I’m reaching out, again, in a time of immense family challenges and emotional turmoil, seeking advice, guidance, and support from those who might have navigated similar situations.
As some of you know already (my previous, original post), recently, my mother asked my boyfriend to move out. This was due to concerns about our house’s condition, primarily cleanliness and maintenance. Her health issues compounded this decision, prompting her to act. Despite agreeing initially to let him stay until we sorted the house, she later rescinded her offer.
This situation has taken an enormous toll on my emotional well-being. The constant tension at home has left me overwhelmed, often in tears, and struggling to manage. Moreover, it’s deeply concerning that my boyfriend’s current living situation is far from ideal. He’s temporarily staying with a friend, but the conditions there are inadequate. The room is in disrepair with old furniture, and his demanding work schedule hasn’t allowed him time to address it. I’m worried about his mental and physical well-being.
Looking ahead, I’m hopeful for positive changes and the possibility of my boyfriend returning. However, it’s crucial to clarify a key point - the police enforced his removal due to false claims made by aggressive neighbours. These claims about my boyfriend becoming violent upon eviction are entirely baseless and absurd. He’s far from violent or abusive, and my neighbour knew this well after meeting him several times. Unfortunately, the situation escalated, and the police intervened, despite my mother never intending such action.
This experience has been emotionally taxing for all of us. Alongside seeking advice on managing overwhelming emotions, stress, handling separation anxiety, and navigating a challenging period in our relationship, I’m also looking for guidance on supporting my mother through her health challenges while maintaining my own well-being.
Our dynamic at home has become increasingly strained due to my mother’s health problems. She’s dealing with high blood pressure, which poses a risk of heart attacks. This has led to heightened stress and often results in her expressing her frustrations through anger, which further exacerbates the situation.
Any insights, strategies, or experiences shared would be deeply appreciated. Thank you all for your understanding and support during this incredibly difficult time.
Warm regards. [belovedangel02]
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belovedangel02
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I want to understand why your boyfriend can’t be there other than your mother deciding he needs to stay elsewhere, Is it that he’s legally not allowed to? Is there a restraining order the neighbor has on him that prevents your boyfriend being within a certain distance of the neighbor? these would come with a time limit that eventually runs out. I don’t know if such a restraining order like that is even attainable.
Thank you for seeking clarification. It’s not a legal issue or a restraining order. The situation arose due to a culmination of misunderstandings and escalated emotions involving our neighbor. While I deeply respect both my boyfriend and my mother, it’s been a challenging time.
My boyfriend and our neighbor had some disagreements, leading to an unfortunate misunderstanding that was blown out of proportion. There was no legal constraint or restraining order involved. It was more about an uncomfortable living dynamic, primarily concerning household matters and misunderstandings within our community.
My mother, facing her health issues and stress, made a tough decision given the tense atmosphere and disagreements. It’s a regrettable situation for all involved. My boyfriend is a caring and respectful person, and my mother’s decision wasn’t an attack on his character, but rather a result of the difficult circumstances at that moment.
The hope is that, with time and improved communication among all parties involved, we can resolve these misunderstandings and find a way forward that is more harmonious for everyone.
is your boyfriend not welcome to visit you right now? I’m sure if he’s respectful and caring then it should only be a matter of time for heightened emotions to calm so there can be an opportunity to communicate and resolve the misunderstandings within the community. until then if his only option is to remain in his new current living situation there aren’t many options to address your separation anxiety and concern for his mental and physical well being other than positivity towards yourself, your thoughts and encouragement towards him in taking care of himself.
is your mother taking any steps to lower her stress and blood pressure? the hypertension can be addressed by a general practitioner with a medication. is that something that is doable?
Thank you for your concern. I appreciate your suggestions, but it seems there might have been a misunderstanding . My boyfriend is allowed to visit, although due to his demanding work schedule and some specific circumstances, he’s not allowed to spend nights. As for my mother, yes, she’s taking steps to address her health issues by consulting a general practitioner and getting appropriate medication. It’s indeed a tough time for us, and we’re doing our best to handle the situation while ensuring everyone’s well-being. We’re navigating through a complex set of circumstances that don’t have quick fixes, but we’re taking steps to find a resolution. Thanks again for your thoughts and concern.
