Sensory Overload (I think?)

[GhostKitty]

Yesterday was absolutely awful for no big reason. Everything was good and fine and then I started getting a little irritable so I went on lunch. I only had 30 minutes. Right before being hospitalized about 2 weeks ago I had ordered a ring from Kay jewelers to be shipped to the store in town (nothing super duper expensive, money I shouldn't have spent but not like their normal items that cost $80+++). I was hoping it would make me feel better and tried to make a symbolic link in my brain of "if I make it through this, I will have a nice ring to greet me. That ring can be proof to myself that I lived through this and I can do it again." Well it was finally at the store yesterday so I ate my food as fast as I could and tried to rush over there and back before lunch was over. Well I shouldn't have done that, I was late getting back and the ring didn't fit the finger I wanted it on (I guessed on the size). I felt really disappointed and I was upset with myself for getting back late (there was no disciplinary actions I was just upset with myself) and I just started spiraling.

(A little back ground: I have recently been through big medication changes and I don't think I'm quite leveled out yet.)

I was surprised how easily I was set off and it just got worse. So I had clocked in and went to put my stuff away but I eneded up staying in the breakroom an extra 15-20 minutes, on top of getting back from Kay about 10 minutes late, just trying to calm down. I read one chapter of my book and that helped tremendously but it all came back after a few minutes after I stopped reading. I HAD to get back to work so I just hoped work would focus me enough to not think about it. But my God was that a bad idea.

Once I got started every movement I made caused something to just feel wrong. My bra was stabbing me in 3 places, my shirt was clinging to my back in weird ways, my pants were sitting weird and wouldn't stay up in the perfect stop that didn't feel wrong, my hair was falling in my face. And it just got worse. Those feelings gradually got more intense and just made me so so angry and upset. A hanger would catch on my name tag. Or a sensor pinwould stab me. And then my thoughts of self loathing set in and made it even worse. When I eventually had to put the clothes out it got EVEN worse. Every movement was torture. The bra, the shirt, the pants, my broken nail catching on things, pants falling off hangers, having to shift a whole section because it was too cramped to fit even one more item, the fact nobody else took care of shifting the departments to make room for the truck while I was gone, one of the cashiers being an idiot. Everything.

I was breathing fast, my throat got tight, on the verge of tears, I wanted to scream and rip my body apart (rip my skin off so I couldn't feel, rip my eyes out so I can't see, rip my eardrums out so I can't hear), I wanted to bang my head of something in frustration, felt trapped and hopeless (I wanted to leave but couldn't go home), it felt like it would never end. It eventually did when I got to leave. But then it came back when I got home due to my pets making sounds of any kind and just feeling so exhausted that taking a single step felt too overwhelming, plus all my self loathing thoughts. At home I was bawling and screaming a bit, I eventually made it to bed and stopped crying. And drifted off to sleep.

How does somebody cope with that? What can I do in the future to prevent or treat those feelings?