overwhelmed...

[11_11]

today i’ve been going through a lot and balancing all my uni work has been difficult i’m the type of person that would listen to anyone’s problems and for some reason people find my to be a the type if person they can lean towards whenever they need someone to talk to and some people might say it’s a good thing at least i think it is but sometimes it gets too overwhelming today two of my friends came to me with something they’ve been dealing with there two completely different stories but a lot to handle and i reached a point of brain fog i don’t want to disappoint them and k love to help them and give them advice but i didn’t know how to reply to anything today and now i feel exhausted please i would appreciate if someone could reply to this or message me personally so i could explain what’s going on because i think it’s too much for me to handle and i can’t go to any of my friends because every single one i know came to me this week and i don’t want to disappoint anyone

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hi 11_11

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I'm that type of person too. In fact I would rather listen to other people's demons than to my own cause I know it all too well.

It's okay to set boundaries and to tell your friends that you don't have an answer to their problems. And all of this is being to get to you. That you feel overwhelmed. You need some space so you can breathe. If they are good friends, they should understand that.

Sometimes people forget that other people too have things going on in their personal life and can't always be the "ear" or "shoulder". You are not a disappointment. No, it's not necessarily a bad thing that people feel comfortable with you that they trust in you enough to confide in you. But it can be overwhelming especially if you're a people pleaser. You don't want to hurt, disappoint or be mad at you because you weren't there for them. Which means you might put aside your issues you are struggling with or set aside your boundaries, now that is not good.

You have to take care of yourself first in order to look after others. You have to go back to the well to refill your bucket 🪣 so you can give water to the people. It sounds like you need to go back to the well. It's fine to recharge.

Friends shouldn't make you feel guilty about it.

Wishing you healing and peace 🫂❤️

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hi CL3VR-GIRL, I like your reply. Smiley face not available!!

[tommy2toes]

Hi Ya:

Crusty old guy here. Having read through your post, I see much of what I was like when much younger. Thus, allow me to share some thoughts. First, make sure you don’t overemphasize with those around you. Instead, look inside your heart of hearts and put your own psyche first and foremost. Expressed more simply, be comfortable in your own skin. Second, in order to not subordinate yourself to the emotional demands of others, find something that interests you and is easily accessible in a mental sense. For example, it might be one of the subjects you are studying. By engaging more fully with things like that, you might be able to more fully detach yourself from the upheavals that your friends are experiencing in their own lives. Finally, during my years at university, there were professional counseling services made available to students who felt somewhat overwhelmed by their circumstances, if services are available to you, make use of them, because such counselors are much more experienced in such matters than broken down fossils like me.

Best of luck

t2t (tommy2toes)

[mizzou7016]

As a major empath...this is a daily struggle for me. The most important thing to remember is that it is necessary to put yourself on your priority list of care. You should be just as important to yourself as everyone you are trying to help

[MaggieSylvie]

Sounds like overwhelm, when your brain is already full of what you have been trying to study. It is not your job to fix things for other people. If you want to help them but you are suffering from brain fog, you should maybe say to them "Can you give me some time to process all of this and let me get back to you later/tomorrow/Friday?" Professionals who sort out people's problems can't always do so at the drop of a hat" - it's just too much. IDK, there seem to be so many difficult situations on HU at the moment; let's hope that Easter comes and brightens up everyone's world (including yours and mine).😊😊

[Sh4d0w]

We can't be there for everyone all the time and we can't put others before ourselves. That said, I've gone through similar and what I discovered was that my internal boundaries were weak. This might not apply to you but I'll explain it in case it's of some use. I have a history of emotionally taking on the problems of others. I couldn't be there for them without it affecting me emotionally and zapping my energy. It was like I absorbed it as my own through empathy but that empathy was disfunctional. Over time I became less empathetic because I did not have good emotional boundaries, or any other kind of boundaries, and as a result started becoming a bit more ego centric. In short, I abandoned myself for others, hit a wall, and became the exact opposite. So, the fix is in how I started. If we're not taking care of ourselves, we cannot help others. If we give and give without refilling our own cup, we become a burden ourselves. Boundaries, self care, learning our limits, and knowing it's okay to say "not right now." ... this is a bit of a ramble. I apologize. Hope it makes sense.