Not doing good

[Alwayscincinnatigirl]

Hello all I am not doing well for the last 2 weeks I have been in this dark place I cant seem to get out of I have a therapist but the thing is I won't even talk to her I just shut everyone out I feel judged if I talk to anyone about what I have going on even though no one has ever judged me to my face anyway but in my head people are or they are talking about me I don't like to share my feelings with anyone cause I feel like they will see me as weak and use it against me I have a hard time trusting people my ex husband used to beat me up for 10 years and I tell myself oh you weak you let a man beat you up that long you was supposed to be strong like others saw me (no one knew I was being beat i lied and hid it) then when I got a divorce and found real love someone who loved me for me he was murdered right outside our home that replays over and over in my head its still like it happened yesterday its been years but its fresh to me in my head I don't like to talk about it at all,I was fortunate to find love again and I am married to a wonderful man but I don't talk to him cause I don't want to bring him down and really he just don't get it he once said years ago well just get over it be happy he does try to get it more now though,I know I should go to therapy but its hard when you feel judged there as well even though she is a great lady I am sorry so long was just trying to see if writing stuff down could help me a little thank you to who ever reads this and even sends positive vibes my way.

[pearl033]

First of i’m so happy that you found someone who treats you right! I feel it’s v hard to find love that will nurture you n give you that opportunity to grow together.

As for the mentioning of judging i understand that having a place to be and say as you please with no side eyes or offensive words is very important to those who need it. I struggle to find people to be myself around, just that alone is hard but when it comes to my issues with my mentality that’s a whole other story!

People do tend to say the wrong things but it’s mostly bc they probably don’t KNOW what to say or bc they don’t UNDERSTAND. I’ve have had family members including my own mom say things to me which knocked me down a few notches mentally.

I have written before but i felt it wasn’t enough for me. i guess i just wanted to feel heard or understood, which i feel is important for me. I KNOW im not the only one w these issues but i want to FEEL heard and understood by those people who understand.

I hope that you can b open with him and comfortable enough to share how you are feeling bc then he can possibly reassure you and help this situation you’re in.

[CalmingCats]

I understand what you are going through with your husband. My husband is the same. He is loving and my best friend, but he does not understand. He has said, "Just get over it". He wants to fix it, but he can't. I have accepted that. I have found a therapist I can talk to, cry in her presence, and break down.

It can be hard to trust when you spend ten years in a situation where you cannot trust your husband to treat you like a valued human being. I am so sorry for what you went through. Perhaps it would help to start by talking about your second husband and the joy he brought you. Then move to other topics as you become more comfortable with your therapist.

You are a strong woman. You have been through so much and survived. You have found love again. Morning the loss of a loved one does not make you weak. It is a testament to your capacity to love.

[Alwayscincinnatigirl]

Thank you all for your kind words