Wanting to disappear.

[MiamiJacket84]

Anyone ever just start getting bitter and hating people in general? I feel like I've reached a point where I don't even want to bother with anyone anymore. Everyone is either not worth my time or I'm not worth their time or if we actually do hit it off, it eventually goes nowhere and one of us loses interest. Or the the worst repeated scenario I've had is people just abandoning me. I genuinely just want to cease to exist. I won't bother anyone and no one will bother me. Easy.

[Sunrisetabby]

For a long time I haven't really liked people, and I have slowly come to the realization that it may be largely because I don't like myself. I am extremely self critical and way too harsh in my own self judgment. Why do you feel that you aren't worth some people's time? Why do feel that some people aren't with your time? It seems like you made need some tome to focus on yourself and your own self-worth - you are worth it! That being said, having a cuddle buddy for the hits of serotonin and other mood boosting benefits is definitely worthwhile. Sadly, even my cat doesn't like me all that much, but once in awhile she is a supportive gem. You'll notice many people on this site also have dogs in addition to cats. I actually may like my chickens the best, but I haven't succeeded yet in potty training, so they sleep outside in their coop.

[Hidden]

Hey,

Sometimes you can only rely on yourself. I had a point when I hit a deep decline and because of that, I viewed myself and the world in a pessimistic way. However, I realise now that the energy I displayed at the time, pushed people away. My perspective was hindered by the internal conflict in my mind and I saw only negatives.

It is not good to be alone for a long period of time and so I had to first build myself back up, in order to gain respect for myself and also self-esteem. Only that way could I then respect other people and the environment around me. I tend not to focus on the entire world anymore as sources of information feed you negatives constantly. Instead, I focus on my impact, myself and the people in my close circle. That way, it isn't too much to take in and there is quality over quantity in keeping those who are reliable and those who do care about you, close by.

External factors will come to test you. Meditation has helped me in a way that I now can accept ignore the thoughts in my mind, meaning external factors that have less of an influence over me compared to my thoughts, do not have much of an impact anymore.

So what I would recommend is to allow this time to focus on yourself and chase self-improvement according to your interests. It worked for me so I want to share it with you. I hope this helps.

[LoveforAll41]

I agree with the other replies. It seems it would be so much easier to just be a hermit and live in the woods by myself for the rest of my days. We are social creatures though and it is generally not good to be alone.

I don't know about loving myself, but I value myself and I have a lot of compassion for myself. When I look back and see how I was raised I understand a lot of my feelings and where many of my insecurites and stuff comes from. It makes it easier to accept and see that it makes sense to have the feelings that I have. Then when I am at peace with myself I can be at peace with others. It sounds like abandonment and bad relationships might have played a big part in your life Miami, so it would make sense that you value good relationships and perhaps have many mixed emotions with them. I imagine you would take the past experience and work to protect yourself in the future. I wish you peace, hope, and strength. ☮️