Perception

[97Bunny11]

Sometimes, I have this strong desire to show the people in my life that I’m not the same girl I used to be. I’m not some ditzy naive little girl who thinks that everyone is nice, and who doesn’t think about life or death on a philosophical level (or concrete level). I want to show them that my mind has evolved. That I’m more self-aware than they probably think.

Sometimes too self-aware. So self-aware, that I know that when I say “people,” I really mean my parents. I understand that parents will always see their children as their babies. But sometimes, I get irritated when they speak to me like I still don’t know anything at the age that I’m at. This has made me act defensive towards other people who tell me things I already know, even if they’re just being innocent with it and they genuinely wouldn’t know that I already knew said things, and I immediately say “Yeah, I already know how to do that, John. You don’t have to explain it.” I know that it comes off as rude, and I’m not proud of it. So I’m learning to hold my tongue and let people explain things I know, even though it irritates me like hell. I hate being seen as an unknowing child at freaking 26 years old. I guess it was my fault ‘cause as a child (I don’t even know if I should say it was my fault, ‘cause I was literally a child and born this way) I comprehended things slower than my peers, which I guess gave me that childish image which lasted longer than my peers. But I know I’m not like that anymore. But I don’t think the people in my life think that way.

This is such an unserious topic. But I’m frustrated. Thank you for letting me vent. Take care everyone.

P.S. I am also aware that I think I put too much of my worth on how my parents (and other people) see me. I still live with my dad, and I’m happy and blessed to be able to live with him so I can focus more on my passions and business without stress. But I’m working to move out one day. For both my dad and my sake. Dad can go and live his life, and I can go and live mine. Plus, maybe when I’m finally on my own, I can truly find myself and be able to cut the threads that have been connecting my worth to my parents and other people.

[PrinceMom]

Hi. I hope I can help you with my personal experience. Yes, I think we ALL put too much of our worth in what our parents think or say...I felt that way at 26 and I still feel that way at 61. (But in a different way.) It just means that we love our parents and that it's hard to let go of "not pleasing them". But you have to. I learned (later than age 26) - and the sooner you let go (gently) of that, the better off you'll be.

That being said, as the parent of a 25- and 26- year old, I can honestly say that all I want is that they are good people and that they are happy. Period. Anything past that is over the line for parents. Remember, if they say something which you think might be "telling them what to do" - it's really them saying, "I wish I had had someone tell me these things when I was young to help me out." It's not against you. They are FOR you 100%. Some parents just don't know how to express those feelings. It took me a year - reading 3 different books - to know how to talk to / have a good relationship with / my mid-20's children. It made all the difference in the world.

Just remember that everything your parents say is out of true love for you. And that will get you through some of it. Wish you the best.

[Thankfulforhelp22]

I have experienced that same thing regarding other people’s perception of me which may have been justified at one time but not now. You can’t control how they see you. Just keep growing and being what you want to be. Probably hard for parents to see and accept change in their child.

[mizzou7016]

it can actually be a very serious topic. I've fallen in to that abyss quite a bit over the last 26 years.....hardest lesson I had to learn(and am still working on) is to come to the realization that it doesn't matter what I say or do.....people are going to think what they want to do or what their perception of me is...I can't control that.....what I can control is 1) how I react to it....2) what I present to other people so they can form their perception......the only person you really have to prove anything is to yourself.....the people that truly matter will invest their time in getting to know you and what you are about....the people that don't care will tend to make stuff up and put their perception of you out there for someone else.....the old saying.....don't let someone else have the pen when you're creating your memoir......

[97Bunny11 in reply to mizzou7016]

Ooo, I love that last quote. I’ll definitely remember that. Including everything else you’ve said. Thank you, you give great advice. Since it seems like we’re on similar boats right now, I hope you continue to grow on your journey. Thank you again for your words ❤️

[mizzou7016 in reply to 97Bunny11]

the trick for all of us in anything....is to continue to use the tools after we've added them to the toolbox.....unfortunately there are too many times for me that I've "buried" some of the tools in the bottom of the toolbox....and have totally forgotten about them until I hit rock bottom.....just remember that some of the tools need to be used more than once.....and remember also that the acquisition of the tools doesn't happen immediately....that sometimes you have to use the tool more than once to understand it

[Midori]

You won't get out from under the parental thumb until you leave home, unfortunately; some families smother their children, thinking they are protecting them, even when they are adults who should be given their freedom, and I have seen it most among American families, even so far as interfering in weddings, namings, etc.

Will you be going to College, or are you working? These can help, as can the distance these put between you and the parents.

cheers, Midori