Anxiety

I suffer from social anxiety. During this time of the year it's really bad. I am unable to attend large gatherings. I want to learn ways to manage this and be social with friends and colleagues . Please help.

[davidthecoder]

Hi there,

Just wanted to say that I have a similar challenge I am facing. Winter time is hard for this reason, with Thanksgiving and Christmas...

What are your fears/concerns regarding large gatherings? For me personally, it is around being judged negatively, since I am more anxious than others. But also getting sick because I take care of my elderly father.

I am still working on overcoming this and working with a therapist to develop a strategy.

[Kinlay]

I find that choosing just a few things to attend and letting go of the rest helps. I used to come up with complicated explanations, but I've found that "Thank you so much for the invitation but unfortunately I can't make it" is enough and takes more pressure off of me. Most people don't really care why you can't come! Then, for the few I think are important, I keep telling myself the many reasons why going is better than not going. For me, once I get there I'm usually okay, but I also always have and out (I use my dogs) so I can leave early if it gets to be too much. Good luck!

[brendahol in reply to Kinlay]

This has to be one of the best responses ever. You are so right, we feel we have to conjure up complicated excuses, when really an “I can’t make it” is more than enough. Also I love your excuse about the dogs, I’m going to have to get a dog!!!

[Hollick]

The only way I was able to eradicate SA from my life, was to face it head on...easier said than done, but honestly, if you can muster up the strength and get out there, you'll reap the benefits...start slowly and work your way up daily, look up exposure therapy...

[punkster]

I don't have social anxiety, but large crowds make me nervous since Covid. Yesterday I was invited to attend a holiday luncheon with a large crowd. I wasn't going to go but a few people that I work with begged me to go. I went and sat with the people I know, and our table was near the door. It might help you if you attend events with large crowds with people you know and then stay with them during the event.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi dlindsey, I am sorry that you have struggled with this. Does this possibly show something wonderful about you? That you value people and their feelings or opinions?

This may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I used to tell myself when asking someone on a date that even if they said no and thought I was a creep some part of them would be flattered and boosted by having been asked. Perhaps when we go to something social, even if we are dripping sweat (like I tend to do) or pass out, we are giving them something to talk about 😁. Just a random thought. If I pass out at a big gathering at least I will give people a memory hehe.

That thought aside I think that exposure therapy is where it is at, no matter what you have to do to get through the first steps. One of my therapists recommended "The Subtle Art of not Giving a F***" that is about how everyone is self-involved. They are not worried about you or noticing you. Sorry if this is not helpful at all, but I wish you peace, hope, and strength.