I should be proud but I am not.

[GlowingDarkly]

Well today was quite the little rollercoaster. I had a job interview today, for a promotions position at a casino, basically to help source and secure prizes for giveaways and help coordinate headliners coming in to do shows, plus a lot of MC-ing apparently. The pay is pretty good, solid benes and free meals. Sounds like a slam dunk (if I am actually offered the position) in most people’s book.

The hours a LONG and mandatory weekends, the casino is open 24/7 and they got events running all the time so they need staff that can run all the time in every department.

I got to the interview and it was a real hit! I felt confident and I made them laugh while doing better than I had expected at the actual interview part. For having been in soul crushing anguish the past week it was a nice win, and really what I wanted was some interviewing experience/practice.

But then I got home and started to panic. What if they *actually* offer me the job? I mean I know I can say ’no‘ but I am worried about letting down my folks because they are really hoping that I can achieve my independence sooner rather than later. It really is good on paper at least as far as compensation goes. A good 70-85% of the job description seems really interesting to me, but I really don’t want to literally be reading raffle winners on stage behind a microphone with a spotlight on me, surrounded by drunk people.

I really was hoping for a quiet back office job where I can do some good work but everywhere I apply on that front is a dead end. I feel like there is indeed some greater force out there demanding I pay some kind of penance for having been unemployed for the past 5 years.

I feel like an asshole for even posting this. Like everyone I know has worked jobs that had weekend shifts, even I worked a couple just out of college (I was fortunate in that we had a store manager that absolutely loved working weekends alone so he’d never schedule any of us unless he really needed the extra help - we were a print/copy shop). I have been reading heart breaking stories on here about some wonderful folk who are struggling to make ends meet and working their tails off and here I am crying like a kid who was told he needs to get a summer job for the time,

At least this time it’s not anxiety attacking me, but good ole faithful - depression. Worthlessness. Laziness. Uselessness.

I really do feel like a waste of space.

[litethatnevergoesout]

nice job on the interview. go easy on yourself, how you think and speak and treat yourself. it really matters.

[hocuspocus22]

If you do decide to take the job, I think you will crush it. It seems like this job is a little out of your comfort zone and pausing urself can be a really good thing! I think this job would benefit you greatly! I recommend trying it, it seems really fun and different than a regular office job. You got this! Try to catch urself when ur too much in ur head. Think positive and do some affirmations: “I am confident” “I can do whatever I put my mind to” “I am successful” “I am loved” “I have purpose” etc. The hardest part is starting. You can do this and you are not a waste of space.

[gajh]

It sounds like it would be a major challenge. Are you up for a challenge? Maybe you could just give it a try. Give yourself a certain amount of time to see how it goes and give yourself permission to quit if you aren't happy. Just because you take the job doesn't mean you have to stay there. It might be fun to give it a try. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.