social anxiety help

[Ace200]

Hi, hope you are all well. I’ve been silently suffering from social anxiety disorder for many years and still there’s been no change. I thought I would come on here and see if anyone has any tips to overcome this social anxiety feeling it would be appreciated. I guess I’ve gotten used to feeling this way about everything that happens letting my thoughts affect every social situation before, during and after social situations. My mind is actively on 24/7 and i do not know how to deal with this. It’s so awful I can’t even make a phone call to anyone due to the constant fear and worry due to the uncertainty and not being able to prepare beforehand what I will say. This has been a really bothersome and tedious task for me recently!! What bothers me is I’m only in my early 20’s I should be able to go out and do things I enjoy without worrying but this is not possible as I’d just feel all eyes are on me the constant eye contact and trying to hold down a conversation just isn’t easy and I know people say that people are worrying about themselves and not looking at me or thinking bad about me but in the back of my mind I still believe I am being judged.

sorry for the long message. I would appreciate any support, tips and exercises that may be useful in my situation.

Kind regards

Ace200

[Agora1]

Hi Ace200....I understand completely as I've been there myself. I was brought up to be

that perfect little girl who sat quietly and really didn't talk. As I got into school, I would

feel my heart beat fast, if I was called on to answer a question. I was always a good student

but was stressed out from my shyness. High School?? That was a nightmare..My grades

were good but my social life was non existent. I don't think anyone knew me. Almost as

if I was invisible.

Then....10 years later at my High School Reunion, I walked into the reception and once

again, no one recognized me. Why?? Because a self confident and out going woman

walked in and started talking with the same group of students who didn't know I existed.

They were still sitting together in their click. They didn't really grow emotionally as I

had in working on myself after I graduated.

Ace, it can be done. Let me suggest that you watch a video from YouTube..

"How To Overcome Shyness & Social Anxiety" by Project Life Mastery

It's well explained in how and what you can do to overcome this fear.

It is a learned behavior that can be changed. The results can be amazing as it was

for me. Welcome new friend. Time to break out of this social bubble and start

to live life and not just exist. xx

[Ace200 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m glad that you are on a positive healing journey and that you are now much more confident than you were 10 years ago. You go girl!! What’s the secret to this success? I’ve watched the video this morning and it’s a interesting take on anxiety and that it’s important to come out of the comfort zone in order to face the fear but I don’t know where to start with this. I know small steps is key but it’s not a easy process. I completely relate to the fact that I was labeled as the quiet girl my whole life and it just stuck with me but just got worse each time. I would love to live life and not just exist but I guess small steps is the way to go. Hope your healing continues to go well friend!!

[Agora1 in reply to Ace200]

Hi Ace, my healing journey started with a job I almost turned down because of my

shyness. Registrar/Receptionist for a large teaching facility. There I was in the center

of the hall at a registration desk. Business men and women would come to me first

for directions in where there seminar was taking place. I told my boss that first day

that there wasn't a way I could handle this because of my shyness. He believed in me

and said he would make it possible by my attending one of the seminars for Salesmen.

What I learned was that confidence comes from within. When you are trying to sell

something (and that is yourself socially) remember that people do not know who you

are. Take a breath before walking into a room of strangers and then put on this

confident smile and role play your part.

It really didn't take long until I started believing Ace200 that I was this person. It felt

good, I built a self esteem within myself. All the put downs and self doubts slowly

started to fade away. Small steps led to larger ones, eventually I looked forward to the

400 plus people I would meet per week. A constant flow made it possible for me to

meet the requirements of an outgoing, personable worker. Whatever it may be to

break this social wall down is different for each one of us. But, once it works, the

fear of social interaction can move swiftly as you feed off the confidence given.

This first step became the journey to a better me. xx

[worthytobeloved]

Hi. I so sympathise as a fellow sufferer. Hopefully you will get lots of helpful advice and tips from others on this site. Yesterday someone shared advice which I'm very hopeful of, and I add the screenshot of it here. Best of luck!

Man

[Ace200 in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you for your response. I have not heard of the tapping solution before and I watched a few videos of a person guiding through the tapping and I’m not sure yet if it’s useful but I did feel a lot calmer in that particular moment but will continue to practice and fingers crossed it works for me!!

[worthytobeloved in reply to Ace200]

Good luck! I must practise too (I find all these coping strategies, but never get round to doing them)!

[Ace200 in reply to worthytobeloved]

Please share any strategies that you find that you consider to be effective! Good luck!! fingers crossed we can find successful strategies.

[worthytobeloved in reply to Ace200]

Hi again! Your doctor wasn't very helpful in what he prescribed, by the sound of it. I was once prescribed a tranquilliser called valium, but it just doped me up, so I don't think that's the answer. It might be worth trying some of the Bach remedies, especially Rescue Remedy. They don't work for everyone, but it's worth a try. If you look up the Bach website you should find remedies especially for anxiety. I use Larch for 'confidence'.I was recently in touch with someone else here who was very self-conscious, and encouraged him to do things he was anxious about more often, in the hope he would gain more confidence (but I'm afraid I don't do that myself)!

