hurts

[Need2beMeAgain23]

my anxiety and depression have been bad last 3 days all I been doing is sleeping and not wanting to do nothing. Since I decided leave the toxic relationship I was in but I thought I would be better off with my decision he threw in my face because I had access to the camera he sent me a notification with another woman coming and staying the night with of course it hurt because he proved to me he never cared or loved for those 3yrs. Since then I been extremely depressed to where I started again on drugs using to feel me numb but I need find a way to get out of this pain because I am wasting my time while he enjoying his time this why I have stopped writing on here for while I don’t have a therapist or anything like that. I haven’t found anything of group meeting in person I been trying to find something positive to lift me up because he went telling everybody on his family side in thief and went to my sister and my oldest son and same the thing just I saw a pic of him and coworker that was part of my decision because he had other messages and pic with other women when confronted he made excuses and got upset I went thru his phone but he always tried say it was my insecurities and jealousy which I know it wasn’t .

[Michael8072]

Hi

It’s never easy leaving a relationship. It’ll take time to heal. Sounds like you did the right thing. I hope writing this post and getting things out and not keeping things in will help you along the way. Try to find things that bring you joy.

[Need2beMeAgain23 in reply to Michael8072]

I appreciate that and yes I am trying find way to let it out on here because last couples day I been holding all inside all been doing is crying and questioning myself that I wasted 3yrs thinking then I get angry because he played with me making think it was different. But September he changed and that’s where everything started my anxiety and depression he was the one and I tried couple of times to leave but he always found ways to convince me it wasn’t like that and I feel for it because for once I gave love and trust to him which I never did before. yes I am trying to find some happiness and try be around family but I feel so distant at time I’m pushing myself hopefully tomorrow better day because today I just slept and tried not think bout

[Michael8072 in reply to Need2beMeAgain23]

Sending you a hug and good thoughts. Find ways to be kind to yourself through this. Breakups are definitely hard and always make you look back and think of things differently forgive yourself and don’t be angry with yourself. Life is all about experience and then learning and growing from it. Be around your family when you can and at the times you can’t be kind to yourself. I’ve learned that crying is a really good thing and I don’t hold back anymore.

Quick short version to a story. I’ve like this women for well over a year. Last year in January we started hanging out having long walk and talks. First time in a very long time I let someone in and was very comfortable with her ( which for me never happens) then one day she tells me she’s getting back together with her ex to try and make things work and breaks off contact with me. I respected her wishes and never reached out again. Ten months later they broke up and we started talking and hanging out again. My feelings for her never left and enjoyed hanging out with her again. Forward to January and one weekend she tells me she has a date with someone and my heart sank. And has been sinking ever since.

I guess I share this story cause of you mentioning about wasting 3 years and being angry at yourself. I know 1 and 3 years is a difference but I was angry at myself as well. But I don’t think we should be angry with ourselves over it. We opened ourselves up and that’s a good thing. It doesn’t always work out the way we hoped it would. I hope what I wrote was okay and makes sense.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you as well!!

[Need2beMeAgain23 in reply to Michael8072]

I totally understand and I appreciate you sharing your experience that where I need find ways because I am angry how I let my walls down and got hurt and as for your experience i totally understand we give them chances because our hearts and mind don’t get over it quickly especially when there some connection when it started! But I been staying at a friends house since I left toxic relationships but now I have to face the problem head on because I am moving back to my old house which is 9 blocks from him we left and bad term I have been told from family n friends he has threatened my life I will put a restraining order on him when I go back to my place but for me is knowing we live so close I have find ways not let my anxiety n depression get worse I want to move on but I don’t want dwell on what’s not there anymore I need show myself for most I can do it again! I was going to church prayer but I stopped 3days ago but I need get to back into life! I don’t want depend on medication to keep me calm down I don’t want him to win over me!

[Michael8072 in reply to Need2beMeAgain23]

Big hugs that’s def a lot to carry. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things. I hope going home goes smoothly. Sending you good vibes and caring thoughts through your journey 🙏

[Need2beMeAgain23 in reply to Michael8072]

Thank you and same to you we both deserve the right person to come into our lives and find ways to be good to ourselves especially when it get hard yes I have lot going on I hope it does work out for me 🙏🙏