Mistrusting my own Mood

[GlowingDarkly]

I have done a lot of positive moves for myself the past week or more, both on the self-care front as well as trying to get my life going again - finding work. But this world is so scary and I keep stupidly watching the horrible things on the news, so it has been making me feel extra untrusting of the world outside of my house. But trying my best to keep positive.

In this moment I am feeling pretty normal, which is to say a great relief. But I am not sure if that’s because I am still in some measure of denial. It is not like I have a real full-time job lined up and my financial situation is still scary to say the least. And I have yet to cross the thresh-hold of going back into a workplace environment for the first time in over 5 years and that is a big old Question Mark in my book.

I really don’t understand how people are able to grit their teeth and bare these anxieties in life. I have felt so powerless against my own fears that I sometimes think of them as my own personal Grendel.

I wish there was magical advice or help people could give to people like me. But I do appreciate all the support I’ve found here since I have arrived. I don’t think I could have made this far and be in the state of mind I am in right now with out it. Thank you all.

[Freetothink]

the anxiety thoughts always seem so illogical when I’m not in the middle of an episode. But when it hits, it’s tough to move forward, isn’t it. Congratulations on moving forward anyway. Pat yourself in the back each time.

[SphericalDepths]

Lately I've been watching podcasts of interviews with self-care gurus (many of whose books I've seen in stores and didn't think twice about), and some of the talks actually inspired me to add (and subtract) things from my lifestyle. One of them actually said a study showed that people who watched the morning news were 27% less happy in the afternoon. I used to spend hours every day scrolling through Apple News and it was like: WAR--This Celeb Had a Baby!--Teacher Shortage--Gender Discrimination At Work--Oprah's Favorite Beauty Products--Child Abduction Ends in Tragedy, etc. After I got out of the habit, though, I found that I didn't miss it. If you feel like it, check out the Diary of A CEO YouTube channel. (A lot of the guests strongly recommend cutting down on sugar and screen time, which I find really hard to do, but some of their insight does, if briefly, feel like magic.)

[GlowingDarkly in reply to SphericalDepths]

These are great insights! Thank you for them. I shall definitely have to make some time to check out that YouTube channel