I had to leave work early today because i was just absolutely losing it on the inside. Watching the rest of my coworkers interact so effortlessly while I’m just on the side trying to chime in is just painful. I’m 100% convinced my coworkers dislike me and talk bad about me behind my back. Everyone does. I’m a pest to everyone, they all eventually leave me once they get annoyed.
I have literally nothing, fucking nothing, happening with me. I missed out on college, have no friends, barely interact with anyone, have no talents or future of any kind. I can barely fucking do my own laundry or clean my room for gods sake while kids in this neighborhood who are 15 or 16 are going out with friends and having fun. I’ve missed out on so much and destroyed so many avenues and opportunities to move on. I have nothing to live for at this point. I’ve destroyed my body and my mind. I’m doing literally nothing at all with myself and have nothing to show for it. Everyone has rejected me, the world has told me since childhood that I am not welcome or accepted, that I am an annoying pest who should just go shrivel up and die. I feel beyond saving at this point. I’ve been going to therapy for a year now and I’m still the same loser I was before I started talking with him. I’m not supposed to have no friends or partners or aspirations at this age, it’s a major red flag to everyone. I’m objectively inferior to the kids at the high school down the street who are out right now at a party or a football rally with their friend group. I just realized that literally nothing I do will EVER matter because someone younger than me is doing far better than I ever have.
At this point, the only option that’s feasible is either suicide in the short term or long term. Who’s gonna care anyway? The world tells me I’m annoying and unwanted. Just less untalented trash in the world.
Written by
Gurbfeld
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I wish it was. But I don’t have anyone, I’m alone and unwanted. As petty as it sounds, watching high schools years younger than me walks with their friend groups is the worst kind of pain. Being so inexperienced and feeling how much you’ve missed out on life is just, painful.
Don't speak that way you're giving in to depression anxiety your mind playing tricks on you you're thinking everybody's talking about you so you're letting what people tell you all the negativity they have they have told you since you were a child that's what's hurting you you're believing everything why believe it I understand it's easier said than them because all the negative they throw at you is making you ill you need to push those people out of your life you need to live your life not give it up because there's something I want to tell you you give up your life now you're going to be in limbo you're never going to be able to cross the other side if you take your life because you have not taken care of what you needed to take care of here in the living ignore the negative and again I understand it's either said than done but giving up you're going to be in between this world and and the unliving world you're never going to go nowhere you'll be stuck. I deal with depression anxiety I get very stressed and it's not easy I totally understand that but I believe everything my mother told me she's a native American Indian and she taught me a lot of things it's not you there's things in our brain the chemicals is what doing the things they do to us a lot of times medicine can help but sometimes you got to take control and again push all that negative out I deal with it even though I know so much because of my mom and my great grandma the things those women did for other people I sometimes can help other people as well but I too have to deal with my problems but when I'm able to help other people it's much easier for me to help other people than to help myself my gift I feel sometime it's kind of a curse for myself but I'm here if you need a friend to talk to whatever you need it. Am here you not alone.
I have also 3 grandsons who are artistic I understand I enjoy every one of my grandkids but I do pay more attention to my three grandsons or autistic because they are super cool. I care ok
stop comparing yourself there buddy. You do you. Nobody else’s business. If you have to compare, look up rather than down.
Do you have any solid evidence to back up your beliefs? Does every one really dislike you? I would have a hard look at the evidence. It’s easy to talk in terms of absolutes, but thing rarely are
P.S. I liked your old screen name MacSalad, catchy!
Life does sound very tough right now. I also felt awkward and shy when I was in my twenties. What helped me was being around babies or little kids and animals because I didn't feel judged by them and they didn't make me nervous. We all need love & physical affection and it's almost impossible to be miserable while you're cuddling a cat or making faces at a baby. Please take care of yourself. It will get better as you get older. In the meantime, see if you can get a pet, volunteer in an animal shelter, or babysit a little kid. ❤️
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