Fear of vulnerability as well as intimacy.

[MiamiJacket84]

I've always had a fear of vulnerability, nothing new there really. Being completely open with someone in front of me outside of a professional setting has been extremely difficult for me for as long as I could remember. I just never liked bringing people down because in most cases, I knew there was nothing they can do to help me.

Now on top of that, most likely because of repeated rejections as well as the desire to not burden people I mentioned, I now have a fear of intimacy. Despite seeking relationships for so long, it seems that now I have accepted that I'm never getting into one. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore, I don't want to waste all that effort for absolutely nothing. I don't want to bring people down with me, most people deserve way better, at the very least someone who isn't as unstable and suicidal as me.

Ideally I don't want to exist to begin with, but I don't have much of a choice for now.

[Starrlight]

❤️

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Miami, I am so sorry that you have those difficult feelings. I hope that you are getting help through therapy and any other measures that you can. I know that when I was dating and looking for love I liked to share my mental health struggles very early on in the relationship, on the second or third, date. I felt like someone wouldn't really know me without knowing what a struggle I was having at the time. That being said, I was in therapy and had friends that knew what was going on. They did try to get me to do things and I felt like a drag, but they would do them without me as well and keep on inviting me to do things too. I think it was important that I wasn't their only friend.

I think that it is good to get support from groups like this, or even better an in-person group where people already know you are struggling. I wouldn't recommend looking for a relationship in these groups, but I suppose it could happen. I think it is very important that you can share your true feelings with people and therapy and groups are a great place to start. When you do share with others I like to make them know that I don't need them to do anything, just listen and validate my emotions. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[HipHopHead]

I can very much relate to these feelings. I’m 32 and in my first romantic relationship. I have a strong desire for intimacy but at the same time, a major fear of it. I recently learned this is considered “disorganized” or “fearful avoidant” attachment style. It is the result of having a caregiver who provided support but also harmed you or caused fear, which leads to a fear of closeness. I haven’t figured out how to overcome it yet but having a name and an explanation has been helpful. I’m working on recognizing my behaviors related to this and trying to stop the negative self talk. I hope you’re able to overcome this.