How to overcome inability to be vulnerable?

[ktm250]

I have been an extremely ambitious person, especially throughout grade school. Now however, after a number of years trying to start a business of my own, and traveling to start over somewhere new, I find myself doubting every little decision that I make.

I think that the one thing that kept me going through middle-school and high-school, was the fear that I would disappoint my parents. It seemed like no matter what I would do and no matter how good my grades were, nothing was ever enough.

I made it to college, and the first few years went okay, but I soon realized that it wasn't for me at the time. I ended up moving back home with my mother to get a job for a little bit in order for me to move somewhere on my own, and to also hopefully start my own business. At this point, things really started to take a downward spiral. It was as if I suddenly became the black sheep of the family; although nobody would admit it blatantly, passive-aggressiveness has been a large part of how we were raised.

I've tried for years to establish boundaries with my parents and family, and yet I am still treated as though my opinions inherently have no merit. Moving across the country for a bit helped, although I have never been able to believe enough in the possibility of me successfully living a life of my own, and I now find myself back home once again seeking another escape.

A large part of me wants to believe that there is a possibility to maintain a healthy relationship with my family, but the other part of me finds it almost impossible to believe that they are ever truly sincere.

Consciously, I know that there are trustworthy people out there; but it makes it difficult to truly believe when you don't first trust yourself.

I don't mean to ramble, but has anyone successfully overcome this type of situation without needing to doubt every little aspect of one's self and always feel on-guard?

Thank you.

[artisticcatowner]

I get how you feel. I used to be the same way. I used to be such a reserved person after my parents divorced. I am on Zoloft and I'm doing a lot better. After being sent to a mental hospital for psychosis, I haven't kept the same relationships. Maybe I trust people, but I don't trust some! (like my fam)

[ktm250 in reply to artisticcatowner]

Reserved is my middle name! Thank you for acknowledging this; seems like it has always been denied by anyone I've talked to. I've been through a few anti-depressants; definitely planning on giving them a shot once again...That and possibly ketamine therapy...we'll have to see

[artisticcatowner in reply to ktm250]

I am so interested in ketamine lol! I havent tried it

[Hidden]

I feel for you, my friend, as I have had many of the same challenges. Our "support networks" can really do a number on us sometimes by making us feel inadequate for not being everything they expect us to be.

There can be work that can be done through therapy to help rewire the way that we feel about ourselves.... to undo some of the damage done. In my case, I have found that certain family members will always trigger me due to past traumas and their unwillingness or inability to change the way that they interact with me. Moving away / creating distance from that can be very helpful and often very necessary for healing. I would never suggest that you totally abandon your family, but for me, I need to maintain a healthy distance for the sake of my mental health. It has been hard to come to terms with that because I want to have closer relationships with family, but it is just what I need to do. I have started business ventures and successful ones. I would say that I found success more when I did not carry as much mental baggage such as trying to live up to others' expectations and just focusing on work that was truly right for me.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Ketamine therapy can be a very useful tool for your mental health toolbox. It is great to see it coming into the mainstream. Consider an infusion therapy session and see how you respond

[ktm250 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the response! I have been working through a number a strategies suggested by a previous counselor, such as mediation, exercise, and journaling; they certainly have helped to a degree. If I may ask your opinion...does the particular form of therapy play a big role? I've been seriously considering finding a dedicated CBT therapist, but I've also heard of so many other forms of therapy with good results as well.

Also, I really appreciate hearing that it is possible to overcome this. As wild as it sounds to my rational self, I've always held onto the nagging feeling deep down that this is how it will always be.

[Hidden in reply to ktm250]

I am sorry that you have to struggle with these things but I am happy we can talk about it. The practitioners I have spoken with generally say that CBT is the most effective form of therapy to focus on for these kinds of challenges. I have had some success with CBT, but it has not been a magic bullet / has not been a miracle cure. Finding the right counselor to work with is a big part of the battle... everyone has different specific needs. Luckily there are great online platforms with 1000s of therapists from all over the world with all the various specialties so if face-to-face counseling is not a must, that opens the door to so many options. I'm interested in EMDR lately but have not yet tried it so I would be interested to hear if anyone has experience with that. Some people say it can be really effective for breaking down triggering memories and thought associations. Ketamine therapy helps people to create new thought pathways and see things in a new light. A lot of practitioners who help people with bad anxiety, treatment resistant depression, and PTSD like the combination of ketamine therapy, CBT, and meditation to help rewire one's mind toward better mental health outcomes. It sounds like you are on your way to building a great mental health toolbox for yourself. Exercise is super helpful for me, especially when I'm regular about it. It's also been recommended to me to have a holistic health professional in the mix.

[ktm250]

I'm certainly thankful to be able to freely converse on here as well. I can't tell you how long I've kept a lot of this bottled up inside...definitely not the road I want to see myself go down ever again.

I personally have tried a form of EMDR (I'm still looking for the YouTube video) where you put both your index fingers up (like you are getting ready to play a round of paper football), but side by side. Keeping your face pointed forward, you take one of your hands away, while following your index finger moving to the top right part of your vision, then back, then to the right center, then back, then right bottom. You repeat it likewise with the other hand/side after this. I know I saw it on YouTube somewhere...I've researched quite a few self administered ways to relieve anxiety and stress. Even this abbreviated form helped calm me down when I'd become overwhelmed in the moment; something of a quick fix, not enough for overcoming trauma.

I definitely agree though...this stuff is going to take a variety of approaches, and a little more time. Day by day, with more and more momentum, we can all get there; the difficulty (for me at least) is sticking with the climb.

[Hidden]

I too kept so much bottled up in side for so long. It festers like tumor when it's not properly processed. I am so happy you acknowledge this too and we are going to do so much better the more we talk about everything and process the repressed stuff.

That EMDR video sounds very interesting, I will look for it! I never thought of it being a technique one could try solo. That is awesome that it was able to help you calm down in challenging times.

Cheers to you and I look forward to touching base with you again as we move forward!