Social Anxiety

[Mango608]

Anyone have good advice to get over social anxiety. Mine is so bad avoiding life, stay at home, always in own head when around others. Can’t relate and always think people are judging me but the probably don’t even care. I am always worried what others think of me and it drives me crazy. Advice anyone?

[bonkers65]

I do the same thing. I fake it the best I can when I'm around people I don't know REAL GOOD. People pleaser. Fear of rejection. Shy. Been like this all my life and I'm 70 yrs. old. Been to therapy off and on my whole life. Read some books and researched it on the internet. All I can tell you is do the best you can.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Really the only thing is to get over social anxiety is to face it. You have to put yourself out there. You can read books like Dare by Barry McDonagh or Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. But in the end it comes down to exposing yourself to the outside world. Don't get me wrong they are helpful in understanding anxiety. But to help get over it is actually facing it. Avoiding it just makes the anxiety stronger.

Therapy also can help. At least in figuring out why you are afraid of what others may think of you. Are you a people please? Is it because you're afraid of confrontation? Why are you afraid of confrontation? Those kinds of questions can help get to your root of your anxiety.

For me I was verbally abused as a child. So I have c-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) I became a perfectionist. I did my utmost best to please everyone. When I failed, I took it personally. I took that as I'm a failure. I worried about being seen as a freak because I didn't like what most kids liked and I cried easily. I was bullied in school and at home. Where my anxiety just increased. Eventually I started to just skipped school. To eventually it came to ahead in the 8th grade were I couldn't handle the pressure and I guess had a breakdown. I was pulled from school and did homeschooling. Unfortunately for me I was born a little late as of now there are programs I could have joined like K-12 which teaches strictly online. That would have helped me a lot but such is life. I was an agoraphobic for years. Until I started therapy and was forced out of house to do this cause there was no online visits. Eventually slowly I started to go with my mom to work and get out of the house.

I still have issues with social anxiety. But Im learning that whatever people feel about me, it's not my problem. That's their problem. Because I know I'm polite, well mannered and honest. If people got a problem with me but don't say it to me. Again, that's on them.

[gerrerd]

Self hypnosis, potentials unlimited online.

[Jeff1943]

As Napolean said: "All great battles are won the night before!" In your case that means preparing in advance some interesting things to say if a social occasion is coming up. Also a little disguised flattery always goes down well.

[designguy]

I had social anxiety for years as a result of growing up in an emotionally abusive household and then being bullied in school. It is definitely possible to heal social anxiety and get on with your life.

SA results because we believe things about ourselves that aren't true and our perceptions of people and how they perceive us is flawed. We may have a few incidents, comments in our past that we took as truth and then assumed was true of how everyone perceived us. I went years thinking that people didn't like me and was dumb-founded when I realized that just the opposite was true, that people really liked me and enjoyed my company.

My suggestion is to find a therapist that specifically treats SA and work with them. They will teach you new accurate ways of perceiving yourself and others and may use group and exposure therapy as part of the therapy. We think that most people are critical and judging us when in reality they are just caught up in their own thoughts and life to pay little or no attention to us. There wasn't anyone near me so I did an online course from the social anxiety institute.org although I would have preferred an inperson program. There is also a lot of good info on youtube available about it and you may find medication helpful at least temporarily. You might check out Sebastiaan at Social Anxiety Solutions.com he has good info and youtubes and his program makes a lot of sense.

You may also be dealing with low-self-worth and even perfectionism as a result of your social anxiety and there is again a lot of good info on youtube about it and how to heal it. You might check out Emma at Therapy in a Nutshell and Julia Kristina.

Most of us were never taught how to love and accept ourselves unconditionally so we have to learn how and cultivate it within ourselves thankfully there is a lot of good info and resources available for how to do it.

[Agora1]

Hi Mango608, I was once like you the only thing was that there wasn't a name

attached to it at that time. I was considered shy. I know now that it goes back

to my early childhood days. I was brought up to be polite, quiet and just be a

good little girl. My mother was proud of that but I saw how it destroyed my

confidence as to who I was. It wasn't until I started working did I find that I

did have something to say to people. I realized that I could be this outgoing person

who people gravitated towards because I did have something to say. I began to

interact with others and found the more I did, the more self esteem I had.

It' s become easy now to interact with people. So much so that I sometijmes

wonder if I wear a sign on my forehead that says "I Care"... lol xx

[plaganon5]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been the same way most of my life and mostly faked my way through a lot of social situations. I hope one day people like us can learn to be a bit less shy and less judgemental of ourselves.