I’m not quite sure where to begin.
Last year I had my younger daughter and then I had a stroke 5 days later. My fiancée who had never even held a baby was suddenly charged with taking care of me (my entire right side was paralyzed, I couldn’t see out of both of my eyes, & my memory and speech there but like a 1/10) and my younger daughter (my older daughter is 12 I HAVE done this before). We had no support. His sister came out for one week and that was our support, she is a wonderful person just a very busy mom, wife, and worker ❤️.
Basically about two months into my recovery I noticed some bruising on my baby, took her to the dr and then the er thinking it could be a bleeding disorder bc I didn’t have any answers on what caused my stroke at that point. Long story short they ruled them accidental and TOOK HER. My fiancé had held her leg too tight while changing a poopy bc he was puking into his shirt while changing her. We started fighting to get her back.
Now it’s been a year. I just got her back 1 & 1/2 months ago. In order to do so I had to move in with my mom, away from my fiancée bc they saw him as the problem. We’re now a little over 3K miles away from each other.
During all of this I broke down once. Beyond that I have remained strong, kept pushing, kept a brave face, never let them see me angry.
BUT now that my daughter is back I’m ALWAYS so anxious. Did she just bump her knee? Will that be a bruise? Are they gonna take her again? Ope she just bumped her head on the floor 🤞 nothing pops up.
I’m nervous they’ll say I’m not doing a good enough job so I’m sweeping 4X’s a day, doing the dishes anytime a dish is in the sink, picking up constantly.
I’m nervous they’ll say I’m not feeding her well enough so I got some enfagrow toddler formula and I homemake allll of her meals to very specific things. Breakfast is fruit and fortified baby oatmeal. Lunch is grains such as whole grain pasta or brown and wild rice, dairy such as cottage cheese, a mix of green beans, peas, carrots, and corn, with a protein but she doesn’t like whole meat so she needs ground meat like some turkey meat balls using ground turkey. Dinner she’ll eat another meal much like lunch and if she wants some of what I cooked for the adults she can have some. On top of all of her baby fortified snacks.
I trim her nails once a week now bc she gave herself a dot sized scratch on her nose.
And my therapist had been working on me cleaning a little less and relaxing a little more bc I had told her by the end of the day once she’s in bed I just don’t have the energy to like play a game online with my boyfriend or anything. Exhausted.