How do you get to "good enough"?

[alvinflang]

I've been observing my life from a bird's eye view and I find that most of the negative feelings I have toward myself are related to this notion that I'm still not good enough. I went to college, but I lost my scholarship after year 3 and didn't finish. I was the first person in my family to go to college. I've been the first person in my family to do a lot of things, but even in moments of achievement I've always been reminded that I could have done _____ or I would be better if I was _____. I feel like it was inevitable for me to be a failure. I was never going to live up to people's expectations in this life. And now I'm just a failure with music no one listens to and nothing to show for all of that work.

So I come here looking for some perspective. How do you get to a place where you feel good enough? How do you get to the place where you stop believing that the world would be a better place without you in it?

[Blueruth]

You have a bad case of imposter syndrome! You have made awesome achievements but then believe you don't deserve if. OF COURSE you do! Why should you not be the one to make it?

Coulda woulda shoulda is bogus. It is never about regrets. It is never about tomorrow either. You are overwhelming yourself thinking about it. Cliche but true... today is the only day there is. So what can you do TODAY to make your day worthwhile? That is way less overwhelming from "what am i going to do for the next year?" When today is over you have today to start again. Make sense?

Having that frame of mind doesn't mean I will have a good day. It does mean that when I am on the fence about getting some project done or doing my daily dose of exercise I am more likely to do it rather than put it off. If I don't I can have a clean slate tomorrow.

[Agora1]

Hi alvinflang When you stop trying to live up to other's expectations is whenyou will feel worthy to be here on this planet in your own skin. Honestly my friend,

life isn't about being who you think others want you to be. It's about living your own

life to the fullest whatever that may be. Focus on what you like and what you enjoy.

Never allow yourself to make you think that the world would be a better place without you. It's not true. You would leave an emptiness and hole in many hearts. We care xx

[fauxartist]

I think sometimes we can set ourselves up for failure because we may not feel we deserve to be happy. I don't know you or your childhood, but sometimes when kids don't get a lot of support and encouragement as kids, they can always feel less than. It's makes us self defeatists as adults because no matter how much good we do, it feels like it's never good enough, or enough, and that overachiever who sets impossible goals will always feel like they have failed.

But the truth is... you are actually still doing so much, and achieving much in all this trying. I had learned a great thing from my therapist many years ago who said this to me: ...'what you do, because you tried, is good enough'. 'And some days we can take a break and just be content without any agenda, just watch the world go by, we are allowed to do that'. I had to learn to give myself permission ... we try, ... sometimes we fail at something, so we try something else.

Learn to look at all the things you have really learned and done, be proud of that, and know that is good enough. And there is a whole world out there to explore new things, but with no need to set unrealistic goals, just enjoy the process.

[71265]

Thank You For This Post! You Are Not Alone! Just This Morning While Watering The Honeysuckle Vines I Planted For Myself, I Wondered If They Would Survive Because I Felt For A Moment That I Didn't Deserve Them. I Sometimes Feel Like I Don't Deserve Nice Things Because I Am Not Good Enough.

[Agora1 in reply to 71265]

Unfortunately my friend, it's the people who do deserve the best in life that thinkotherwise. You are the best that you can be and more...don't allow anxiety to tell

you anything less. xx

[71265 in reply to Agora1]

Thank You!

[Midori]

I think your family did you a disservice, trying to live through you, so your successes would also be theirs. 'My son the Brain Surgeon Syndrome' is what I call it!

I don't know your age, are you a legal adult? Of course you are.(College) Silly me!

Are they still giving you trouble over this?

Family expectations are a curse to the young person, trying to keep up with Parent's ambition, for the bragging rights.

So, You are an adult. If you are still at home, move out! If you are living independently, all the better.

I would suggest you go low contact with your family for awhile, until you have your head in the right condition to be able to counter their remarks

Your music greatly depends on your state of mind, you can't write or play well if your head is in turmoil.

Do you have a job? Probably a good thing to get one if you don't, just to keep the wolf at bay, until you can get some gigs. Then you can get the views of others about your musical prowess. Be there, in amongst other musicians as often as possible, go as a session musician, ask around to find out how to do this. If they will let you, do guest spots. Stay visible. If you are not visible, it's easy to be forgotten. there are always others to fill the gap which could be yours. And never turn your nose up at teaching your Craft, it can bring in quite a tidy sum.

I hope some of this helps you.

Cheers, Midori