Just need to talk a minute, might be hard to read

[KR2022]

Hi all,

Long story short - I'm facing my soon-to-be-ex-husband in court tomorrow and I'm terrified. He was charged with rape, attempted murder, strangulation and domestic abuse. the thing is I have brain damage from a couple of years ago and get confused easily, he's charming and a good actor whereas I'm socially awkward and blunt. I'm terrified he'll be let off and if he does he's coming after me. I spent 7 years being afraid of the man I loved, believed all his lies because he made me believe I was worthless and couldn't do better than him. He was wrong, I'm now 6 months pregnant with my partners' child and if ex finds out he'll kill not just me (and my child as a result) but go after my partner too.

I know it sounds dramatic, but my mind keeps going in circles, I've been struggling to sleep and having constant panic attacks as a result of the stress. I've been trying to convince myself it'll be OK but even the police are aware of the danger he poses and reminded me if he gets off they have no power to protect me or my unborn son.

I've never been to court before, especially as the victim/survivor, and I'm scared because I don't know what to expect.

[kenster1]

Hi will you have victim support going along with you or even a friend or family member for support.

[KR2022 in reply to kenster1]

I have absolutely no one unfortunately, I'm going through this alone although both my mother and my partner want to be there but I'm afraid for their safety if ex sees them there

An ISVA will be with me but not allowed into the room with me, and I don't know her as my normal one is off with COVID, poor love

[kenster1 in reply to KR2022]

maybe just go with your mum sounds like the best option.

[KR2022 in reply to kenster1]

mother lives too far away (in Scotland and I'm in South Wales) and so can't be there x

[Hidden]

This is a difficult situation. Keep in mind, however, that if he is facing these various charges, there must be evidence and witnesses and other information his charming presence would not be sufficient to overcome a good prosecutor.

I hope that you have a good lawyer as well. in addition, there may be a shelter for battered women and children somewhere nearby. I don’t know what an ISVA is, but I hope that there is community support for battered women.

Also, do not be overly concerned about your anxiety or difficulty communicating. It is the job of your lawyer to allow you to present your side of things in a way that will be effective and meaningful. Actually, sometimes a person’s emotional and social difficulties in court tend to strengthen their case.

[KR2022 in reply to Hidden]

an ISVA is a Independant Sexual Violence Advocate, my one is amazing but I've never met the one due to meet me tomorrow in court so I'm nervous about that too lol.

Thank you for your comments, tbh it's helped put things into perspective x

[roses4all]

see if you can testify by video chat. Your ex won't see you pregnant or know where you are. May be possible even if you are in another room in the courthouse. Be strong. With any luck, he will say something stupid and everyone will see him for who he is. Congrats on getting away from him. I was actually where you are 30 years ago. I moved to somewhere where he didn't speak the language. You are going to have a family life. He is going to continue screwing his life up. If he doesn't go to jail now, he will sooner or later. (I know that doesn't help you now but his life will move away from yours in decades.)

[KR2022 in reply to roses4all]

Thank you <3

[NorwegianWood]

That's a tough journey. However, the court system has seen many sweet-talking criminals and will be able to see through the facade. Your lawyer will lead you through the process and help to bring about justice. We'll be with you in spirit and hope that truth shines through.

[BBiscuit]

firstly congratulations to you and your partner. I’m so sorry this has happened to you please as hard as it may be try and keep calm for the sake of you and baby.

I have every bit of faith that he will get what’s deserving to him and he will serve his sentence in prison.

Good luck today I’ll be thinking of you and I hope you get the outcome you deserve! X

[CLB1125]

As the others have said your lawyer will guide you. If you’re getting overwhelmed I believe your lawyer can ask for you to have a break especially since you’re pregnant. Congratulations by the way. Everyone understands you’re nervous. Just try to focus on your lawyer. Good luck

[Teaching]

This sounds so scary but God got your back. Do your best to defend yourself and prayers for you 🙏

[catsrock]

Oh no, this sounds so hard. Sending you lots of hugs and support across the miles.

[Midori]

Do the police know he is violent? If not, please tell them and let them know why and what your fears are.

I had one like that, I left with my kids when he started on them. Got an injunction and started Divorce proceedings.

Good luck with your case.

Cheers, Midori

[jackiesj]

How did it go...having a friend with you helps. i do understand.They make themselves look sound like the best in the world but behind closed doors. you are strong...he hasnt destroyed you even with grt effort. you will live a good life in peace. God bless

[KR2022]

it was exhausting both mentally and emotionally but now it's just a case of awaiting the verdict and praying for a conviction. I hated the way they made out I was making it all up for attention ect but at least now the truth is out... fingers crossed x

[CLB1125 in reply to KR2022]

How are you doing? What was the verdict. Guilty I hope. How is your baby doing?

[KR2022 in reply to CLB1125]

Unfortunately it was Not Guilty and I had to flee for my life, literally.

My son is healthy and happy, bless his little heart - thank you for asking <3

[Agora1 in reply to KR2022]

I am so so truly sorry. xx

[CLB1125]

our justice system sucks sometimes. IM glad you’re both doing good