lost my teen to suicide

[Metwiddled]

I lost my soulmate six years ago to suicide how do you can’t seem to get better I live in constant fear I keep going because I have another son and I try to stay strong but on the inside I’m just dying

[Metwiddled]

It makes you afraid all the time and feel alone. No matter where you are what your doing. I noticed when I’m like at long beach aquarium I felt peace. I don’t feel peace much. That’s the main thing. I don’t know how people do it. I’ve done therapy, exercise art helped others… and it still there. It’s horrific. Sometimes I feel afraid to be home, being alone is extra difficult. My family is hard on me they keep saying your son doesn’t want to see you sad, you gotta keep on going, blah blah blah… it just makes me even feel more alone. I truly am. I feel abandoned misunderstood and in pure sadness. 6 years later pure sadness . And that is sad. It’s pretty much a disease that will never go away. Your never the same and never going to be again

[Metwiddled in reply to Metwiddled]

Thanks for caring I’m new here just needing to reach out to another being

[hypercat54 in reply to Metwiddled]

I am so sorry to hear this and also can't imagine how you are feeling.

I will say though that you don't 'get better' or overcome it as you can't. What you do have to do is move on past it so you can continue living your life.

When my father died he was the first immediate family member to go and I was suddenly aware that my life had changed completely. It was like the world had turned sideways and I saw things very differently. Not necessary a good change but not a bad one either - just perceptional change.

There is a grief cycle we all have to go through although we often go through it in different stages, and that is fine. It is possible to get stuck in a stage but you have to find a way to move on past it for your own well being. It doesn't mean forgetting but rather knowing that a part of your heart will forever be his and it will be your special place.

Have a look online at this and see if it helps.

Am thinking of you. Take care.

[Metwiddled]

Thank you he was only 17 years old.

[designguy]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost a brother to suicide a number of years ago, it's an awful wrenching thing to go through. I encourage you to find a suicide support group or even a grief group or counselor to work with to help you process and heal, you need support to help you through it. You might also include your other son with you in getting support for him, he may not think he needs it now but he more than likely will later on.

[Stippler]

I am sorry for your loss. I am holding you in the light.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will never understand it. So I won't lie to you or tell you platitudes like "I know it's hard." "I know how you feel." I don't know what it's like to lose a child. All I know is what is that it looks painful. That's because I lost my brother back in 2012. Though he wasn't as young as your son. He was in his mid 40s. But he was my mom's only boy. No matter what age we are our mothers still see us as their babies. She was deeply hurt.

People especially in States have an uncomfortable relationship when it comes to death. From my perspective, people try to avoid it. Even though we all know it's an inevitability. We don't like talking about it or thinking about it. Part of the reason is because it can bring sadness. People are really awkward around other people who are sad. So they say those cliche lines that they think "help". Like "Your son wouldn't want this for you." "Your son wants you to be happy." You can't help but feel miserable after hearing that. Because you may think "I am doing a disservice to my son by being sad because you miss him so." No, your are not.

Grief is a odd thing. You can have moments where you are ok, numb but you can get things done. Then there's moments were you break down crying because you saw an item place wrong on a supermarket shelf and that setoff emotions in you. Perhaps grief counseling along with your other son. Maybe even talk about it with your other son. Ask him how he's dealing with all this.

Again I don't know how to help with this. But we are here for you. I remember watching a true crime episode of parents who lost their daughter. They made it a point to do something fun to honor their daughter memory. For them it was their daughter favorite treat; vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. So wherever they go at the end of the day they stop at a local ice cream shop or multi chain ice cream shop and get a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles. Maybe one day you can get to that point.

Anyways sending you my love during this most difficult time for you and your family 🫂❤️

Poem by Donna Ashworth