Curious

[Igneousbonsai]

How do you find the "why?" I been trouble with finding my "why" in the world. And honestly, every day gets harder and harder and my mind only spirals farther from there. I feel like I am not even really alive because I have been high everyday for weeks and when I am sober its hard to not think of hurting myself. My world seems to be shutting down and I am not quite sure how to get it to work. It just feels lile I have all these rocks on me that are weighing me down and I dont want to feel this way. The only way that I can feel something or like I am actually here, present in this world is pain from a lighter or being high and I dont think that I want to live like this. Everything is just so painful and I dont feel like being in pain all the time anymore.

[litethatnevergoesout]

hi. what drugs are you on? everyday?

[Igneousbonsai in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Yeah. I have been smoking a lot of weed lately just to help get me through the day without feeling so flustered.

[Beekept]

A couple of the phrases you used in your post make me worry for your safety. If you're feeling suicidal there are resources out there to help.

988 is the mental health crisis hotline for SAMHSA. You can call or text that number, or use 1-800-273-8255. They also have drug addiction support.

I could be totally wrong, but I'd rather be wrong about this than be wrong and not give you a resource that could help keep you here. I care about you!

[Beekept]

Do you have anyone you usually talk to about these feelings? Sometimes speaking my depressed thoughts out loud helps me identify which ones I can overcome or reshape. A therapist or support group is a great place to start.

[Igneousbonsai in reply to Beekept]

Thank you for the resources. I thi k that its hard to put things into words for me and I am not sure how to ask for help. And then when someone tells me just do what you just did here and said what you are saying to us, the words still end up not coming out and all I can think about is how everything is going to be just fine when sometimes its not. Safety wise, I am fine. Im still here and still trying to figure things out. I dont want to get crushed by the world anymore though and that makes things hard to figure out sometimes

[Beekept in reply to Igneousbonsai]

That absolutely is hard, I can understand your struggle with getting big feelings out and not minimizing my own struggle. You're trying, and our best is all we can do!