You’re welcome. I hope that everything moves forward in a positive direction and that you and your loved ones can all have peace and understanding and live together in harmony. I did not feel that there was a quick fix really either. it’s great that you reached out here for some support. your mother and boyfriend are blessed to have you in their lives you obviously love and care about them.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt message and your well-wishes. Your support and encouragement mean a lot to me, especially during these trying times. It’s reassuring to know that reaching out here has been met with such understanding. Balancing the challenges with my mum and boyfriend isn’t easy, but I’m determined to keep moving forward positively. Your kind words acknowledge the care I have for them, and for that, I’m truly grateful. Wishing you all the best and sending warm thoughts your way! 🌟🫂
you’re very welcome belovedangel, it makes me happy that you found authenticity in my words. life can get so complicated and difficult. you’re very strong and I’m sure things will improve. thank you for the best wishes and warm thoughts, those are much needed and truly kind. if you need more support please reach back out. I wish the best for you and send you warm thoughts as well.
Thank you for your kind words and warm wishes @litethatnevergoesout. Your authentic support means a lot, and I truly appreciate your understanding of life’s complexities. Your encouragement gives me strength to navigate these challenges. Your offer of continued support is touching, and I’ll keep that in mind. Wishing you the same warmth and positivity you’ve shared with me. Take care!
It's hard to have boyfriend and your mother live together in harmony. I know I started the same way. They both have their quirks and idiosyncrasies. Sometimes can lead to butting heads. The only remedy is to find your own place to live. Which is what me and my partner did.
The only advice is that he should look into going into a homeless shelter and asking for help. Homeless shelters are quick to help people get out of there ASAP. So if your boyfriend goes and says I work but don't have a place to live. They will look into getting him into section 8 housing (if you are in the US at least) My sister IG did that and she got assigned a caseworker who got her out of the shelter and into an apartment in about under a month. Times may vary.
As for your mother's health. It's hard taking care of an elderly parent who have health issues. I know this life as well as I'm the caregiver to my mom. Sometimes it can be difficult because of my anxiety. Might want to look into getting a caregiver if it's all too much for you. Sometimes their doctor can help with that. My mom's doctor's office offers rides so she can be picked up and taken to all her appointments. Which helps me out a lot.
Your mother anger is understandable. She probably didn't see herself having these medical issues that make her feel unwell or bring challenges. It sucks when you can't do something you used to do all the time. My mom was fiercely independent. A career single parent. Took everything and put it on her back. But after a series of unfortunate events like the death of her only son, accident that left her with a broken ankle and then just soon after her ankle healed gets into a t bone car accident forced her into early retirement. She's had her moments of anger and sometimes she has unleashed it on me cause I'm the closest. I try not to take it personally. But I understand it's not easy not too.
My mom and I have a unique relationship. I love my mom and admire her strength. But it was a difficult childhood. There were things she did that did not help matters. Now that I'm an adult, I've sat down with her and shared with her things that have weighed on my chest. After we hashed it out our relationship has improved. I feel better in understanding her and her understanding me.
What also helped was me getting back into therapy. Ever since the pandemic has made things a little easier. Like I do televisits with my psychologist once a week. Maybe that can help you with your nerves, just give you a person who can listen to your problems and advise you on how to proceed.
Anyways I hope things get better for you and your mother and boyfriend. Wishing you healing and peace 🫂❤️
Thank you very much for sharing your experiences and offering your thoughtful advice. Your understanding of the complexities in my situation means a lot to me.
Your suggestion about seeking assistance through section 8 housing for my boyfriend is insightful. I appreciate the thought, but at the moment, that option doesn’t seem suitable for us, as my boyfriend isn’t ready to consider that step. He’s currently living with a friend, and that arrangement seems to work better for him for the time being. I was just worried about his living conditions because he’s not very good at looking after himself.
Balancing the living dynamics between my mother and boyfriend, especially considering their individual quirks and circumstances, is indeed a challenging situation. Finding separate living spaces might be an option in the future, but it’s complicated for now.
