Struggling

[Beakster1970]

Hi. I'm new. Hope I'm doing this right.My story is pretty complex but I'll try to keep it simple. Me and my wife have been married for 24 yrs. We're about the closest couple u could find. Sulfates u might say. Very strong bond. Midlife hit with several traumatic events such as her mothers surprise heartattack and shocking death, close nephew that went to prison, dog of 15 yrs that was like her own kid died, empty nest syndrome, trouble with a few family members and add childhood trauma of her past and caused her to fall apart. She could handle no stress anymore and moved in with her best friend for a stress free supportive space. Left me abandoned and traumatized. Turned my entire life upside down. Do the best I can but is very hard to be pushed so far out of her life. She won't do therapy and has damaged me big time. I do a vr peer support group which has helped a great deal. Still struggling and she does say she still loves me but it is so very hard cuz I feel like I went from a hero to a zero. Thanks for listing to my story. Just broken hearted

[BettingGetter]

Beakster is sounds like you have every right to feel broken hearted. I have absolutely no advise to give you other than to say you are not alone in your feelings, your feelings are normal and natural and try not to be alone in your life.

[Downinil]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Since she still loves you I believe that you two can make it work eventually. My late husband and I separated but visited each other every day until he passed. When there’s love, “sulfite” will keep you together.

[Cyprusfan]

Hi. I feel reading from what you have said its not the end of your life journey together. Give her space and I think she will return. My husband went through a lot of trauma, had depression took anti depressants but also self medicated with alcohol. It was hard to get through it. But we have come out the other end. Your wife is using her friend as her crutch and leaning on her. Sending you my best wishes

[LoveforAll41]

This is an incredibly difficult situation Beakster. I am so sorry that you are going through it. It is so hard when people we love are struggling. I think it is important to remember that you can't control her feelings. Even when we do stuff out of love others may not feel loved. I think that remembering this is empowering since it takes the worry off of our plates. Your wife is going through something, and will have to process it to some point before she is ready to move on apparently.

[dutchgirl71]

Give her time. Take time for yourself. This doesn’t mean your marriage is over. You will come out stronger in the end.

[Midori]

I'm not sure what to say, but it looks as if there might have been other factors other than the deaths that she felt she couldn't tell you about.

The other family issues could also be factors.

I hope her best friend is up to the job of taking care of her if she won't get help. From what I gleaned, you are not at fault here.

I'm glad you are getting some help at least, although I'm not sure quite what a vr support group does. Do you also get medical help for the depression?

Cheers, Midori

[Bastian7]

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you both. Probably the best thing to do at the moment is to try to have patience, and give your wife the space she needs, before you can come together again. Hopefully you'll then continue your journey of healing together. In the meantime all you can do is work on yourself, and try to do what's most beneficial for you right now.