I have downloaded two apps that help me. One is called Gratitude, and gives an inspirational message every day. (I often post quotes from it as 'thought for the day').

The other is an app called Soulspace, which is a comforting and inspiring app, but with a religious context (specifically Christian, because it quotes from the bible). What I love about it is that the woman talking has such a lovely voice, and I always feel so much better after hearing it. Best of luck!

[Ace200 in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you for your response. I have tried Bach rescue remedies but it was useless for me

[Catt02]

Yeah that's pretty rough, especially with dating. It ruined it for me. I'm left with a lot of regrets, even after over 50 yrs. You're still young, maybe can get some professional help. I've gotten a bit better but it just seemed to be a huge, long effort and falling on my face many times. My self-esteem was lousy which showed up as if it was written across my forehead!

[Ace200 in reply to Catt02]

thank you for your reply! I have been to the doctors who have said I’ve got social anxiety I was given propranolol however this just did not help me at all as it just slows the heart rate down which didn’t help in my case. I was also suggested to find anxiety chats online to have someone to talk to when in times of need. I regret all my choices now seeing people be happy and enjoy their life I just sometimes wonder what it would be like to step into their shoes and experience life from their Perspective. I’m glad to hear you are doing better I hope your journey to healing continues to go well.

[designguy]

Hello Ace, I suffered from social anxiety for years and healed. My suggestion is that you find a therapist near you that specializes in treating social anxiety, they will typically incorporate group and exposure therapy into the process as well as teaching you new ways to think. SA distorts our perceptions of how we perceive others and how others perceive us. In my recovery I was astounded one day to realize that people actually liked and enjoyed me and valued my company, I had spent years thinking just the opposite.

I also found medication helpful during my recovery. It also helps to understand how and why you developed SA, I grew up in an emotionally repressive abusive household and was bullied as a child which led to my SA. Consequently I had shame, repressed anger and rage that I needed to get in touch with and process in order to heal.

If there isn't a specialist therapist available to you, you might look at some online programs. One that looks good to me is by Sebastiaan at social-anxiety-solutions.com he has a website and youtube videos and a affordable program. He incorporates EFT into the therapy which I have done some of but I have done EMDR which is similar and it was very helpful.

[Ace200 in reply to designguy]

Thank you for your response designguy . I’m proud that you were able to break out of the cycle that is social anxiety. Wish you the best on your healing journey. I cannot afford therapy just yet as life can be quite expensive but once I can I will give it a go and fingers crossed all goes well. My anxiety stems from childhood I was in a house full of arguments all the time. I feel like I was forced to deal with my emotions myself and suppressed them. I think those emotions kept bubbling over the years and I’ve gotten used to being there for myself instead. From this I discovered I know hate confrontation and people shouting at me and I realized I prefer my own company but it’s dealing with the past and trying to move forward.

Kind regards

[designguy in reply to Ace200]

You're welcome, it sounds like your background was similar to mine. I grew up in an emotionally repressive and abusive household and was shamed and punished for showing any signs of normal anger or trying to stand up for myself and be proud of myself, so I too ended up stuffing and denying my emotions and the shame, anger and rage I felt and it was contributing to my anxiety.

One of the big things that helped me was learning about trauma/c-ptsd and realizing that I was suffering from it from my crappy childhood and bullying in school. I've since read that the majority of people with SA have experienced some form of trauma/c-ptsd that led to their social anxiety. I found the book "Complex-PTSD, from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker to be very helpful and there is a lot of info on youtube about it. I ended up finding a therapist that specialized in treating trauma/c-ptsd and working with him, he used emdr as part of the therapy which was very beneficial for allowing me to get in touch with my repressed emotions, process and heal them and to minimize my being triggered from them in the future and there is a lot of good info on youtube about it. I've found youtube to be very helpful and it's free.

Best to you on your healing.

[Davide21]

HiI've had social anxiety disorders

Since my teens

I've not been out socially since 2003

All I do is go local shop and perhaps charity shop

I've avoided birthdays

Weddings. And 2001 my workmate

Offered me two weeks in Spain

Free of charge

I even avoided going because of over thinking 🤔

What might happen

I might get on wrong plane

All in all it's ruined my adult life

Avoided relationships

Scared of intimacy with females

Due to anxiety disorders and intrusive thoughts

Plus I have autism

Diagnosed at 50

ALL I can tell you is get plenty of help

From family and mental health services

You sound strong

Don't let DRS tell you you're young

It will pass and you will get through it

Don't allow it to happen

Dr when I was your age

Told me everything will be fine

Your young man

Well I'm now middle aged and still

Struggling

So get sorted out soon

Sending hugs

[jackiesj]

Hi There.. ok what if all eyes are on you..maybe they appreciate what they see...you dont have to hold a conversation....talk later? and then take care of yourself. I know the 24/7 and even getting out the door is biggy some days. You are of worth just as you are. it would be terrible never to meet you. hi!

[Ace200 in reply to jackiesj]

thank you!