though i know this.. my mind wanders.. what if he missed.. what if this time.. it is not anxiety...

Eg: my last mri was in 2015... its been 9 years... and my current problem.. (bodily sensations) came in 2018.... my mind starts wandering.. that this was not even there in 2015.. so the mri.. u got done is irrelevant now... the mind f£%# continues....

Such thoughts just undo what i achieve or achieved in between...

Deep down inside.. i want my doc to say that its nothing .... i get better for a day... but then the what if parts starts and i fall back in the well.

My subconscious mind has become my enemy..

[Agora1 in reply to Muef]

Hi Muef, the "what if's" scenario is just another way that anxiety takes over our

mind. What if's are but a thought, not real. We give it power when we focus on

it and start to believe in it. What if, isn't in the present moment, it's putting our

worry in what could/might happen down the road. We've got to stay in the present

moment of our lives. This is the only thing that is real and is what we have.

Ruminating thoughts as these achieve nothing but bringing us deeper down a hole

of despair and fear. xx

[Always_hope_andpray]

I'm really sorry what you have been going through, I went through something similar and it took over my life, my joy, my relationships. Doc google is the worst! I've reduced searching my symptoms as each time it would tell me the worst case scenario, which gave me debilitating anxiety.

I did CBT and counselling which helped and read some self help books. I tried mindfulness and meditation too. I'm not sure if you believe in God? I found that helped me alot.

Practicing gratitude really helped me in the morning, I used to have really bad morning anxiety. so I used to wake up and list things I am grateful for. It could be any thing (ie warm bed, roof over head, loving partner, food etc etc)

I also learnt to reframe my thoughts using CBT and realised I was catastrophising.

There are alot of videos on YouTube you could watch that can be helpful too.

I heard someone say "all the time you're worrying about dying, you're not living."

And currently we are living! So thats were mindfulness comes in. To focus on the moment and not think too much into the future or past.

Hope you get well soon.x

[tommy2toes]

Hi There:

Like many other things on the Internet, some of Google’s services are totally out of order. From what you have described, this whole “doctor” arrangement is clearly one. Of course, it would be simple to say “don’t access it.” However, that would not really solve your problem, because it would seem that somewhere or some part of your brain is clearly hooked. Thus, all I can suggest is that you double down on CBT and try your hardest to avoid falling into what sounds to be a horrible mind trap.

[Fearoffear]

Run head first into it. Dare it to do it's worst. Stand up, stomp your foot, get mad. Tell your anxiety that it is ruining your life and you won't take it anymore. Sometimes you have to treat it like a two year old tantrum throwing child. You can get past it, I promise. There is nothing it can do to you to really hurt you, all the tests have told you that. I have been anxiety free ( with meditation and telling myself enough is enough on a daily basis) for two years in May. A little over a year into being anxiety free I lost my son and I thought ugh oh that's it I'm done my anxiety is going to come back and I'm going to hate myself again. It didn't happen I had all the things I needed to cope including coming here for all the nurturing I needed to feel ok. I come here when I need a pick me up or I need to give advice so that I feel needed. Just know we are here for support but the answer comes from you on how to let it rest in the background. Good luck and gentle hugs.