Regarding my mother’s health challenges, she’s been my primary caregiver due to my mental health conditions. Her struggles in caregiving stem from her own health limitations, which is difficult for both of us. It’s overwhelming to navigate this role reversal now that she needs assistance herself. Despite this, I don’t like to label my mum, but unfortunately, due to genetics, she does exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Nevertheless, I love her very much.
Your personal experience in resolving past issues with your mom resonates deeply with me. I value my relationship with my mother and hope to address these issues when the time is right.
The suggestion about therapy is invaluable. Seeking professional guidance during these challenging times could help me navigate these complex emotions and the dynamics at home.
Thank you again for your empathy and kind wishes. Your understanding means a lot. Wishing you continued healing and peace. 🤗❤️
I also wanted to clarify that I don’t live in the US, so resources akin to Section 8 housing aid, specific to the US, aren’t applicable in my current situation. In my area, organizations such as Crisis provide support to the homeless or those facing housing crises, albeit the available resources and procedures might differ from those in the US.
Thank you again for your input, and I appreciate your understanding of the unique situation I’m navigating at the moment.
Aww shucks. Well if living with his friend is good arrangement for him then he should be fine. Old furniture won't kill him. He can buy new furniture when he gets his own place. We had to use hand-me-down furniture until we could afford our own 😄Sorry that therapy isn't an option either
Well hope you and your mom are able to work on things and talk about stuff. Get to healing place. Wish you the best 🫂❤️
Thank you for the comforting words! You’re absolutely right, old furniture isn’t a big concern for me; we’ve both used hand-me-downs before. My worry is mostly because I haven’t seen his friend’s place yet, so I’m not sure about its condition. He mentioned the room was unused for a while, which raises a bit of worry. Just concerned since he’s been upset lately, and our limited time together adds to it. Also, with his work schedule, the rearranging might take longer. Thanks again for the support! 🫂❤️
Stop. You deserve better. You deserve more. Say it to yourself. You deserve to have a good life. You deserve to be loved. Say it to yourself because it's true. You are so worried its putting your health in danger. Honestly. You cant help others until you take care of yourself and your wellbeing. Your mother is an adult. Your boyfriend is an adult. If you want to take care of them then take care of yourself and when you're mentally, physically, and emotionally strong enough then you can offer them assistance. Your not the only answer to their problems. They will manage just fine while you take care of yourself. Take a 3 month break and work on you then see whether your ready to help them. Your going to drown in your own stress and be useless if you don't take care of you
I truly appreciate your concern and your advice on self-care. It’s undoubtedly essential, and I’m striving to incorporate it into my life amidst these challenging circumstances. However, it’s important to understand that the situation with my mother weighs heavily on me. Losing my father at a young age has made me particularly concerned about her well-being. She’s the only parent I have left, and her health issues, along with the strained dynamics at home, add an extra layer of concern. Balancing my own well-being while supporting her and my boyfriend is indeed challenging.
I’ve carried significant responsibilities since a very young age, particularly after my father, who had cancer, passed away when I was 14. Being a young carer has been a large part of my life. I’ve dedicated most of my time to caring for others, especially my loved ones. I want to assure you that I am capable and experienced in handling these responsibilities, but I genuinely appreciate your concern and advice during this challenging time.
I’d also like to clarify that just because I’m navigating some mental health challenges doesn’t diminish my capability to be strong and supportive for others. It’s a sign of strength to seek advice and support when needed, especially at 21.
Your understanding means a lot, and I’m working towards finding the right balance for everyone involved.
just be sure to put yourself as a priority too. You don’t want to put everyone else first and find yourself 30 years later looking back and realizing no one ever put you first and when you need to be put first there’s no one there that will put you first. You have to put yourself first because it’s really hard to find anyone else who will
Thank you for your input. However, I believe there might be a misunderstanding. I’m navigating a situation that involves caring for my mother while also considering my own well-being. Your advice is appreciated, but what I’m seeking is guidance on how to balance these responsibilities effectively given the current circumstances. I’m looking for practical advice and support tailored to my specific situation. I hope you understand. Thank you.
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