Intrusive Imagery About Past

[ChaeChae]

I am an 29 year old

Woman who has battled depression and anxiety for 12 years. I currently do have a therapist and psychiatrist. I doing consultations for more comprehensive care.

I just recently as of 4 years ago found out about intrusive thoughts and imagery. I never knew there was a name for them. I just assumed I was completely crazy.

I would like to know can you have intrusive thoughts and images about past events ? Or is it just future fears ? Has anyone ever experienced this ? After an event has taken place- recreating it intrusively?

[Hidden]

Can you give an example or would that be too on you? Thank you. Just concerned.

[ChaeChae in reply to Hidden]

I have a few examples. However, the most recent is My great grandmother passed away a year ago. I loved her dearly and cared for her tremendously. I just knew whenever that time came I never wanted to be around for it. I had a phobia about death as a child.

She caught COVID and I thought we ( my grandmother, whose her daughter) were doing a great job at home nursing her back to health after running back and forth to the hospital.

But she passed away in her sleep right in front of me and I didn’t even know until maybe moments later. I immediately got my grandmother and we contacted 911.

But when I think back on that day. I have so much anxiety with intrusive thoughts and images. Hoping I did nothing wrong. A bunch of what ifs ? What if the pillows were to close to her face ? What if she took the wrong medicine ? What did I have to be the last one she passed away with ? I would never think about harming her or anyone and I don’t have urges to harm anyone . But It’s really scary thinking back to that very day.

[Hidden in reply to ChaeChae]

I know where you're coming from. When my brother passed away from cancer, I felt like it was my fault. I wanted to donate bone marrow but was not a match. I just wanted to do anything to save his life. I couldn't do anything and felt helpless. To this day i felt I could've done something and it's been more than 10 years ago. Still am in distraught over it. He had a seven year old daughter at the time.

[bubbamgoo]

I think it would be a good idea to talk about this with psychologist about this for proper diagnosis. I think this is possibly a obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It maybe you need to finish grieving your grandma's death. I know ruminating over something that you have no control over, is harmful for you. There is only so many things you can learn from your experience before needing to let go and move on. There is something preventing you from moving forward. A good therapist will help you do this. Hope this helps you.

[ChaeChae in reply to bubbamgoo]

I whole heartedly agree with you as well. I do see a therapist and psychiatrist. I’m looking for more comprehensive care now. However, I appreciate your insight. thank you so much for your perspective.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

I have had the kind of intrusive thoughts you have experienced. I don 't know any way to stop them, so I let them run for a bit and then follow with positive self-talk. This tends to reduce them. Have you tried cognitive behavior therapy? It may be just what you need in order to understand why you're having these thoughts and develop strategies to reduce or eliminate them. Good luck.