question

[Tenl]

has anyone been consumed with a love one because you want them to feel the same way. But you end up pushing them away. What are some coping skills to get through this you want to control but can’t. Your mind can’t stop thinking about them and your body is stressed and tired fighting a battle with what you can’t have.

[Hidden]

The first step is accepting you cannot control everything in life and you cannot force anybody to feel certain ways. You have a good intention in trying to make sure it is all going well, but it produces the undesired result. Anything forced creates an equal and opposite effect. The more you force it, the more likely the opposite will happen (Not just in physics - the laws of nature apply to more than one aspect.)

Everyone loves you in a different way. You will love them a certain way but you cannot expect them to be exactly the same. There is beauty in difference and finding a balance between how two people behave and think is the point of a relationship. If someone is forced to do something their actions or words will be fake. You want real love.

I made this mistake in my previous relationships. The worse thing is knowing they are becoming distant and so you try even more to control everything. But it is that very action which is the reason for losing them.

My current relationship is a lot healthier and happier. I do not push, control or force anything. I cannot stop thinking about her but I allow her to have space because she is her own individual person too. At the same time, I must focus on my own journey to continue being the man she loves and improve myself. The result of this is more appreciation for each other. Our presence has value because it is not always available. I make sure I do my part and I trust that she will play her part too. I let go of the fear of losing them and with that I ignore the thoughts of 'what if.'

It is helpful to practice living with uncertainty. Uncertainty on whether they still like you. Doubts on why they aren't messaging you right now. Uncertainty on whether you have done wrong. Do not find the answer in your mind because that has no effect on reality. It is also important to communicate what you like and dislike but respect your partner's interests at the same time. We must remind ourselves that it is not all about you because a relationship is a bond between two people, not the control over one person.