How to keep on trucking

[Dragoonlady]

Hey, just like many others am suffering from depression and just having a real hard time today. Not sure what am doing by posting this or if this helps. I just dont want to feel alpne for a day so i can keep pushing forward.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. You are not alone. This is a great place to connect with people who understand.

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

I hope so, I've been working with a therapist and just trying new things, or just reaching out when am really feeling bad. I just don't know how, and fighting the feeling of guilt of maybe am going to make someone day bad by mistake.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

It is great you are working with a therapist. Don't worry about making someone's day bad. You can say whatever you want to say here. We are all here to support each other. Please feel free to share.

[Dragoonlady]

Sorry in advance, just been everything I can with the time I can besides work, I've been going back the gym, seeing my therapist weekly, got some books to help process ptsd and over understanding how to handle emotions. Making time to sitnwithoutbmyself for 15 mins and do breathing exercises. Just seems like I should be able to do more, or I should feel like am making progress. Yet I feel more alone and worse. Like I need to do more there more learning I could be doing and am like stuck right now. I live in another state from my friends and I don't want to bother them cause they are going through rough patch and I should have the strength to help them also. Yet I can't and I feel just useless, cause if I can't be strong for people I love then what good am I. Once more sorry if am dumping or being too much. Cause that's not fair to anyone.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

It sounds like you are working really hard and doing everything right. How long have you been doing all of these things? How long have you been with your therapist? We do not need to be there for the people we love when we are suffering so much. We need to focus on being there for ourselves. You are definitely not being too much. It is great that you are here and are reaching out. We are here for you.

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

It's about 5 months this time tbh, before I was working 60 + hrs and just couldn't make the time. Now that have some time I jump head first into address my depression, i still feel like complete failure cause there should be some type of progress right? But idk it could be where am just in middle of feeling like garbage.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

Unfortunately it does take a long time. Do you like the therapist you are with? You are definitely not a failure. It is amazing all that you are doing. Do you have anxiety too or just depression?

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

Yes both, one kind of feeds into the other it's hard to put into words. When my anxiety starts it's like a twisted feeling in my stomach, then it goes into hey you are big failure for example like today. Then thoughts about how am.burden and so on and so on. Like merry go around one triggers the other and vice versa.

[Dragoonlady in reply to Dragoonlady]

I like my therapist alot and she been so helpful, just some of the stuff she wants me try feels wrong but I know it's not like working on self love but not easy at all

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

Yes I have both anxiety and depression as well. Do you try to talk back to those negative thoughts and say positive things to yourself? I hope you are giving yourself credit for all that you are doing to heal. Praise yourself for what you are doing right. Be kind to yourself. Try to offer yourself support.

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

I do, it doesn't feel right, I've been told it's process. Like I just drove a little bit listen to music to make my brain focus on driving. If I don't have a chance to do that I try to feel the emotion ask myself why is this coming up, then say this is just a moment, not forever. It helps sometimes most of the time I try to distract myself but I don't think that's helpful. I've also try to write things down. Just to see what feels right to do. Big thing am trying to avoid is medication. Last time I was on it I became zombie. So my therapist is working with me as last resort thing. Going to gym has helped a little, that's when anxiety doesn't get in the way or I don't have sensor overload.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

Are you giving yourself a certain amount of time to try without medication and if you aren't doing better by then, you will consider medication? I think it is great you are trying to do it without, but it just might be the one thing you are missing. You could go on a different medication not the same one that made you a zombie. I am glad that your therapist is working on this with you. That is so great that you are going to the gym and finding it to help a little.

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

We haven't talked about it much but I mean if everything isn't helping I'll try it. At this point am willing to do anything just not feel this way. I think reaching out might help. I have a really really bad habit of self isolation, doesn't help that I live very rural area so it easy to just cut the world off and just brew in bad.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

I am glad that you are giving reaching out here a try. It has made a huge difference for me.

[Dragoonlady in reply to gajh]

Maybe reaching out is the missing thing I need, it's gotta be better then sitting alone with my thoughts. Never to great at being social in general. I just always scared I will over share or be rude without knowing I am, or a burden on others. Like I try once to go to DnD thing for beginners and bounced cause I just felt like was really out of place.

[gajh in reply to Dragoonlady]

That is the great thing about here. We are definitely not out of place here. We are accepted just the way we are.

[mcarrut1 in reply to gajh]

Giving credit is so important

[Dragoonlady]

Sorry for any misspellings am not the best when am hurting like this with communication

[brendonkellyrox]

you are not alone im right here with ya and im sure a lot of us are we are here for ya

[Dragoonlady in reply to brendonkellyrox]

Honestly having the knowledge am not really alone helps. Just sucks when it hits. Cause it hits like a truck

[brendonkellyrox]

i know just stay strong

[Nothing_but_books]

Hi Dragoonlady! Welcome to our friendly group.

I've felt that way too, not sure what I'm up to by posting, or if will help.

With so many members here I've found lots of connections to help. I hope you will too. Take your time and get to know people. We pretty much all need encouragement.

[Dragoonlady]

I hope so, just having someone that can relate to the struggle can help and I hope to maybe find some people to play games with also.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Dragoonlady]

This is our little clubhouse, we get it, oh ya, we get it. Sometimes I wish I didn't. A week off would be lovely.

I think I read you're a gamer. Yes, I think some other members are too.

[Dragoonlady in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Yeah, I would like find others to play a game or tow like once a week just know it's hard with work and life in general